When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend Cade, he left my apartment without hugging goodbye, walked down Central Park West, and disappeared.

For months, I’d look out for him as I walked around the Upper West Side. We didn’t live all that far apart – my feet must have covered his tracks myriad times. Then he started working at an office downtown near mine.

But we never saw each other again.

Last Friday, I rushed through the turnstile as the subway pulled into the station. I got on a car farther back from the one I usually ride. The train doors closed. I sat and opened a book.

The train stopped. I kept reading. The train stopped. I looked around. The train started, got to a station, and stopped. The conductor announced that there was a delay due to a sick passenger.

I sat and kept reading until the train was taken out of service.

Over the loudspeaker, the announcer yelled to exit. To take the 1 downtown, which wouldn’t get me where I needed to be.

I got out with a sigh and saw Cade. Speaking of not getting where you needed to be…

Two years ago,  I broke up with him, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Cade was the first serious adult relationship I ever had. He made me want normal things that feel crazy when you’re 22 – kids, a house, only one man the rest of my life.

It was new and impulsive and painful. We stayed up too late and together too long. We could never be friends after everything that happened.

Sometimes I thought maybe we’d never really been friends. I told him once I’d just realized we’d never talked about God. Did he believe in a He? Why didn’t I know? He shrugged and said, “Sometimes I feel like I just can’t talk to you.”

Cade and I stood on the platform a few feet apart and said hello. He’s now a strange familiar. Like one of those nameless guys you ride the elevator with each day, some neighbor you hear crying through the bedroom wall.

We talked about the sick passenger and the nature of time.

He said, “I can’t believe this isn’t awkward.”

“Believe me, any hard feelings I ever had have been passed down to someone else,” I replied.

We laughed, and I said, “I’m learning your voice again.” I used to hear it in my sleep.

When the 1 train came, we stood next to each other. We creeped downtown and later saw the 2 train back in service across the platform. We quickly dashed to it and sat next to each other.

I told him this would make an excellent short story, but we needed the tension to rise. Something needed to happen. Perhaps a revelation.

Cade shrugged, and I explained it could be someone else’s revelation. It didn’t have to be one of ours.

We agreed to meet again Sunday.

He bought dinner even when I offered to split it, and then we went to this place a block over for some drinks.

We sat across from each other and Cade said, “I think TBID made a huge mistake when he broke up with you.” I know he doesn’t like me enough to feel he has to say that, so it meant a lot.

As the night wore on, we talked about the separate failed relationships that followed the one we had.

People didn’t love us enough to stay. People said one thing and did another.

When you break up with someone, you sometimes have these fantasies of seeing them again and not giving a damn. This often occurs while listening to Gloria Gaynor.

You see yourself months healed, looking good. Wearing clothes you don’t own. Or clothes you own that suddenly fit you better.

Your ex-love looks the same, not better without you. He or she looks at you longingly as you smile, unfettered by grief or regret.

This fantasy will soothe you in three-minute intervals.

But here’s what really happens: You’ll find each other again randomly. You’ll probably be wearing nothing special. You’ll be exhausted from staying up too late the night before.

Your ex-love will look how you recall, but will gaze at you with more curiosity than longing.

He’ll look pleased to stumble upon the girl who ripped his heart out a few years ago. Then stomped on it. Then blogged about how she stomped on it.

Later, you’ll sit across from each other in the dark and laugh. You’ll remind him he called you fat. He’ll look pained.

He’ll get something off his chest he should’ve said years ago. You would’ve cared then, but now it’s fine. No big deal.

You’ll tell him funny ways he haunted you. He’ll mention that weird sound you used to make.

No one wants exactly those things back. But something like them with someone else someday would be nice.

Afterward, you’ll wait at the subway together for your separate trains. He’ll ask if he can pick the lint off your fuzzy black hat. You’ll say yes.

You’ll look like friends.

His train will arrive. This time he’ll hug you goodbye.

This little comedic gem was submitted by SB reader Kelsey. Thanks Kelsey!

This morning was no different. I boarded the R train that goes from my house in Midtown to my job in Soho. It is a fairly quick trip, but even on the quickest of trips, you can catch a glimpse of a myriad of interesting things.

Today was probably the most shocking of all.

Across from me was a black man about my age. He was all ghettoed out, wearing baggy pants, a puffy ski parka, a Sean John sweater and a ski head pulled menacingly down on his eyes. He had chains around his neck and bright bling on his fingers and in his ears. He had a big bag on his lap and was shaking his head in time to the gangsta rap he was listening to that filtered into the rest of the car in staticked beeps.

He reached into his messenger bag and pulls out…. what I can’t quite see it…I squint my eyes to discern…it’s long and pointed…is it a knife?…is it a needle….

No, it’s a crocheting needle. He promptly pulls out a half-made green sock and continues on looping and connecting, his hands working wildly. There he sat from 42nd St., to Prince, pulling bright green wool from it’s skein and jabbing his number 7 crochet tool in and out, crocheting his little heart out.

The post-work subway ride uptown on Friday is my favorite of the week. I can always get a seat from the Wall Street stop, as people tend to leave their offices earlier. Because we get to sleep late the next day or have fun weekend plans too large for a cubicle, everyone tends to actually look at each other and even smile.

