Someone should let teenage guys with long hair know that they look gay. If they are gay, then I guess everything is cool. Otherwise, get your ass to SuperCuts.

If your hair covers your ears, you are the ones I am talking about. Take a look at some old Hanson videos. Do those fellas look cool? Uhhh NO. Slap some boobs on one of them and you’ve got a fairly decent looking chick.

As for the kid in front of me right now, if you flip your ratty hair in my face one more time, I may have to beat you. Everyone around us right now doesn’t believe that you are “with” that chick you are talking to.

Holy crap, you are wearing dog tags. Not even authentic looking ones either. Small crome ones. Yeah, you need your ass kicking quota bumped up. It is time for an intervention. Plus, we need to get those red Converse sneakers back to their rightful owner…in the late 80s.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…