The International Platform

September 8, 2006 subwaybloggerLeave a comment

There is a youth hostel a few blocks from where I live, and we share the same subway stop. So every now and again, you’ll run into a group of international tourists on the platform. The funky style and NYC tourism books usually give them away.

This morning, there are dozens of internationals on the platform. Today was one of those crowed mornings that makes you want to punch things. On top of that, however, there were all of these foreign students. Many seemed to be Austrailian, and there were a bunch of Germans too.

The Aussies were easy to pick out because they all wear black since the death of The Croc Hunter. (Kidding)

I live in a nice neighborhood on the UWS. Personally, I love the area. However, it is NOT a tourist destination. (That’s part of the reason I like it so much). So it always suprises me to see this many tourists up here. What on earth are you up here to see?

I guess since the hostel is like $12 a night, it is attractive. Although, the tourists must be pissed when they get there. American hostels are trash compared to the European hostels.

Otherwise, the rest of them must have gotten on the wrong train or something and ended up here. We have some nice bagel shops, but otherwise that’s it.

So everybody, get back on a downtown train and pay attention for 42nd Street…you know that’s where you meant to get off.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Yankees Bonus (make up) Post

August 30, 2006 subwayblogger3 Comments

Sorry to everyone who was expecting the usual afternoon post. I left work 30 minutes early and headed to the Bronx to catch the tonight’s game. On the way up here I rode by car with a buddy from work, hence no Live update this afternoon.

I just left the stadium after the end of the 8th. Hey, I gotta work in the morning! The Yanks were up 3 to 2 when I left headed into the 9th.
I really hope the D train gets here quick because apparently I wasn’t the only one who had the bright idea to run out early. The platform is packed right now.

That must suck to be on the train before it gets to Yankee Stadium after a game. You’re just riding the train, minding your own business with a couple other people on board. Then you get to 161st Street and WHAM. Flooded with obnoxious Yankee fans. Packed to the gills. Personally, I’d be pissed. Especially because of the “subway know it alls.” I wrote about them a few weeks ago.

I am sitting next to a mother with three boys all under the age of 12. Apparently, they asked Santa Claus for tickets to a game on their birthday. So mom schelpped them up here for the game. I would sooner shoot myself the take three kids on a plane only to then bring them to Yankee Stadium. Unfortunately for her, today turned out to be a double header after yesterday’s rainout. So, she took them to both games.

Well, just got off at 125th to catch the local transfer. I wish the local ran at all times from the stadium. Even though its local, I still get to my stop a lot faster.

Of course, who the hell knows when the C train will get here.

Is it me or does everyone above 110th Street always look pissed? There doesn’t look like there is ever a single happy looking person up here. Then again, I’d be pretty pissed if I lived in the middle of Harlem too. But maybe that’s because I am very white.

Finally the C train is here. That’s enough for now. All the beers I drank at the stadium are making it hard to type! Talk to you in the AM.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Mmmm Times Square on a Saturday Night

August 26, 2006 subwayblogger1 Comment

Talk about the party thay never ends. Or should I say, the freak show that never ends. I was dragged to Chevy’s in Times Square for dinner. Normally, I don’t enjoy a chain restaurant in the city. There are just so many other good places. But, I figured what the hell, I hadn’t been to TS in a while.

Well, the subway in TS is usually crazy enough on a weekday. On the weekends, especially weekend nights, it is a complete hell hole. Wall-to-wall tourists and homeless people out to panhandle. The tourists have no ideah where they are going. They just wander.

Folks from out of town, I understand that NYC can be a bit much for you to handle…especially if you have never been here. However, this is the most important tip I could ever give you. Ready?

WALK. Don’t stop. Just keep f*cking WALKING.

Walking behind Bertha’s fat ass while trying to catch a train makes we want to scream. One foot in front of the other lady.

That’s it. Move.

Also, New Yorkers will stop to help you with directions. Just get out of the damn way first! We have trains to catch too.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Leaving work late on a Friday: NOT Priceless

August 25, 2006 subwaybloggerLeave a comment

Few things suck more than getting stuck at work late. One of those I getting stuck at work late on a FRIDAY. Really, you look forward to that feeling of freedom as you hit the doors at 5:05PM. The only upside is that the subway is pretty empty right now. I even got a seat.

It is a litte after 7pm right now and I think I am sitting across from some out of town girls. They seem really dressed up for this early on a Friday. That’s usually a giveaway. People from out of town don’t realize that the bars/clubs don’t heat up untill 11 or midnight. Even the good restaurants don’t start really jumping until after 8.