I don’t consider my workweek over until I’ve tutored my last student, Jing, on Friday night. But I do feel lighter. There’s a zip of camaraderie among passengers, like we’re all in on the same joke or headed to some surprise party someone very high-strung doesn’t know about.

A few Fridays ago, I was sitting on the train, listening to music and feeling good. A couple boarded with their toddler, the human equivalent of a sticker burr, a few stops after mine. He clung to his exhausted mom and howled when put down in his own seat.

I locked eyes with the woman sitting across from me. She was coming from a workplace somewhere near mine and had an easy smile barely hidden by Stranger Face, the public “Just get me where I need to be” face. Neither of us needed to say anything to verify a wavelength. If that kid didn’t shut up, our Friday evening buzz would be seriously harshed, man.

The mom and dad bent over the toddler to shush him. Strangers shot knowing glances as the boy kept screaming. “Just hold him already!” every passenger silently chided. A 2 train hath more judgment than the pearly gates.

Once on his dad’s lap, the squirming child vine fell into a short-lived hush, the calm before the snotty, whining storm. Then he started to scream and thrash like the lead singer of a death metal band.

The woman across from me sent a blinking grimace my way, which I recognized from my days of teaching. In English, it translates to something like, “Do we really need to keep this one alive?”

Does it also take a village to properly beat a child’s ass?

The mom looked ready to throw herself from the train. Meanwhile, the dad whipped out a book and started reading aloud.

Saved! The boy stopped crying, I turned down the music pumping from my headphones, and the woman across from me breathed a sigh of relief. Our subway car was collectively proud of this glorious moment in family literacy.

I was just considering letting myself doze a few stops, when the book’s plot dissolved or the animal characters became unsympathetic or maybe, maybe the boy was just the spawn of Satan.

Face-clawing, opera-singer-birthing-a-large-breech-pony cries.

Now good friends, give or take never formally meeting, I rolled my eyes at the woman across from me. She rolled hers back. The dad acted quickly and gave the toddler an apple, which he promptly bit into.

“Awww… He was hungry,” the fickle audience of passengers realized.

The train surged on in peace. When the boy dropped the apple, everyone braced for the din, but nothing happened. He was curious to see where it rolled and giggled in delight when a girl stopped the fruit’s flight with her foot.

The dad took it from her and here’s where it became really hard not to talk to strangers. The mom retrieved a tissue and some Purell, gave the apple a cursory wipe, and returned it to the boy. He started eating it. Greedily.

Everyone in the car turned against the parents then. Many people avoid touching the subway pole, which is about 3,000 times cleaner than the floor. Ewww! I’ve seen vomit, urine, tracked-in animal waste, and garbage on subway floors. I’d never seen anyone eat off of them.

The woman across from me agreed. She wrinkled her nose. When I mirrored the expression, she had to bite the insides of her cheeks to keep from laughing.

Where better to be disgusting than NYC public transportation? For this family, it was no big deal – just another big, dirty apple.

I shook with laughter until I transferred to the local 1 train at 96th Street, where the woman and I sat across from each other again.

In addition to looks, I almost wish we’d exchanged names.

You can take a ride on the nostalgia train yourself this Sunday and next along the V line.  If you go, let us know how your trip was.  Send us some pics and we’ll post them.

I wanted to let you know about my blog – MTA Please Fix Jay.

It’s dedicated to the conditions at the Jay Street-Borough Hall subway station in Brooklyn.

There are a few issues to deal with at the station:

1. the interior condition is a disaster.  Riders deserve to commute in a clean station.  Jay Street epitomizes neglect and disrespect.

2. the condition of the MTA owned building above the station is a disaster and a waste of money.  There is a sidewalk shed that has been there for a decade.  In the midst of a budget crisis the MTA has a valuable asset that they have left vacant for a decade.

3. the lack of attention outside the station means that cars (MTA vehicles included) park in the bus stops, forcing buses to double park in bike lanes and forcing riders to board in the middle of the street.

The blog is sarcastic and a bit silly, but the points are serious ones.  The MTA must serve us better.

This is a second-hand story that I will retell now.  I’m sure many of you will be able to relate.

I was speaking to a lady friend the other night, and she was telling me how she hates heavy nose breathers on the subway.

She’s not very tall.  Average height I guess.  However, when she’s in a crowded train in front of a taller guy, she often finds herself under his nose.

Not all up in his biznass, but close enough that they are literally breathing down her neck.  Some of them apparently breath out of their noses like they just got finished running the marathon.

I’d say that ranks up there in the grossness meter.  I don’t think I would be able to have some big dude breathing on my neck or head for an entire ride.

I haven’t experienced this myself, but I guess it is pretty common.

Photo

Hello,

I work for Hopstop and I’m a fan of your site. I’ve noticed you haven’t posted an entry about Hopstop in a while. Hopstop has recently acquired partnerships with Duane Reade and NY Magazine. We’ve also been featured on ABC News…

http://www.hopstop.com/video/abc2.html
http://www.hopstop.com/video/abc1.html

I would love for you to write another post regarding Hopstop’s growing popularity.

Best,

Name Removed to protect the intern that sent this (per her request)
Hopstop Inc.

—–

I guess it has been a while.  Have a feeling this will hold me over for quite a while now.

