BREAKING NEWS: The Subway is Dirty

Further proof that the MTA is an embarrassing bureaucracy.

The MTA released the results of a comprehensive study that found the subway is dirty.  Folks, I wish it was a joke.  The MTA’s advocacy group’s 61 page [gasp] report said the stations are dirty aaaaaand many of them are literally falling apart.

Read the report for yourself.

Honestly, why do we need to study this stuff?  Can we just take a weekend, ride around to all the stops, and identify the ones that need the most work?  Oh wait, that’s all of them.

In other news, the new MTA Headquarters fire emergency plan was released:

(STEP 1)  Deny the existence of the fire as long as possible.

(STEP 2)  Ignore the first 100 emergency phone calls (min) related to this “alleged” blaze.

(STEP 3)  Mount a task force headed by an MTA Board member.  Call it the “Matchstick Committee.”

(STEP 4)  Hold a press release to announce the results fire existence study.

(STEP 5)  Hold emergency budget meeting to discuss fire extinguisher purchases.  Turns out, the ones in the building from 1932 are filled with seltzer water.

(STEP 6)  Increase fares.  New fire extinguishers won’t pay for themselves.

(STEP 7)  Perish in blaze.  Luckily, no MTA board members were actually in the office.  They were off hiding their government issued EZ Passes.