Nothing Better than Perfect Timing

I know I’ve said it before, but it excites me I guess.  Yeah, I’m a huge dork.

Nothing is better than flawless subway timing.  You walk into the station, and just as you swipe through the turnstile, the train arrives.

You hop right on, and hell, there might even be an open seat.  You fly through all the stops to the point where you make a connection.  What do you know, right across the platform is your connecting train already waiting.

You get to your final stop so early, you can take your time getting to work.  Maybe you even have time for a more complicated order at Starbucks.  Heck, you’ve got all this extra time to kill now.

How sweet it is.

I Fought with a Bum Today

Sort of.  Also, it turns out you can’t blog about it on your Blackberry while you are in the process of screaming at a scrawny bum.

Anyway, this morning it was raining pretty hard as we all know.  On my train, there was an open window that obviously had water leak down it and formed a puddle in one of the seats.

Unfortunately, I found myself standing directly in front of that seat.  I didn’t want the seat, but saw the open space.  So I spent much of the ride trying to explain to old ladies that they couldn’t sit there because of the puddle, as they pushed me out of the way.

About half way to my stop, a skinny a-hole homeless guy got on the train screaming .  F-this and F-that. Screaming at random people to get the f out of his way.  What are they looking at.  Then telling women he could see down their tops.  A real specimen.

Little eagle-eye spotted the open seat and squirmed his way though the packed train car where I (and others around me) said the seat’s wet.  Note:  I’m standing almost close enough for my shins to touch the front edge of the seat, that’s how packed the train is.  I’m at mid car, near the middle doors.  The wet seat is one spot in from the end of the bench.

So he comes in from my left and reaches down to the seat and brushes the puddle of water off the seat onto the front of my pants!  Like a big, fast wiping action to flick the water off.  He only got about half of the water off the seat when he started to spin around to sit down.

At first I was in shock, but then I said, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

I will leave the rest to your imagination.  I don’t want to go into any details, but he was not on board the train when we left the next station.

I have a fairly high tollerance for these guys because clearly they have mental problems.  However, when you are saying things like he said and splashing water on me, it really gets to the point where action needs to be taken.

Back Off

Can I just say that the women who leap over people to dive on an open seat need to freaking relax. I mean seriously.

Ok here’s the profile of the people I generally speak of:

18-34 Years Old
Usually White
iPod Wearing

The skinny aspect is critical to the scenario because these women jump at even the smallest seat. There could be a sliver of seat showing between two fairly large people, and these women will knock people over to get it.

Anyway, I generally don’t sit. I stand for the whole ride unless it happens to be a really slow transit day. Even when I am literally standing in front of an open seat, and I wont take it because there’s going to be someone that either needs it more or wants it more than me. So I generally move out of the way.

So if you want the empty seat in front of me, all you gotta do is ask me to move so you can get by me. There’s no need to duck under my arm and slam me in the ribs with your hug purse.

Side note, when the shit you are carrying is bigger than your lap, you can’t hold it on your lap or attempt to navigate a crowded train. Just stand where you’re at, and don’t move. Above all else, don’t get pissed when people bump into you because you have a 50 cubic foot purse.