To share your story, simply shoot an email with your story off to “submit [at] subwayblogger.com”

Be sure to include any information about yourself or your website you would like included in the post.  You will get link back credit!  Or if you prefer, you can remain anonymous.

I was on my way to DTW for Yanira Castro’s installation piece, when I almost tripped on who I thought was on ordinary subway vagrant on the steps leading outside to the NE corner of 14th street at 6th avenue. (at the F stop)  I quickly realized that this man, bum or not, was not breathing and there was a small mass of people beginning to collect around the station. Mostly, people were as frozen as the man was.

I asked if anyone had a mirror, if the police had been called, had anytime tried to do CPR. No one really said anything, other than “he fell.” What worried me was that perhaps no one tried to help him immediately for fear he was homeless.

After about 5 minutes, the police and medics began pouring in and shoving people out of the way. No one in the crowd was of much help. Even the station agent who identified the man as a security agent who worked in the neighborhood, (and who presumably called 911) didn’t seem particularly concerned, or rather, there was a blatant lack of urgency or panic in his manner. CPR was performed for about 10 minutes but to no avail. A few minutes later, more support arrived to carry him away.

I am unsure as to his status and can only assume he did not make it, but have not heard anything on any local news outlet, so am wondering if anyone has written in about this or if anyone has heard anything about tragic incident.

I do hope he is alive.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Ugh.   Happy Holidays.

Submit your subway nonsense to submit [at] subwayblogger.com.   

Early reports indicate that there was a jumper at 77th Street on or near the 6 train that had suspended service in both directions for a period of time.

The NYPD DCPI reports that there does not appear to be any indication that the person was pushed, or that there was any foul play.  Emergency services responded, but the person in question was DOA.

All we know for now.

All my ideas were gone. I desperately tried to remember who was on the list, but it was all for naught. To make matters worse, I found myself either growing more patient with my fellow commuters or being too busy sweating my balls off. I even tried to get frustrated with people on purpose, but everyone was on their best behavior! Nobody so much as looked at me the wrong way! That in itself was frustrating. But then came the wedding…

The planning had been going full force for many months. The stress/anxiety levels were at record levels. I didn’t sleep enough and I had a million things on my mind. Low and behold, my patience level dropped to rock bottom. I’ll be damned if the Annoying Subway People ideas didn’t started flowing again!

So with that long intro out of the way, I present you the long overdue

15. Sickies: They’re already out in force now, but just you wait until cooler weather hits. I love boarding a train packed full of sniffling, sneezing, and coughing people. It’s even better when they’re sneezing and coughing directly on me. Screw carrying around Purell for my hands, I’m going to start carrying a can of Lysol to spray on people.

16. Bridge-Talkers: The N train takes anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes to cross the Manhattan Bridge. It’s the only part of my commute that has cell-phone service. Sure enough, every morning some jerk (or seven) pulls out his phone and squeezes in all-that important call. “Hey, what’s going on? Nothing? Me too. Just crossing the bridge…” and on and on and on. He doesn’t have anything to say, he’s just bored. Hey buddy, try reading a book or something. Nobody wants to hear how boring your life is.

17. Witches: Remember when we talked about Stair-Stoppers? Apparently there’s a extra special breed of stair-stoppers called Witches. You’ll see them as you try to exit the subway on a rainy day. They’ll make it all the way to the top of the stairs, then stop dead in their tracks and try to figure out how they’re going to survive when there’s a possibility of getting wet. You can actually see the panic in their eyes. Doesn’t matter if they have an umbrella. In fact, this might slow ‘em down even more. Bonus points for little people that have ridiculously massive umbrellas.

18. Manicurists: Gotta love the people who chew their nails then spit out the remains inside the subway car. That’s just awesome. I’d say that their punishment should be eating all the finger-nails they spit on the subway floor, but that probably wouldn’t bother them.

19. Diners: Hey buddy, I know that bucket of fried chicken was just calling your name, but do you have to eat it in the subway? Maybe you didn’t notice, but some of the other people in the car weigh less then 400 pounds. We might not like the smell of fried chicken. We also might not like the sight of you stuffing your face. If you can’t wait until you get home to eat you meal, you might have a slight problem.

20. Mumblers: This is an MTA gripe. As an announcer, your primary job is to announce things. If you’re unable to do so without mumbling and stammering, QUIT! It’s hard enough to hear with the crackling speakers, the No Speaka English-ites next to me who won’t shut the hell up, and that Diner stuffing half a chicken in his mouth. If there’s something that’s been deemed important enough to announce, step up to the mike and give it your all!

21. Door Sentries: These guys must be in training to be bouncers. They think it’s their job to stand in front of the doors, stop after stop, and look pretty. Either that or they’re trying to look down the shirt of the girl who’s sitting next to them. Either way, it should be legal to kick these guys in the back of the knee if they refuse to move. If you’re near the door and you’re not getting off at the next stop, you really need to get the hell out of the way. (And don’t get offended if you are a Door Sentry and I call you an asshole as I push past. You are in fact an asshole and you deserve to be pushed!)

