I’ve got some stuff to get off my chest, and that stuff is Annoying Subway People! Let’s go by categories:
1. Zig-Zaggers. These are the people who can’t walk a straight line tosave their life. They weave back and forth and eventually make it to where they’re going. Is it indecision? Is it lack of knowledge? Are they just completely unaware that there are hundreds of other people around them who might be in a hurry? In the world of Subway transfers this should be a death-penalty offense. If you don’t know where you’re going, move the hell out of the way. If you do know where you’re going, but it’s impossible for you to walk correctly, lay off the alcohol. If you’re not drunk, stay home. Apparently you’re too damn retarded to live and work with the rest of us. We don’t want you around. You know whom you should take with you? The…
2. Doddlers. Definition: People whom doddle around at a pace that most would consider a weak crawl. Again, if you’re completely lost, move aside and figure out where you’re going. Don’t do the half step, stop, half step and stop again. Basically, be aware of people around you. There are variations of this. If you’re handicapped I understand. It’s not your fault. I’ll gladly hang behind you while you give it your all. Your day isn’t easy and I can respect that you’re still working at it. But let me make this very clear: Being fat does not mean you’re handicapped. There’s probably a reason that you’re too damn big to move at a normal NYC pace (read: fast). Stop being lazy and pick up the pace! If you’re unable, then move and wait for the rest of us to pass. Seriously.
And if you are a Zig-Zagging Doddler, be prepared to get kicked in the back of the knee.
3. Fingers in Ear People. I get it, the trains can be loud. Your precious ears can’t take it. The Post told us that we’re all going to go deaf from the train noise. This doesn’t give you permission to slow down to a creep and stick your fingers in your ears. People doing this on the stairs drive me bonkers. If you really have to plug your ears, can you practice at home to do it while walking fast? Are you that uncoordinated?
Zig-Zagging Fingers in the Ears Doddlers? I hope you fall down the steps and poke out your ear-drums.
4. People Who Don’t Bathe. Honestly, do I need to explain how much fun it is to stand next to an old person who has his or her armpit in your face and broadcasts the reeking odor of someone who hasn’t seen a shower since the early 90’s? I’m speaking specifically of those who are clearly not homeless. I don’t rip on the homeless unless they’re obnoxious. I’m
talking about those who choose to smell.
People Who Don’t Bathe are almost always Doddlers. But they typically don’t move fast enough to qualify as Zig-Zaggers. Thank God, I don’t think I could handle the triple threat.
5. Door-Holders: There’s a special place in hell reserved for these people. I don’t know if there’s any other time in life where one A-hole can inconvenience hundreds of people. Consider it equal to using a fire truck to block an entire highway during rush hour. Unless there is an emergency, and there’d better damn well be a really big emergency, there is absolutely no reason that you can’t wait for the next train. And if you’re holding it for friends, well, I hate you. Seriously. If I owned a Taser you’d feel it in the small of your back. Don’t think anyone on that train would be a witness against me.
And finally…
6. Candy Selling Kids. I can’t really hate them, but they do annoy me. “For my basketball team”? Please. First off, when the hell do you practice? I see you almost daily selling candy! “Stay off the streets…” Being under the streets isn’t much better. “The only candy I have left is…” It’s always M&M Peanut! Always! Add in some Starbursts and Sour Patch Watermelon and you’ve got their daily stash! But for as annoying as these kids are, the people who I truly, honest to God, hate with a passion are their parents. Who pimps out their F-ing kids? That is so wrong.
And that’s it! For now… There are still plenty of people who piss me off on a daily basis.
P.S. Where the heck do the Candy Selling Kids get all those M&M Peanuts?
SUBWAYblogger 
You forgot my favorite: The Stoppers. At the top of any set of stairs they stop. Why? To light a cigarette. To immediately start a phone call. To adjust their hat or scarf. It isn’t what they are doing that matters it is that they stop right at the top of the stairs and block anyone who was coming up behind them. Move. Move! MOVE! You can do all of that stuff 3 feet to your right and get the hell out of my way.
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YES! I did forget them! My favorites are the ones that exit the 4/5/6 at 86th ST during rush-hour. There’s construction on that corner, so if everyone doesn’t keep moving it gets blocked up realy quick. Never fails though, someone always stops to dig for that perfect copy of AM New York…
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Personally speaking I don’t like my flow of walking to be interrupted. However I will say that I think many people in the subway system are in too much of a hurry.
The ridiculous pace many want to keep as if any extra seconds will kill them is ridiculous. They don’t factor in that they are a safety risk to not only themselves but people around them.
The world won’t end if you are delayed by a few seconds. Stop rushing & getting angry because some are not obsessed with mostly petty seconds that mean nothing. The transfer issue during rush hour is beyond overrated as the next train is not usually far behind. You’ll live……..
However for those who keep a sensible pace, I can understand how annoying your examples can be! I think you forgot one of the worst subway offenders.
The idiots who feel the need to walk up or down the wrong flight of stairs. It is amazing more people don’t get hurt due to such stupidity. Once again this is where the obsessed with petty seconds comes into play.
Instead of waiting behind the people in front of them who are walking down the stairs at a good pace, they have to show impatience. So here they go cutting over to the wrong side & interrupting the flow of people walking the opposite direction. The kicker is the attitude they give when they might get bumped or get a dirty look. Well they should have used common sense before they acted.
The best feeling is seeing the people they tried to beat down the stairs beat them to the finish. Idiots!
