Police to Fight Subway Perverts?

AMNY reports that the Manhattan borough president wants to have the police crack down on subway pervsattacking and harassing people in the subway.

Scott Stringer’s office asked commuters how often someone sexually attacked or harassed them in the subway, and found frightening results. More than 60 percent of those who responded to the online study said they were sexually harassed and 10 percent said they’d been sexually assaulted. (AMNY)

60% !??!  Are you kidding me?   More than half the riders of the subway have been sexually harassed in the subway?  That seems a bit too extreme.  Ok, so 98% have been harassed in general, but not sexually. 

Rush hour was noted as the most dangerous time to get sexed up.  How is that?  One woman reported that a man began to masturbate across right in front of her.  I must be missing something.  Where are all these freaks at 5:30pm on a Tuesday?

I guess I can see how people can cop a feel while getting crammed into a subway car.  I mean, it is just close quarters.  Your entire body gets pressed up against the person in front of you, but I don’t think that counts as a sexual crime.  Pervs must be playing grab ass or something and blaming it on the congestion. 

I guess I will have to do a better job protecting my sweet, sweet ass. 

Suitcases Everywhere

Holy suitcases batman!  Where the hell is everyone going today?

Everywhere I look, there’s people with suitcases trying to get onto the subway.  I guess everyone is getting out of dodge for the weekend.  Maybe they figured that they would avoid the Memorial Day weekend traffic and just go the next weekend. 

I love how women pack massive suitcases that weigh more than they do just to go on a weekend trip.  There they stand, helplessly at the bottom of the stairs waiting for guys to come by and help them out.

Here’s a tip:  If that’s your game plan, you’d better be cute.  If you’re not at least a little attractive, good luck getting someone to stop and help you in the peak of the early morning commute.  This is especially true of you’ve got a bag packed with every pair of shoes you own (all 300 pairs) because you never know what you might need to wear in the 2 days you plan to be away from your apartment. 

There was a line of women waiting at the elevator at pen station.  There were so many, and their bags were so big, that they had to wait and go in shifts. 

I saw at least a half a dozen people getting on and off the trains with big rolling bags at EVERY stop this morning.  That’s just what I could see from my train car, so I am sure there were plenty more.  Hope there’s not something I should know about this weekend!

Subway Fashion Fugly

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Just about every outfit you see on the subway is a “fashion don’t.” Did you ever find yourself riding the train wondering if you are the only normal looking one on board?

In the winter, it’s cold. People just look like idiots because they are wearing whatever they can to stay warm. In the summer though, people are clearly not thinking, or have simply giving up. To some extent, I can understand giving up when it is a million degrees out.

Anyway, here’s some major fashion don’ts that you’ll find on every train. Sorry ladies, but most of them fall on you.

1. Pants that are 4 to 6 sizes too small. Sorry lady, you shouldn’t be buying the same size jeans you wore when you were 14 years old. Where in the Hispanic and African community did someone decide that it was sexy to barely be able to have your zipper reach the top? Sure, white girls are sometimes guilty too, but they are just plain sloppy. The African and Hispanic ladies wear them with purpose!

2. Women with breasts the size of toddlers that don’t wear bras. Just because the tank-top says “built in bra” doesn’t mean that it can hold 50 pounds of boob meat.

3. Some people just shouldn’t wear sandals. Nuff said.

Dice Man4. Sleeveless tee shirts (guys) where you cut the sleeves off yourself. Fellas, in case you didn’t know, the gym has this thing called a locker room where you can change out of your workout clothes. Also, Andrew Dice Clay wants his outfit back.

5. Strapless tops with non-strapless bras. Wasn’t this a redneck joke? You know you’re a redneck if you wear a strapless top with a bra that isn’t? Well, I swear I have seen a half dozen women like this already this year. Ok maybe a strapless top with a tank top under neath is ok. A little 80’s retro look is cool. But this is an all out BRA.

Strapless6. Sunglasses under ground. Ok, what the hell is this? Why do some women wear those huge chemistry goggle sunglasses on the train? It doesn’t make you look swank or mysterious. The only mystery is whether or not there is a person behind those manhole sized glasses. Honestly, theses sunglasses are getting so big that they could double as welding masks.

I’m sure you have some more of your own, so let’s hear them! Hit up the comments.

Too Much Information: Sex advice from subway performers

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Nerve did a bizarre article that profiles subway performers and sex advice.  Sure, you may be thinking “of course subway performers are sex experts.”  However, SUBWAYblogger did not think the same thing. 

Anyway, here’s a sample of the kind of thing that gets asked in the article.

How would you handle a menstrual explosion during sex with a casual partner?
Pretend it happens every day. I would be like, “Yeah, here it is again. Thank God!”

Yeaaaahh…about that…

Read More »

We are looking rough people

crazycoat.jpgIt’s funny how in the warmer months, New York City is one of the most fashionable places on the planet. Everyone is dressed to impress at all times.

In the winter, it we look like we just got off the short bus. I’m looking around at everyone on this train, and we (myself included) look terrible.