Finally for today, our last Annoying Subway Person (for this round) is Number…

22: Rush-Hour Bikers. Look, it’s admirable that you’re riding your bike as part of your commute, but if you try to jam that thing into a crowded train, it’s only logical that you’re not going to fit. Also, am I missing something? Why are you on the train when you have your own transportation? Is it really worth all the effort to drag the bike down and up the subway stairs to not ride an extra five miles?! Keep your bikes on the street.

Wow. 22 Annoying Subway People! Want to know the best part? There’s more on the way!

Happy riding.

-T-

(See Todd’s Blog at BlogNameRemoved)

As you know onNYTurf.com runs a subway map service and you also know in recent days news broke of some sort of deal between the MTA and Google for creating some better NYC area transit mapping. We have been after this information for several months already, and are still waiting.

More than two months ago onNYTurf filed a FOIL request for all MTA Schedule information. Before that we put in requests using the MTA website. We have been interested in putting together a great comprehensive solution for some time. The trick is getting the massive amounts of schedule data in an easy to use format. For their part the MTA’s response to our FOIL has been slow, cryptic, and generally frustraiting. We have received some data from L.I.Bus, but it is a mess. We all know this is not how the MTA will treat Google. This raises the question of fair play.

Our position is that the data is paid for by the public and should be free and open for any website developer to use. It is our understanding from inside sources that the MTA already has the data neatly compiled for such use – certainly in better shape than the sample they set us. So why have they not been forthcoming with the data, and will they be even after this deal with Google?

I have posted a compete story about our saga with the MTA and some ruminations on why making this data publicly available is more important than just creating trip planners.

We will also be filing another FOIL request soon to try to learn what the MTA is providing to Google and to get a copy.

Regards,

Will
onNYTurf.com

Bernie Wagenblast’s Transportation Communications Newsletter is a little newsletter publication that sends out links to transit related articles of the day from all over the country. It’s not just NYC, but it’s cool to see what else is going on in other cities. Many of our troubles are not unique to New York!

So if you’re interested, you can see some of the archive emails.

OR

To subscribe send an e-mail to: TCNL-subscribe@googlegroups.com

Keep in mind, SUBWAYblogger has no idea if any of this guy’s facts are correct.  Also, we don’t necessarily share all his views.  But hey, we thought it seemed interesting, so we thought we’d publish it.

Dear Whomever,

My name is CXB and I’ve been pitching the no-brainer economics of FREE SUBWAYS for 15 years now. (Okay, I haven’t been dedicating very much time. Sorry.) Many of my “radical” ideas later came true, and this one will too if more people start discussing it and demanding it of the City Council and Bloomberg and Spitzer. (Giuliani proved me right when he made the Staten Island Ferry free.)

The irony is that I don’t ride the filthy, unpredictable trains. (I’m a cyclist.)

The other day, Lord Bloomberg even said FREE MASS TRANSIT would be the smartest thing, but he doesn’t have the guts/energy to do it.

But it’s a flawless plan. Perhaps you could spread the word, and you don’t even have to give me credit! Here’s a short examination / explanation:

FREE SUBWAYS
Impossible dream or intelligent fiscal innovation?
You be the judge!

“How are you going to pay for free subways?” is a silly question, obviously.
(It’s up there with, “but what will you do when you sail off the edge of the earth, Mr. Columbus?”)

FACT:
MAKING THE SUBWAYS FREE WILL NOT COST US A PENNY.

FACT:
MAKING THEM FREE WILL INSTEAD EARN US OVER $300,000,000 A YEAR.

FACT:
THE MTA IS REPLACING AN ASTRONOMICALLY EXPENSIVE SYSTEM OF FARE-COLLECTION (tokens, token clerks, token booths, token-taking turnstiles, etc.) WITH AN ASTRONOMICALLY EXPENSIVE SYSTEM OF FARE COLLECTION (metrocards, metrocard machines, metrocard-taking turnstiles, maintenance workers to fix / stock metrocard machines, people to sweep up the used metrocards, etc, etc,)!

FACT:
THERE ARE ONLY 2 WAYS TO FINANCE NYC’S SUBWAY SYSTEM:
Out of the pockets of citizens (daily) or
Out of the pockets of citizens (annually)

FACT:
The subway fare does NOT PAY FOR THE SUBWAY – ITS MOSTLY PAID FOR VIA ANNUAL TAX REVENUES. (The fare revenue covers less than 30% of operating costs. It’s mostly subsidized with tax dollars.)

FACT:
THE MTA SPENDS OVER $300,000,000 a year (!!!) TO COLLECT A FARE DAILY.
If we eliminate the fare altogether, we save 100% of that annual $300 million which they inefficiently waste collecting the fare. Comprende?

FACT:
THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY USED TO BE 50 CENTS AND NOW IT’S FREE.

(Which proves there’s a 100% chance we can implement my completely reasonable plan b/c it’s not a pipe dream.)

FACT:
We pay for 100% of NYC’s sidewalks & streets out of annual tax revenues.

Imagine if they decided to put toll booths on every avenue & street in Manhattan, to raise $ to pay for the roads! You’d say that’s totally insane and you’d be right. So why don’t you recognize the toll booth system underground is just as inefficient & insane? WASTE is WRONG (and government waste will be ILLEGAL when I’m mayor).

FACT:
It is MORE INTELLIGENT & EFFICIENT TO SOCIALIZE (ie, like single payer health care) most government services.