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Right on Cully, that is what I was thinking while I was reading this. Stoppers are a serious menace. They are bad enough out of the sidewalks, where you can at least (usually) step around them when they stop in the middle of a throughfare, but the ones in the subway take the cake. I understand if someone needs to finish their phone call before going underground or whatever, but for christsakes they don’t have to do it while blocking the stairs. I can even understand having to dig through a bottomless bag for the errant metrocard or whatever, but godDAMN! Step to the side! Get out of the way! Especially in the places where access is restricted, and there are no other means of egress. Like South Ferry. People who block the stairs there should be drawn and quartered. I especially love the people with eighty big bags chained together dragging behind them. And their four friends. When they aren’t sure where they going. That is just great. GET IN A SINGLE FILE LINE AGAINST THE WALL, MUTHA… Er. Sorry, getting a bit carried away. But really, put them up against the wall already.
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i am cracking the hell up. you guys are hilarious.
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Here Here!!! Now if can just post these on the subway and hand out violations to offenders. I must admit that I’ve been guilty of a few of these myself (though I won’t admit which!) Ha!
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Thanks for all the comments. I didn’t plan on it, but after riding the Subway in today I thought of a few more. Stay tuned!
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[…] Wednesday March 14th, I posted my list of Annoying Subway people. I got a lot of fun responses to the list, so I planned on doing a follow-up. But then I thought […]
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[…] Blogger puts it best in these two lists of the most annoying kinds of people in the NYC subway system. I couldn’t agree […]
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You know, I can’t stand the ones that want to be the first ones out of the train then when they get to the staircase they ARE SLOW AS HELL!!! If you want to rush out like a maniac to get to the staircase, KEEP UP THE PACE OR MOVE OVER!!!
OH the guys sit with their knees WAAAY apart…RELAX IM SURE ITS NOT THAT BIG.
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Those were funny, but I must tell you guys, the most hatefull of all are..well…the fast pased people. Yep, the ones always in hurry are the worst of all.
They are always so inconsiderate! They speed walk, push others without saying sorry, let out a loud “ugh” if anyone is infront of them (even if it’s someone who dropped something or has a strawler…etc, they don’t help, they just “ugh” and complain…), they always try to be the first (first to leave, first down the stairs) no matter what, etc. I mean, yes, if you’re in a hurry and if your train is there and you don’t wanna miss it, I get it (still, you should say sorry if you elbow someone in the ribs, damnit). But if it’s not, then what fucking difference does it even make if you’re first or not? You’re gonna wait with everyone, anyway.
But, actually, these people make me sad, because they don’t take the time to enjoy things, they don’t have much pleasure in their life, because they’re always running somewhere. And they are ruuude. I’m still 16, so I seriously hope with all my heart that I won’t become like them. Life is too short for this.
But good article, made me giggle. And Kismet, haha…the guys who sit with their legs apart…funny!!
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People who rush are not rushing for the fun of it! They do this because some jerk held them up with not even an ounce of consideration. Let me just stand at the entrance to the stairs down, not move, not say anything, and then hold everyone up who now have to take drastic measures to catch that train thats just about to leave.
they need to invent a slow lane and a passing lane in the subways and sidewalks, that way people who want to take 3 hours to get from west 4th to west 86th can while the rest of us can do it in under 20 minutes
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My personal pet peeve is those that move into the train car and remain by the door, as if oblivious to the dozens of people also trying to come inside the train behind them. Either find a seat and sit down or stay away from the effing door! Jeez!
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YES this morning a woman had a baby stroller placed right in front of the car door. Nevermind that its rush hour and its a major transfer point.
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Harassed by Hostile Musicians:
I was heading to Manhattan on the #2 train from the Bronx. A man entered at 145th St. with 4 male children all under 10 years old carrying tambourines. They began singing “Money Can’t Buy Me Love” by the Beatles at ear piercing volume while banging on their tambourines. After a painful rendition, the man began demanding money in a belligerent way. He singled me out as the ‘white man’ who didn’t give any money, doesn’t care about the welfare of the kids and, “if he says anything, I’m gonna punch him out”. Several people came to my aid, telling him to get lost. He then took off his backpack and threatened to fight them. He eventually left the car when the train arrived at another stop.
Has anyone seen this guy? A fellow passenger told me he’s seen this guy before doing exactly the same thing – singling out some ‘white guy’ to harass and threaten.
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omg obviously he doesn’t care much about the welfare of kids having them as trained monkeys.
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ive bumped into that man aswell… he changes the songs around and the children look horribly sad…sometimes their singing is rather entertaining, until the father starts talking. the songs always share a common theme(being put down, money(pretty mcuh the works) ive been breaking my head trying to figure out the last song he sang( i wanted to download it for i havent heard it in a bit) where is that guy when you need em’…
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ive bumped into that man aswell… he changes the songs around and the children look horribly sad…sometimes their singing is rather entertaining, until the father starts talking. the songs always share a common theme(being put down, money(pretty mcuh the works) ive been breaking my head trying to figure out the last song he sang( i wanted to download it for i havent heard it in a bit) where is that guy when you need em’… grrr
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Sick passenger today on the train. Can I ask, has anyone ever SEEN an actual sick passenger? I hear about them, but never SAW one in the physical form.
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[…] created the Annoying Subway People lists a few months back. I published Part 1 and Part 2 in quick succession and got a great response from both. I was totally stoked and planned […]
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