Everyone has on 8 layers, scarfs wrapped around our heads, bright colored mittens that don’t match anything. Hats with ear flaps?!?! Yeah, it’s pretty bad.

The complete opposite in the summer. When it is warm, its nothing but beautiful people as far as the eye can see. Now? Yikes.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

What is that smell and get a haircut

First of all, what is that smell. More importantly WHO is that smell coming from. I know SUBWAYblogger just wrote about the smell in the subway, but this morning’s odor is pretty impressive.

Anyway, guys with ponytails look like idiots. Unless you are in an active rock band, you have no excuse, so go get a haircut. When you have to borrow an elastic from a girl, well, that’s just the stupidest thing ever.

Hey, a little shaggy top is ok. But if your ears are covered or have to keep flipping your bangs out of your eyes, there is a problem.

I have a question for Hispanic women. Do you find it attractive when your men have their hair pulled back, but then have their entire hairline shaved perfectly straight. You know, many Hispanic men obviously sit for hours with a razor to sculpt their bangs, side burns, and the rest of their hairline. Many of the men obviously went a little to far up! They shave off the widow’s peak or move their forehead’s hairline up a quarter inch.

Anyway, is that attractive to you? Maybe Hispanic ladies like it. In which case, it makes sense that the men would do it. Otherwise, don’t these guys look a little too…gay?

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Too cool

Some people think they are hot sh*t when they really aren’t. The ones that make SUBWAYblogger shake its head most are the trashy ghetto dressers. They just look like idiots, and they have the attitude to match.

There are plenty of ghetto fab people, and they really pull it off. They look good. Then, there’s ghetto trashy.

I bring it up because you are most likely to see them on a subway platform somewhere. They usually have brand new Timberlands on, but the rest of them looks like complete hell. Most obvious is their overall greasy appearance.

But then they have the BIGGEST attitudes. There the two of you are, standing waiting for the train while they complain about how crowded it is…as if they deserve their own train car.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Mailbag – Meeting women on the subway

From a SUBWAYblogger reader: 

I just found your site and I’m psyched.  I’ve done a search and can’t find a post on this, but I’ve had, for years, a burning question about the subway. I’ve asked everyone I know ­ guys and girls ­ and no one has come up with anything resembling a workable  answer.

Question:  How can you approach and meet a cute girl on the subway during the morning or evening without getting maced or arrested or having your picture taken with a cell phone and it ending up in the NYPost?  Obviously, you could just walk up and say hi.  But that¹s likely to freak out anyone.  The trick is to get past the “I hate everyone in this car” attitude.

It’s mostly academic by this point.  I feel it’s not actually possible but it’s a large universe with infinite possibilities, so there should be something.  It’s also fun just to hear what kind of answers people can come up with.

A related question is how do you approach and meet a cute girl jogging in Central Park?  This one I actually got a semi-workable answer: jog along near her and purposely trip/stumble and in the process knock her down. Obviously that’s probably some sort of crime and, more importantly, you have to make REAL sure she doesn’t get hurt.  But it does afford the opportunity to chat.

 – damien.

Hey dude, thanks for the email.  First off, we don’t do Central Park.  It’s not our thing.  Sorry bud.

As for talking to girls in the subway, always look for the out-of-towners.  They are the most likely to talk to you.  Especially if it seems like they lost or confused about where they are going.  From there, you can help them out and tell them where they can “find a good time.”  Regular New Yorker chicks are going to get you put on the sex offender’s list.

SUBWAYblogger has a strict “don’t give up the seat” policy.  However, for an attactive little dish, the rules can be broken.  This too can serve as a nice ice breaker.  Give up your seat for her and that might be your ticket in.

Lastly, on an over crowded train, always try to keep a little extra space around you.  Don’t let anyone in unless it is a girl you want to talk to.  If you “all of a sudden” can squeeze a little extra space for her to slide into, you’re in!  Not only are you a nice guy, but now you are inside her personal space.  Nice opportunity to make some small talk.

From here, we will leave it open to the SUBWAYblogger readers.  Leave a comment if you have more ideas!  Thanks again for the email.

Nice and cool outside, still hot as hell in the subway

Just how long does it take for the subway system to cool off? It seems like it took about an hour for it to heat up to 1000 degrees. So what give? It should be able to cool down just as quick.

Fall is in the air though! Of course, we will have a freak, mini heatwave I’m sure.

Changing gears…

Foreign chics have some “interesting” style choices. I’m staning in the doorway with a couple girls…I think they are Italian. One, whoa ugly, has a tie-die Mickey Mouse tank top on with low rise jeans and while velcro shoes. The other girl has a pretty normal top on but the lowest rise jeans I think I’ve ever seen. I can see 90% of her hips. Any minute now I’m sure we’ll see the old landing strip. That’s how low these things are. She’s skinny as a rail so she can pull it off.

Ok wow, I’m surrounded by weirdness. Across from me is what I thought was a tall sk8ter guy. Long hair. Looks like a missing Hanson brother. Skinny too. However, now I am fairly certain I am seeing breasts. Not man boobies because this “person” is waaay to thin for them. Wow. Ok… That’s enough subway for today.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…