EX:
THE POLICE DEPARTMENT & THE FIRE DEPARTMENT PROVE EVERYDAY THAT SOCIALIZED SERVICES ARE MOST EFFICIENT. (Imagine if the NYPD started billing you once a month (or once a day like the MTA!!) for their services! They’d have to spend a hundred million extra dollars a year to set up a billing service & mail you a bill (like Con Ed & the phone companies do) wasting billions of dollars in tax money, manpower, and so on.

It would be absolutely MORONIC to bill millions of people each month (or each day as the MTA does) for the U.S. Military’s work protecting us!! (Note: the U.S. Military is a govt-run, MONOPOLY and everyone loves it that way—nobody wants to open it up to the “free market” b/c the free market is a lie and even Republicans know this, which is why they refuse to open PUBLIC SAFETY to it.)

Ohhh…..there’s waaaaaaaaaaaay more after the jump

FACT:
Conservatives & liberals are unanimous in their support for socialized police, FDNY & military alike, so not one human can argue that free subways wouldn’t be more efficient. (Imagine opening up the fire department to the “free market”! “Hello? Jim’s Firefighting, Inc? My house is on fire!! How quickly can you get here and what do you charge??”) (Capitalism is the most retarded economic/social structure in history!) (No wonder all the right wingers who claim to love “competition” can’t stop hailing the socialism of our military, police and fire departments.)

Socialism not only works, it works much better than anything else.

Even more telling, Public Safety is a lot more important than what brand VCR you buy, and so the right wing refuse to let Public Safety be open to the “free market” proving they believe socialism is superior for the MOST IMPORTANT MATTERS IN SOCIETY!) (I put “free market” in quotes because it’s the fakest scam & fraud ever seen. But don’t get me started.) 

SHALL I GO ON?

FACT:
MAKING THE SUBWAYS FREE WILL ALSO SAVE US BILLION$ IN LOST MANPOWER.

Everyone agrees: TIME = MONEY, and how much time has been spent / wasted over the last 100 years of subway riders waiting in token booth lines, or re-swiping Metrocards, or getting exact change for the bus? (FACT: The MTA owes you billions of dollars in lost time just for this.) And how much time will be wasted over the NEXT 100 years?

Ever missed your train because of a slow token clerk, or because you had to use a Metrocard machine that can’t take bills? I have—on hundreds of occasions. (It’s one reason I ride a bike every day now.)

FACT:
MAKING THE SUBWAYS FREE REDUCES POLLUTION AND TRAFFIC JAMS.
(EX: How much quicker will a bus ride across town be when people can just climb aboard without wasting a second on paying the fare or swiping their cards?? The fact that they made people have exact change for buses was madness!) 

FACT:
MAKING THE SUBWAYS FREE ELIMINATES 100% OF THE LITTER CREATED BY PATAKI & RUDY DINKINS-BLOOMBERG.

(ZERO % of tokens ended up as garbage, & 100% of Metrocards end up as garbage!) (You think they’re recycled?) (Even if they were, that’s hundreds of million$ more that’ll have to be spent, because disposal / recycling ain’t free!)

Let me repeat that one: the TOKEN gave us zero waste and litter and the Metrocards gave us 100% waste and litter! 

I think waste and litter is wrong. Bloomberg thinks it’s great.

[NOTE: The US Treasury is trying to switch us all to those ‘gold’ dollars for a smart reason: they last 100 years longer than dollar bills do, which last less than 5 years, usually. Governor Pataki did the exact OPPOSITE: replaced durable tokens with disposable plastic rectangles & someone got rich off this scam.) (When I become mayor, I’m going to take the 10 million dollars we spend each year on these stupid plastic rectangles and plant trees with the money instead.]

FACT:
THE POINT OF THE METROCARD WAS TO LOWER THE OPERATING COSTS OF THE SUBWAY. (AUTOMATING the system allowed them to lay off lots of costly labor.)

So….did the subway fare GO DOWN as it should’ve? Nope. Instead, it did the exact opposite: They gave you the biggest fare hike EVER. (From $1.25 to a $1.50.) Then, just a few years later, they gave you an even bigger fare hike - 33%! – the biggest ever. It’s a racket and as mayor, I will expose the billions of dollars they wasted and where those dollars went.

FACT:
THE MTA IS THE MOST CORRUPT GOVERNMENT AGENCY TODAY, and I’m not even going to discuss the millions of other crimes they commit. (That would require another 5 pages.) (You didn’t really believe that it takes 11 months to install an escalator—did you?) (You don’t really believe you have to “go Backwards to go forwards”, do you?)

And only one candidate – me – has a comprehensive plan to fix this. (Mike Bloomberg, Freddy Ferrer, and the rest of these airheads don’t care and are too thoughtless to even think about it.)

FACT:
THE MTA OWES YOU BILLIONS ON THEIR SCAMS AND WE MUST STOP THEM IMMEDIATELY, as their current plans intend billions more wasted in the coming years.

(EX: If the media or politicians had listened to me in 1992, they would’ve saved over a billion dollars they spent, a) Minting all new tokens (!); b) Installing brand new turnstiles (everyone forgets that the current turnstiles being phased out were only bought /installed five years ago!!); c) Removing all the new turnstiles we bought; d) Installing those new automated deathtrap vertical turnstiles that you can’t get a babystroller or bike through!

