Close, but No Cigar

WARNING:  This is a poo related story, using some poo humor.  It is a true story, but thought you should be warned.

Ok, this has absolutely nothing to do with the subway, but it was so unreal, I had to share it.

So I took a little trip to Shake Shack in Madison Square Park this afternoon.  Had a couple brewskies before getting there, and had to make a tinkle.

Luckily, they have that fancy new electronic pay toilet there.  I was so pumped.  I had seen it on TV, but never had the pleasure of partaking in the experience.

So there was a line.  Only two people in front of me.

An older man went in and took his time.  Not obnoxiously long, but long.  Maybe he couldn’t find the button to get out of there.  Who knows.

Anyway, there was a woman in front of me with her boyfriend.  She was doing the pee pee dance which was funny because I’ve never seen a 30 year old do that.  Anyway, there was a clear look of desperation in her eye.

Well, the door opened, and the man emerged, but no relief for the woman.  Why?  The rinse cycle.  The entire bathroom gets a spraydown between each use.  The door closes.

Well, she inches over to the control panel where you insert your 25 cents.  Still dancing.



I look back over to see that she is literally crapping her shorts.  Right before my eyes.  A grown, normal looking woman has poo falling from her shorts onto the sidewalk. 

I was in just as much shock as her I think.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

She finally made it in there.  I had to pull out my camera, because I was going to have to tell this story, and no one was going to believe me.  No one would believe that she was literally inches away from the toilet, and dropped a load on the sidewalk.

The experience will probably haunt my dreams.  Then again, it was a crappy day for her.  (Ohhh pun intended.  Couldn’t help myself.)

19 thoughts on “Close, but No Cigar

  1. (I’m so tempted to continue with the puns–I can think of a few, but I’ll spare everyone).

    That poor woman—gotta feel sorry for her. And come to think of it, you too, for having to witness it.


  2. Oh, the embarrassment… I feel so bad for the lady. I don’t feel bad for the guy who witnessed it, I’ve seen plenty of intentional pooping on the subway. When you have an hour and a half of commuting back and forth from home and work, you get plenty of exposure to teh P00PZ!


  3. Ever thought that this woman may have a serious disease such as Crohn’s disease or IBS? Shame on you for making this into “news” on your blog.


  4. This is not the kinda thing you post. Really stupid man. Not only is it not the subway, but if she wasn’t feeling absolutely horrible it wouldn’t have happened. You shouldn’t call out people’s sickness in a blog like this.


  5. She was probably just sick & was worried that something like that would happen. Isn’t that kinda your worst nightmare? That you’d be that sick & unable to control yourself & somebody would see it & make fun of it?

    It’s really not funny.


  6. @Amy – Agreed. But as far as anyone is concerned, “she” is a nameless, faceless person out in society.

    Sure, it would be totally mean to post a picture of her, or describe her. You’ll see none of that here.

    And other than the little cheap shot at the end, it wasn’t really making fun of her. It was more me telling a shocking story from my perspective.


  7. Don’t worry, dude. Some people have horrible, horrible senses of humor.

    Oh, that poooor woman, she pooped herself, maybe she died that night, did you ever think of that? Maybe that was the first sign of Ebola, you heartless bastard!

    Get over it, people, it’s a joke.

    If laughing at people who crap their pants is wrong, I don’t ever, ever want to be right.

    And just so you know, I have had bouts of IBS, and I STILL think this is funny.

    Suck it, America.


  8. What happened to the boyfriend? Where was he when you took the photo of her deposit? Did this guy run off to get her another pair of shorts or did he go in the bathroom with her? And did you just leave after you took the photo? You know one day you may crap your pants in public, would you want someone to photograph you in that condition? I don’t think so.


  9. @Felicia

    The boyfriend walked away as soon as she went in the bathroom. They must have been with a group because her sister came over to “assist” her when the door reopened.

    If you looked at the video, you would see that the victim is not shown.

    After they cleared out, I used the bathroom.

    Would I want to have myself photographed in that condition? NO. That’s why I didnt photograph her. Way to pay attention.

    Love when people spout off without knowing what they are talking about.


  10. SUBWAYBlogger, I saw your video, I saw the crap, I pay attention always and see you left out details. Tell the whole story next time. There was no spouting, what a word to use. I know what I’m talking about. This is not a big deal, it happens, people have accidents, no facilities available sometimes. This is just something you’re seeing for the first time. Have a great day.


  11. What happened to her boy friend? did he stick around to see the out come? (no pun intended)

    Poor girl. you know she had to have died of humiliation. Hope there weren’t too may people around to see what happened.


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