Familiars on a train

Posted on December 23rd, 2009 by The SUBWAYblogger in Contribution, Good lookin'

Editor’s Note:  This guest post submitted by Amanda Green.  No, this isn’t the new, softer side of SUBWAYblogger.  But it is a nice subway related story.

When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend Cade, he left my apartment without hugging goodbye, walked down Central Park West, and disappeared.

For months, I’d look out for him as I walked around the Upper West Side. We didn’t live all that far apart – my feet must have covered his tracks myriad times. Then he started working at an office downtown near mine.

But we never saw each other again.

Last Friday, I rushed through the turnstile as the subway pulled into the station. I got on a car farther back from the one I usually ride. The train doors closed. I sat and opened a book.

The train stopped. I kept reading. The train stopped. I looked around. The train started, got to a station, and stopped. The conductor announced that there was a delay due to a sick passenger.

I sat and kept reading until the train was taken out of service.

Over the loudspeaker, the announcer yelled to exit. To take the 1 downtown, which wouldn’t get me where I needed to be.

I got out with a sigh and saw Cade. Speaking of not getting where you needed to be…

Two years ago,  I broke up with him, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Cade was the first serious adult relationship I ever had. He made me want normal things that feel crazy when you’re 22 – kids, a house, only one man the rest of my life.

It was new and impulsive and painful. We stayed up too late and together too long. We could never be friends after everything that happened.

Sometimes I thought maybe we’d never really been friends. I told him once I’d just realized we’d never talked about God. Did he believe in a He? Why didn’t I know? He shrugged and said, “Sometimes I feel like I just can’t talk to you.”

Cade and I stood on the platform a few feet apart and said hello. He’s now a strange familiar. Like one of those nameless guys you ride the elevator with each day, some neighbor you hear crying through the bedroom wall.

We talked about the sick passenger and the nature of time.

He said, “I can’t believe this isn’t awkward.”

“Believe me, any hard feelings I ever had have been passed down to someone else,” I replied.

We laughed, and I said, “I’m learning your voice again.” I used to hear it in my sleep.

When the 1 train came, we stood next to each other. We creeped downtown and later saw the 2 train back in service across the platform. We quickly dashed to it and sat next to each other.

I told him this would make an excellent short story, but we needed the tension to rise. Something needed to happen. Perhaps a revelation.

Cade shrugged, and I explained it could be someone else’s revelation. It didn’t have to be one of ours.

We agreed to meet again Sunday.

He bought dinner even when I offered to split it, and then we went to this place a block over for some drinks.

We sat across from each other and Cade said, “I think TBID made a huge mistake when he broke up with you.” I know he doesn’t like me enough to feel he has to say that, so it meant a lot.

As the night wore on, we talked about the separate failed relationships that followed the one we had.

People didn’t love us enough to stay. People said one thing and did another.

When you break up with someone, you sometimes have these fantasies of seeing them again and not giving a damn. This often occurs while listening to Gloria Gaynor.

You see yourself months healed, looking good. Wearing clothes you don’t own. Or clothes you own that suddenly fit you better.

Your ex-love looks the same, not better without you. He or she looks at you longingly as you smile, unfettered by grief or regret.

This fantasy will soothe you in three-minute intervals.

But here’s what really happens: You’ll find each other again randomly. You’ll probably be wearing nothing special. You’ll be exhausted from staying up too late the night before.

Your ex-love will look how you recall, but will gaze at you with more curiosity than longing.

He’ll look pleased to stumble upon the girl who ripped his heart out a few years ago. Then stomped on it. Then blogged about how she stomped on it.

Later, you’ll sit across from each other in the dark and laugh. You’ll remind him he called you fat. He’ll look pained.

He’ll get something off his chest he should’ve said years ago. You would’ve cared then, but now it’s fine. No big deal.

You’ll tell him funny ways he haunted you. He’ll mention that weird sound you used to make.

No one wants exactly those things back. But something like them with someone else someday would be nice.

Afterward, you’ll wait at the subway together for your separate trains. He’ll ask if he can pick the lint off your fuzzy black hat. You’ll say yes.