FACT:
THE MTA OWES YOU BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, and I’m the only candidate who promises (guaranteed in writing) to shut this shadowy organization down. (I’m also going to try and get billions of your lost money back.) (If YOU have to go backwards to go forwards, then so too should the scumbag heads of the MTA who all get chauffeured cars to drive them home from work! But that’s also covered in my FAIRNESS LAW.)

FACT:
You were robbed hard and if I have to, I’ll arrest and/or sue the hell out of these crooks for wasting /stealing YOUR money.

I could go on & on but please don’t make me. (And I’ll debate the naysayers any time any place, because I have a lot more details than listed here. Also, the people who think this will make the subways more crowded and unbearable are wrong. EX: People who drive cars or take cabs will not suddenly switch to subways because they’re free. They aren’t interested in saving money. They don’t like the subways.) 

HELP ME STOP THE MTA & The Republicans (who cut MTA subsidies –which caused the fare to be raised – so they could shift billions to corporate welfare for their rich pals like George Steinbrenner.)

Got it? They hiked “taxes” on the working class (most rich people and politicians don’t ride the subways) & then lowered taxes for the rich (via corporate welfare).

And then a million New Yorkers will have an extra $1,000 a year to spend, which will improve our economy! Compare this to Bloomberg’s INANE plans.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS, because the media is a lapdog for corrupt government. (Look for yourself: most articles about the 2005 race for mayor only discuss how big their bank accounts are & how much party machine support they have.)

The media won’t talk about ISSUES, IDEAS, SOLUTIONS, or problems. Their job is to manipulate elections by telling you who is the richest and who has been a politician the longest. They won’t talk issues because then the “main” candidates will look like empty suits and their bosses insist on sucking up to those in power. (Instead of those with brains.)

WE CAN MAKE THE SUBWAYS FREE TOMORROW but I can’t do it alone. Please help me stop our corrupt government and our corrupt media because making the subways free is a lot more important a priority (and can be done in minutes!) than a second avenue subway or other nonsense the government is planning poorly.

We’ve tried it Bloomberg’s way for 4 years and it failed miserably. It’s time for a change. 

Sincerely, Christopher X. Brodeur

IF YOU’RE AS SICK OF THIS GOVERNMENT AS WE ARE
VOTE
CXB FOR MAYOR

AND FOR MORE OF CXB’S 100 INNOVATIONS FOR NYC, VISIT
MayorBrodeur.org 2005 

On Wednesday March 14th, I posted my list of Annoying Subway people. I got a lot of fun responses to the list, so I planned on doing a follow-up. But then I thought about it. I thought, “Am I mocking other people because I don’t like myself?” and “Maybe I’m being way too hard on other people.” and “Maybe I should try to be more patient.” and finally “Am I too angry?” I decided not to post any more Annoying Subway People articles.

But then I saw this quote:

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.” (Margaret Halsey)

I thought to myself, “Hell, Margaret’s right! I’m well behaved and these people are like animals! I should write about it again!”

And so here we are. I’ve come up with a few more on my own, but I’ve also seen quite a few articles on this from other websites. Apparently other people think just like I do! Sit back and relax while I bring you:

Annoying Subway People (Part 2):

In case you forgot, here’s numbers one through six:

1. Zig-Zaggers.
2. Doddlers
3. Fingers in Ear People.
4. People Who Don’t Bathe
5. Door-Holders
6. Candy Selling Kids

Number 7: Window Scratchers: Whoever it is that scratches up the subway windows with graffiti. That must take a long while to do, so obviously this person has way too much time on their hands. I’ve said it before: Vandalism should be cause for immediate Tasering. Not just once, but 10 minutes of shock after shock from a police Taser. Maybe that’ll cut down on the ruined windows.

8: Stoppers/Stair Stoppers: The inbred breeding of half-minded Doddlers and Zig-Zaggers will lead to the dreaded Stopper. This person may look like he’s going to walk straight and true, but then out of nowhere, BAM! He stops and causes a chain reaction of chaos behind him. Even worse are the Stair Stoppers! This may sound trivial, but it is proven to lead to back-ups. (It’s called the shock-wave effect.) Please don’t be a stopper. Keep moving and veer off to the side if you need to pause a moment. The rest of us have places to be. We’re not impatient, we’re just really really motivated.

9: Earbud Guy: Ah yes. This guy just loves his music. He loves it so much that he’s going to crank up his mp3 player higher then his earbuds can handle. Now the whole train gets to love his music. It’s especially nice when Earbud Guy shares his music at 7am. I love Reggaeton at 7am. It warms my heart. (Almost as much as the thought of Earbud guy going deaf in a couple years.)

10: Stop and Go Conductors: Speed up, slow down, speed up, slow down, speed up, and… vomit. Nothing makes my morning commute more pleasant that an overpaid ass playing at the controls of the subway train. Seriously, it’s not that hard to do. Ready for it? Here it is: Go until you need to stop. There aren’t surprises on the track and if there are, well, speed up and run them over. Just don’t slow down until we get to the station. And when we do, slide in gently, don’t jerk it in awkwardly like you did with your prom date.

