Halloween Freakshow 2008

Well folks, we’ve survived (most of us) another Halloween in NYC.  It never ceases to amaze me how seriously New Yorkers take Halloween.

Even if you didn’t make it down to the Village for the parade, you can still see the “interesting” costumes underground.  The subway becomes it’s own parade all night long.

Most people take the subway downtown for two reasons:  1) it’s fast on a busy night like Halloween.  2) Seeing everyone else dressed up on the train is half the fun of the night.

Here’s just a very, very small sample of what you missed last night.

If you’ve got some interesting subway Halloween pictures, we’d love to see them.  Post a link in the comments or send them to submit [(at)] subwayblogger.com.

Photo Credits:  One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine

The Most Disgusting Thing I’ve Ever Seen

Nail Clipper

So I’ve seen a lot of gross stuff happen, especially in the subway.  Gross, smelly, oozing homeless feet.  Fat, sweating, pigs of human beings in airconditionless subway cars.  Really, it takes a lot to make my skin crawl.  However, this put me over the edge.

I was on a 3 train coming from downtown.  It was pretty crowded, and kinda hot.  The AC was working, but not too well.  The trains were also slow, so there was a slightly higher number of people in each train.

I was standing at the end of a car, standing over the little two-seater.  There was an 16 or 17 year old couple (guy and girl).

Just to paint the picture…

Her: Tight, tiiiiight black acid washed jeans.  Halter top that didn’t quite make it over the muffin top.  High tops.  Little acne problem.

Him: All black clothing starting at the top with the Yankees cap and do-rag.  Cap at the standard 45 degrees, but also askew like a beret.  Black t-shirt long enough to go past his knees.  Fake silver chain with a cross and skull.

Here comes the grossness…you’ve been warned.

At first I look down, and she is picking the dirt out from under his fingernails.  Already, I’m grossed out.  She gets to his thumb, and starts having issues.

Her fake acrylic nails are getting in the way.  And he has one little corner on his nail that is a little sharp.  She starts to try to pick the sharp corner off to no avail.

So then (cue drum roll), she puts his thumb in her mouth to bit his thumbnail!  I shit you not.  She starts biting his nails like they were her own.  Just chompin’ away.

She nibbles an entire strip as if she were a nail clipper, and spits it out at my feet.  Then moves on to the next finger.

He’s just sitting there, too hardcore for life, like nothing odd is going on at all.  Meanwhile, his fingernails are getting a mouth manicure right before our very eyes.

Possibly one of the most retarded things I have seen to date. y

Subway Crush Facilitates Subway Lovin’

Remember that guy that saw a girl on the subway and fell in love with her immediately? Or perhaps you remember feeling a little nauseous when you read the story.

SubwayCrush.com Logo

Well now there’s a brand new site that allows you to get stalked find your missed subway love connection.

SubwayCrush.com is a new site that simply allows you to post a quick note about the person you saw in hopes that maybe they will see it and respond.

The little post lines remind me of a Twitter thread. They are just quick one-liners. However, in this case, they are organized by subway line.

It’s an interesting concept. Already has a few dozen posts.

Police to Fight Subway Perverts?

AMNY reports that the Manhattan borough president wants to have the police crack down on subway pervsattacking and harassing people in the subway.

Scott Stringer’s office asked commuters how often someone sexually attacked or harassed them in the subway, and found frightening results. More than 60 percent of those who responded to the online study said they were sexually harassed and 10 percent said they’d been sexually assaulted. (AMNY)

60% !??!  Are you kidding me?   More than half the riders of the subway have been sexually harassed in the subway?  That seems a bit too extreme.  Ok, so 98% have been harassed in general, but not sexually. 

Rush hour was noted as the most dangerous time to get sexed up.  How is that?  One woman reported that a man began to masturbate across right in front of her.  I must be missing something.  Where are all these freaks at 5:30pm on a Tuesday?

