I Fought with a Bum Today

Posted on August 6th, 2008 by The SUBWAYblogger in Bums, This just in

Sort of.  Also, it turns out you can’t blog about it on your Blackberry while you are in the process of screaming at a scrawny bum.

Anyway, this morning it was raining pretty hard as we all know.  On my train, there was an open window that obviously had water leak down it and formed a puddle in one of the seats.

Unfortunately, I found myself standing directly in front of that seat.  I didn’t want the seat, but saw the open space.  So I spent much of the ride trying to explain to old ladies that they couldn’t sit there because of the puddle, as they pushed me out of the way.

About half way to my stop, a skinny a-hole homeless guy got on the train screaming .  F-this and F-that. Screaming at random people to get the f out of his way.  What are they looking at.  Then telling women he could see down their tops.  A real specimen.

Little eagle-eye spotted the open seat and squirmed his way though the packed train car where I (and others around me) said the seat’s wet.  Note:  I’m standing almost close enough for my shins to touch the front edge of the seat, that’s how packed the train is.  I’m at mid car, near the middle doors.  The wet seat is one spot in from the end of the bench.

So he comes in from my left and reaches down to the seat and brushes the puddle of water off the seat onto the front of my pants!  Like a big, fast wiping action to flick the water off.  He only got about half of the water off the seat when he started to spin around to sit down.

At first I was in shock, but then I said, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

I will leave the rest to your imagination.  I don’t want to go into any details, but he was not on board the train when we left the next station.

I have a fairly high tollerance for these guys because clearly they have mental problems.  However, when you are saying things like he said and splashing water on me, it really gets to the point where action needs to be taken.

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  1. Joe said on August 6th, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    No details? You gave every gruesome detail of the woman crapping her pants at Madison Square Park (including a video of the poo), but won’t get into details about your bumfight? Come on….

    Reply
  2. Mike said on August 6th, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    vivid picture you just painted there. but you gotta give the rest….

    Reply
  3. The SUBWAYblogger said on August 6th, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    Ok I think gruesome might be a bit much.

    As far as the rest of the details, the last thing I want to do is give a crazy person any ammunition to make a bigger issue out of the situation You never know. All I need is this bum to take it to court with this written record.

    At the same time, I’m not at all saying the missing part was that dramatic.

    I’m just not going to put it in writing.

    Reply
  4. Patrick said on August 6th, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    I hope you knocked him out. I would have.

    Reply
  5. manyhighways said on August 7th, 2008 at 1:37 am

    You physically assaulted this guy because your pants got a little wet? Try taking a deep breath next time instead.

    Reply
  6. twakum said on August 7th, 2008 at 8:51 am

    Try smashing his head on the pavement next time, then throwing his ass on the tracks.

    Reply
  7. CD Junior said on August 7th, 2008 at 10:47 am

    I was hoping for more details. Some of them carry spent aids needles to prick you with if you go near them. And they might hold up the needle, look you right in the eyes, and stab the lady closest to them. Just like son of sam, david chapman, john hinckley, people with known mental problems that could be a danger to themselves or others should be on a special leash. I think that is one area where China has the upper hand. How many innocent victims have there been in the subway system from a dirt bag mental patient pushing someone in front of a train?

    Reply
  8. Todd said on August 7th, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    Man, it takes forever to get rid of bum-stink…

    Reply
  9. Dan said on August 7th, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    Don’t leave anything to our imagination. Tell us what happened. Otherwise you’re jerking us around.

    Reply
  10. lilsubwaycrybaby said on August 7th, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    You should have given him a blow job.

    Reply
  11. KJ said on August 8th, 2008 at 1:05 am

    I feel your pain man. This type walks about the system like they own it and the rest of us owe them something. On my way back home today this bum was sprawled over 3 seats while the rest of us stood and tried to car jump ASAP to get away from the stink.

    Reply
  12. Bnakala said on August 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    I feel your pain man. This type walks about the system like they own it and the rest of us owe them something. On my way back home today this bum was sprawled over 3 seats while the rest of us stood and tried to car jump

    Reply
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