11: No Speaka English-ites: Just a quick Xenophobic pet peeve. If you’re going to have a full conversation in an America, speak English. If you suck at English, try anyway. It’s good practice. I’ll make an exception for tourists, but if you live here, speak the damn language when you’re out in public.

12: Mimes: Mimes should be barely tolerated, regardless of the circumstance, if only because they remind me of French people (of whom I am also not a fan). When they are ‘performing’ in a subway station? They should be sprayed with a fire hose. The big painful, knock-you-on-your-ass kind. I bet they’d scream…

13: Shorties: Noun. Definition: Short people who hang onto me and/or my clothing instead of the designated handles of The Subway. See also: China Town Residents. (Why? Why do they do this? You try to shake them off and they don’t let go!)

and the last one (for today),

14: The Leaning Sleepers: Subways are gross because there are gross people in them. When those gross people are sitting next to you fall asleep, then decide to lean onto you, you become gross. Unless you’re going to buy me dinner and tease me with suggestive eye glances over candlelight, don’t you dare lean on me! I hate being touched, and being touched by random (usually People Who Don’t Bathe) people on The Subway is the absolute worst. Imagine the lice and other infestations that are probably hopping onto your jacket. Sick dude.

That’s it for now. Don’t worry, there’s more to come! I’ve been keeping a list, and we’re nowhere near the end…

1.  Zig-Zaggers.  These are the people who can’t walk a straight line tosave their life.  They weave back and forth and eventually make it to where they’re going.  Is it indecision?  Is it lack of knowledge?  Are they just completely unaware that there are hundreds of other people around them who might be in a hurry?  In the world of Subway transfers this should be a death-penalty offense.  If you don’t know where you’re going, move the hell out of the way.  If you do know where you’re going, but it’s impossible for you to walk correctly, lay off the alcohol.  If you’re not drunk, stay home. Apparently you’re too damn retarded to live and work with the rest of us.  We don’t want you around.  You know whom you should take with you?  The…

2. Doddlers.  Definition: People whom doddle around at a pace that most would consider a weak crawl.  Again, if you’re completely lost, move aside and figure out where you’re going.  Don’t do the half step, stop, half step and stop again.  Basically, be aware of people around you.  There are variations of this.  If you’re handicapped I understand.  It’s not your fault.  I’ll gladly hang behind you while you give it your all.  Your day isn’t easy and I can respect that you’re still working at it.  But let me make this very clear: Being fat does not mean you’re handicapped.  There’s probably a reason that you’re too damn big to move at a normal NYC pace (read: fast).  Stop being lazy and pick up the pace!  If you’re unable, then move and wait for the rest of us to pass.  Seriously.

And if you are a Zig-Zagging Doddler, be prepared to get kicked in the back of the knee.

3.  Fingers in Ear People.  I get it, the trains can be loud.  Your precious ears can’t take it.  The Post told us that we’re all going to go deaf from the train noise.  This doesn’t give you permission to slow down to a creep and stick your fingers in your ears.  People doing this on the stairs drive me bonkers.  If you really have to plug your ears, can you practice at home to do it while walking fast?  Are you that uncoordinated?

Zig-Zagging Fingers in the Ears Doddlers?  I hope you fall down the steps and poke out your ear-drums.

4.  People Who Don’t Bathe.  Honestly, do I need to explain how much fun it is to stand next to an old person who has his or her armpit in your face and broadcasts the reeking odor of someone who hasn’t seen a shower since the early 90′s?  I’m speaking specifically of those who are clearly not homeless.  I don’t rip on the homeless unless they’re obnoxious.  I’m
talking about those who choose to smell.

People Who Don’t Bathe are almost always Doddlers.  But they typically don’t move fast enough to qualify as Zig-Zaggers.  Thank God, I don’t think I could handle the triple threat.

5.  Door-Holders:  There’s a special place in hell reserved for these people.  I don’t know if there’s any other time in life where one A-hole can inconvenience hundreds of people.  Consider it equal to using a fire truck to block an entire highway during rush hour.  Unless there is an emergency, and there’d better damn well be a really big emergency, there is absolutely no reason that you can’t wait for the next train.  And if you’re holding it for friends, well, I hate you.  Seriously.  If I owned a Taser you’d feel it in the small of your back.  Don’t think anyone on that train would be a witness against me.

And finally…

6. Candy Selling Kids.  I can’t really hate them, but they do annoy me.  “For my basketball team”?  Please.  First off, when the hell do you practice?  I see you almost daily selling candy!  “Stay off the streets…”  Being under the streets isn’t much better.  “The only candy I have left is…”  It’s always M&M Peanut!  Always!  Add in some Starbursts and Sour Patch Watermelon and you’ve got their daily stash!  But for as annoying as these kids are, the people who I truly, honest to God, hate with a passion are their parents.  Who pimps out their F-ing kids?  That is so wrong.

And that’s it!  For now…  There are still plenty of people who piss me off on a daily basis.

P.S.  Where the heck do the Candy Selling Kids get all those M&M Peanuts?

Contributed by Blog Name Removed.