I guess I can see how people can cop a feel while getting crammed into a subway car.  I mean, it is just close quarters.  Your entire body gets pressed up against the person in front of you, but I don’t think that counts as a sexual crime.  Pervs must be playing grab ass or something and blaming it on the congestion. 

I guess I will have to do a better job protecting my sweet, sweet ass. 

Suitcases Everywhere

Holy suitcases batman!  Where the hell is everyone going today?

Everywhere I look, there’s people with suitcases trying to get onto the subway.  I guess everyone is getting out of dodge for the weekend.  Maybe they figured that they would avoid the Memorial Day weekend traffic and just go the next weekend. 

I love how women pack massive suitcases that weigh more than they do just to go on a weekend trip.  There they stand, helplessly at the bottom of the stairs waiting for guys to come by and help them out.

Here’s a tip:  If that’s your game plan, you’d better be cute.  If you’re not at least a little attractive, good luck getting someone to stop and help you in the peak of the early morning commute.  This is especially true of you’ve got a bag packed with every pair of shoes you own (all 300 pairs) because you never know what you might need to wear in the 2 days you plan to be away from your apartment. 

There was a line of women waiting at the elevator at pen station.  There were so many, and their bags were so big, that they had to wait and go in shifts. 

I saw at least a half a dozen people getting on and off the trains with big rolling bags at EVERY stop this morning.  That’s just what I could see from my train car, so I am sure there were plenty more.  Hope there’s not something I should know about this weekend!

Subway Fashion Fugly

trouble.jpg

Just about every outfit you see on the subway is a “fashion don’t.” Did you ever find yourself riding the train wondering if you are the only normal looking one on board?

In the winter, it’s cold. People just look like idiots because they are wearing whatever they can to stay warm. In the summer though, people are clearly not thinking, or have simply giving up. To some extent, I can understand giving up when it is a million degrees out.

Anyway, here’s some major fashion don’ts that you’ll find on every train. Sorry ladies, but most of them fall on you.

1. Pants that are 4 to 6 sizes too small. Sorry lady, you shouldn’t be buying the same size jeans you wore when you were 14 years old. Where in the Hispanic and African community did someone decide that it was sexy to barely be able to have your zipper reach the top? Sure, white girls are sometimes guilty too, but they are just plain sloppy. The African and Hispanic ladies wear them with purpose!

2. Women with breasts the size of toddlers that don’t wear bras. Just because the tank-top says “built in bra” doesn’t mean that it can hold 50 pounds of boob meat.

3. Some people just shouldn’t wear sandals. Nuff said.

Dice Man4. Sleeveless tee shirts (guys) where you cut the sleeves off yourself. Fellas, in case you didn’t know, the gym has this thing called a locker room where you can change out of your workout clothes. Also, Andrew Dice Clay wants his outfit back.

5. Strapless tops with non-strapless bras. Wasn’t this a redneck joke? You know you’re a redneck if you wear a strapless top with a bra that isn’t? Well, I swear I have seen a half dozen women like this already this year. Ok maybe a strapless top with a tank top under neath is ok. A little 80’s retro look is cool. But this is an all out BRA.

Strapless6. Sunglasses under ground. Ok, what the hell is this? Why do some women wear those huge chemistry goggle sunglasses on the train? It doesn’t make you look swank or mysterious. The only mystery is whether or not there is a person behind those manhole sized glasses. Honestly, theses sunglasses are getting so big that they could double as welding masks.

I’m sure you have some more of your own, so let’s hear them! Hit up the comments.

Too Much Information: Sex advice from subway performers

bigicon_sans.jpg

Nerve did a bizarre article that profiles subway performers and sex advice.  Sure, you may be thinking “of course subway performers are sex experts.”  However, SUBWAYblogger did not think the same thing. 

Anyway, here’s a sample of the kind of thing that gets asked in the article.

How would you handle a menstrual explosion during sex with a casual partner?
Pretend it happens every day. I would be like, “Yeah, here it is again. Thank God!”

Yeaaaahh…about that…

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