Category: Good lookin’

Failed prediction and not enough clothing

subwayblogger1 Comment

Well my prediction yesterday that today would be especially crowded was wrong. It is strangely quiet on the subway today too. However, I thing that because it is Friday. On to my next subject…

Ladies, let me talk to you for a minute. Especially the lady sitting across from me on the train right now. Ladies, it is time to let go. Those little tops with the built in bras were meant for you 8 sizes ago.

I know “you’ve always worn them,” but that was back when you were in middle school. Take a look in the mirror. If your waist looks like a freshly popped tube of Pillsbury biscuit dough, maybe it is time to NOT wear that top.

Also, if each of your breasts are larger that a toddler, you need to wear a bra at all times outside of your home. This is for the safety of those around you.

No matter what your girlfriends say, it isn’t sexy to show off your muffin top. It says, “I am a tramp who is too cheap to replace thee jeans I bought in 1996.”Help all of your fellow passengers keep their breakfasts down, and put on some bigger clothes!Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Holy cow! Am I the hot one?

subwayblogger2 Comments

Have you ever played, “find the hot guy/girl” on the subway?  You know what I mean. Only about 5% of the people in any given subway car are actually attractive. So the game is to find the hottest people on your car. You know…in case we get stuck down here during a disaster and need to repopulate New York City.

Anyway, following the 5% rule, I would assume that I could find someone right now. But I can’t! I’ve literally walked the entire platform, and there is not a single attractive person to be found, yet there are hundreds of people standing here. How I this possible?!?  Did I jump down some ugly rabbit hole? 

My only conclusion: I must be today’s attractive person, and that my friends is beyond sad. What kind of messed up alignment of the planets allowed for me to represent the good looking part of the population?  Don’t get me wrong, I am no subway troll or anything. I am what could (at best) be described as unobjectionable. Not good looking. No horrific. Just plain. So how the hell did I end up with this kind of responsibility?  Someone in charge is gonna get canned for this one.Live from the subway, back to you in studio…