1. Track work
2. Signal Trouble
3. Guard-light trouble (huh?)
4. Sick Customers
5. Customers holding doors
6. Emergency Brakes triggered; no cause found (that’s not comforting)
7. Broken rail (lovely)
8. Unruly riders
9. System Maintenance (isn’t that the same as #1?)
10. Emergency brakes triggered by signal

4,270 trains were thrown off schedule in 2006.  Somehow, that number seems low, no?  Or maybe I was unlucky enough to be stuck on 4,000 of those trains.  Either way, it seems a bit low.

Overall, the MTA has about 100 categories for transit delays.  In other words, they have over 100 excuses to use when you complain about train service.  Ahhh, the sweet work of a government job. 

From time to time, we get some very interesting reader mail.  This one was particularly interesting.  Disclaimer:  This really has nothing to do with the subway at all.  However, as pointed out below, it does have something to do with city transit, so we thought we would let this slide by. 

Anyway, this kid created this cool mashup that takes all the city’s parking garages and puts them on a google map.  It will also calculate the cost to park your car at each garage!  It puts the color coded garages/lots on a map (color coded cheap to expensive). 

Here’s what we got from the founder. 

Dear “Subway Blogger”, 

Although the following “tip” does not fall within the subway category, it has very much to do with transportation. I am an 18 year old student and just started a free service to benefit drivers in New York City. The website, http://www.NYCgarages.com, allows users to search and compare all parking garage/lot rates and locations for daily, weekly, and monthly parking. 

My service instantly calculates all rates, including regular rates, early bird specials, weekend specials, night specials, SUV/oversize/luxury vehicle rates, motorcycle rates, etc. A user can view the precise locations of all the garages in any area (i.e., the actual entrances and not just official building addresses) on a high-quality Google map, and then enter arrival and departure times to generate the rates directly and visually onto the map.

The display also includes other relevant garage information (e.g., capacity, hours, and restrictions).  NYCgarages.com directly benefits visitors, commuters, New York City residents, and anyone else who drives a vehicle in New York City. Our coverage area currently spans from 100th Street down to the southern tip of Manhattan. We will also be releasing a mobile phone version of the service shortly.

So check it out.  I have a feeling we will be hearing more about this mashup in the near future. 

I rode in a new Subway train today.  I tried to look it up in the MTA website, but what do you know, most of the MTA site isn’t working!  Ha!  If that’s not classic, I don’t know what is. 

A word about the new trains: Sweet. 

They’ve got a new suspension system that uses “air-bags,” but it’s nice and smooth.  The “digital” displays are still stuck in the late 80′s, but they’re informative.  They said that they changed the placement of the doors to improve flow, but they seemed like the same old doors to me. 

Finally, the LCD screen was fun to look at for a few minutes, but I guarantee that those things are broken within months and then not fixed.  Ever.  Ah well, at least they’re new and clean.

The one I rode this morning (N from Pacific St to Union Sq) was in “test mode,” so it only went half speed.  That sucked.  Let’s get those bad boys moving full speed!

Todd writes for BlogNameRemoved.com and contributed this article.

Did you ever stop and wonder how often a subway car gets cleaned? You’d think that they get at least a walk through to pick up trash on a fairly regular basis, but how often are they really CLEANED?

SUBWAYblogger’s going to do a little homework on this one.

Logic says that each train car probably rarely gets a scrub. You figure that millions of people ride the subway everyday, so how much time is really left to give the cars a good cleaning? Probably not much. Sure, there’s a service rotation that each train goes through, but I’d imagine that they don’t get this kind of service very often.

That’s the basis for why SUBWAYblogger avoids touching things on the subway. It’s not an OCD sort of thing. It’s a “you can feel the grease” on the grab rails kinda thing. You can write your name in the “hand juice” on the poles. Ewww.

So I wonder if the MTA can get out a wetnap from time to time.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

I thought it was hard to type a complete posting in the time it takes to get from point A to point B. Yet somehow he manages to do an awesome sketch.

A full portfolio of his work is available on Flickr.

That said, I have a funny story to tell.

So, this one time, I’m on my way to work (on the ‘N’ line) and we’re standing in between stations waiting for the train before us to clear. There’s this quite attractive girl sitting across from me and she’s putting on her make up. She’s quite skilled. She’s holding a mirror in between her thumb and forefinger and a mascara in between her pinky and fourth finger and she’s doing her lashes.

You can tell from the way she is holding her stuff, that she’s done that before. She obviously knows how to juggle it all. I’m pretending to read as I observe her from behind my book, she has already put so much gunk on her eyelashes I am sure she will have trouble blinking.

So all of a sudden the train jerks violently just as she puts another layer of the black stuff and WHAM! she rams that brush-thing into the corner of her eye and all the way across to her hair line. (Imagine Cleopatra make up).

Immediately she pulls out a tissue and tries to wipe it away, but I guess the thing is waterproof ans she ends up smearing the thing all over the side of her eye.

People are looking at her trying to keep a straight face, I’m covering my face with my book and hold my giggle-snorts and I watch her desperately rub the blackish mass off her face.

She got off the train as soon as we pulled up to a station. I don’t think it was her station either.

I have tons of more stories. For some reason, I always seem to catch the eye of THE WEIRDEST people. I will try posting them on my blog.

—–

Snickerdoodles contributed this post. You can read her blog at http://snickerd00dles.livejournal.com/. If you would like to contribute a post about your subway experience, send them along to submit [@] subwayblogger.com .