You’ll look like friends.

His train will arrive. This time he’ll hug you goodbye.

  • 248 Rider Opinions
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  1. payday said on December 28th, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Beautifully written post. Total fan of the way emotions are expressed.. so true and subtle.

    Reply
  2. genealogy said on January 12th, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    You’ve captured exactly what it must feel like to bump into your ex. I haven’t bumped into mine yet but i’m guessing it wont be far off what you have written. Beautifully articulated.

    Reply
  3. Payday said on January 14th, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    wow.. really nicely put emotions here..

    Reply
  4. ex said on January 14th, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    Virtually the same thing happend to me.

    Reply
  5. Umbro England said on January 16th, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    hahahaha for a few seconds I was scared! I didn’t see your intro – I’m like what is he talking about?? bf? heheh. But yeah not all dates can be good ones ain’t it?

    Reply
  6. ex said on January 17th, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    Very nicely articulated = ). Had a similar experience myself, lol. VERY awekward. Its a strange experience and one that is hard to explain unless you have been through that scenario. Well put!

    Reply
  7. slim camera said on January 22nd, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Nicely written story even though it’s a lil bit strange for me :-)

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  8. Amanda Green said on January 28th, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    I wrote this story. Thanks for all the comments! You can read more of my writing at noisiestpassenger.com.

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    A good story…..

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  10. Umbro England said on March 10th, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    everytime I read this storie it gives me a lot to think

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  11. Umbro England said on March 15th, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    why is it that people stop commenting??

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  12. George said on April 6th, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    Nice story, reminds me of that movie sliding doors. It's funny the coincidencial meetings that shape our lives sometime

    Reply
  13. MJP said on June 6th, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    Half a world away in Australia here and that story played out quite similar with me one time. Reminded me of a girl I haven't thought about for years, in a good way though. Small world.

    Nice story Amanda.

    Reply
  14. mma gloves said on June 16th, 2010 at 12:29 am

    very cool story

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  15. PS3 said on June 22nd, 2010 at 11:59 am

    Wow! Interesting story. It shows what small world this world actually is

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  16. Domonic said on July 1st, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    very cool… you should write a book your style rocks.

    thx/dom

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  17. London Paris Train said on July 5th, 2010 at 7:05 am

    Nice story Amanda! I agree with Domonic, you must write a book.

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  18. Jet Airways said on July 5th, 2010 at 7:05 am

    This is really interesting and amazing article. Simply Great

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  19. Web Design LA said on August 19th, 2010 at 4:16 am

    so hope now you will be happy after he was hug you and said lovely good bye. its a life, happens anything anytime !!!

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  20. Train london Paris said on August 25th, 2010 at 2:42 am

    This is amazing article. World is too short it simply tell.

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  21. Train to Lille said on September 6th, 2010 at 4:00 am

    What an nice story…You really expresses yours emotions..

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  22. car battery said on October 11th, 2010 at 1:41 am

    Very beautifully and eloquently put. I haven't yet run into my ex. I'm not even sure where she is as we didn't part on the best of terms. I wonder how the meeting will go if we ever run into each other again.

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  23. sidder said on October 11th, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    I haven't bumped into mine yet but i'm guessing it wont be far off what you have written. Beautifully articulated.

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  248. Ardell Killette said on July 7th, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    Espy award for.. Best Dramafor the fifth or sixth year straight year goes toBrett Favreyoull also see him star in more Wrangler and Sears ads I supposethats if he returns for another yearLOL Report this comment Reply jimmyus333333 says: July 26, 2010 at 5:51 pm Barry Alverez believed he could have a fine team, but needed 3 All-Americans on the roster to make it to the Rose Bowl.I think that number needs to larger then 3 for a Professional fb team to become a Super Bowl champion.In 96, we had 5, Favre, Rison, Reggie, Desi & LeRoy.but there were also other near pro-bowlers on that teamJackson, Hentrich, Timmerman, Levens, Eugene.Thinking that this is a numbers game at this point in the season, do the PB numbers add up this year? Do we have 5 sure-fire pro-bowers, and 4-5 near PBs this year?

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