On that note I just confirmed it. I just asked if they are from out of town. YUP. Just the fact that they acknowledged my voice shows that they aren’t from the city!

Meeting friends at a bar they say. Do NYC bars even open at 7:30? Don’t think so, but I didn’t want to break their hearts. These chicks are in for a night they won’t forget (they’re headed for The Village).

Have a good weekend. SUBWAYblogger out!

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Y’all ain’t from around here, huh

August 23, 2006 subwaybloggerLeave a comment

Ahh yes, it is that time of year again. I am refering to “back to school” time. In this case, I don’t mean lunch boxes and yellow buses. Instead I mean booze and frat parties. It is officially the time that the city’s college students return to campus. Right now, it is just the early arrivals, but already I notice an increase in the number of dorky parents around.

They are sooo easy to spot. First of all, mom and dad stick out like sore thumbs. Then factor in that they walk aound with the city map in front of them at all times, so you can’t miss them. The final confirmation is that they usually have the younger sibiling in tow. Those little suckers can be identified by the utter misery on their faces because they still haven’t been able to ride the ferris wheel in Toys-R-Us as promised. Plus, if they just entered that awkward tween period, they are probably horrified to be seen with the dork parents.

Soon, the subway system in the campus areas will be flooded with out of town families that have no idea where they are going. I am usually nice to them and help them figure out where they are going.

Then again, there’s always the temptation to have a little fun. 🙂 Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Subway Tourist Family

August 12, 2006 subwayblogger2 Comments

It’s always interesting to watch the “tourist subway family.” My fellow New Yorkers, I am sure you’ve seen them. Its that family of 4 that gets on the subway, and right way you think to yourself, “Oh man…I hope one of them isn’t holding on when the operator hits the brakes.”

So mom, dad, son, and daughter get on board in a hurry. The kids are totally excited to be on board. Mom looks like she needs a drink. Dad is already shuffling through his black fanny pack to find his subway map.

Somehow, its always the kids that know the program best. As soon as they get in, they grab onto a rail. Mom and dad? No way. They stand there completely oblivious to the fact that the vehicle they just boarded is about to lurch forward. Meanwhile you are sitting there praying that it is a jerky start.

Doors close, and here we go. Mom immediately loses her balance and stumbles back. Of course, dad thinks he’s a bad ass because he is already in the “surf boarder” position, ready for any movement. The kids giggle as goofy mom regains her balance.

Now come the wildcard events that make every encounter with the subway tourist family a little unique. Enter toothless, homeless guy. Here comes your regular subway homeless guy looking for a handout. My favorite are the ones who stop and try to talk to the little kids on the train. The sheer look of horror on the parent’s face is priceless!

Anyway, subway tourist dad freezes in the moment of truth, but you know in his head he wishes he had the courage to dig though his fanny pack for his mini can of mace.

Then there’s mom. Quickly trying to reteach her brat children that it is impolite to stare. But of course, mom yelling, “It isn’t nice to stare” doesn’t really hit the level of subtleness the rule is designed to achieve.

Occasionally, subway tourist family will consist of a couple preteens. In this case, it is by far the most exciting when it is rush hour. As New Yorkers, we hardly blink an eye when you find you face 3 inches from the blown out weave of the woman in front of you. Being packed like sardines in a train car is hardly cause for concern. But not for the subway tourist family…with teens. Almost instantly, you can see that this incident is causing years of emotional scaring as the teens huddle together to avoid touching smelly construction worker guy. Simply priceless.

But back to typical subway tourist family. By now, we are approaching the first stop of their little subway excursion. As a regular rider of this line, you naturally anticipate the next stop and know when the driver is about to hit the brakes. But not subway tourist family [insert evil laugh]. 3….2….1….BRAKES. Subway tourist family slams into the other passengers on the train.

Out of frustration, subway tourist mom yells at subway tourist kids for hitting the people next to them. As if it was their fault in the first place. In reality, her “top heavy” physique is the culprit. We all know that subway tourist mom should have stuck to the salad bar at the Times Square Olive Garden…instead of eating a while basket of fried calamari by herself. But that’s neither here nor there.

By now the subway car is moderately crowded, with little room left to roam around. That does not deter subway tourist dad (aka Map Nazi). He now begins to wrangle his family into the doorway approximately 12 stops ahead of time. For some unknown reason, subway tourist dad thinks the train is simply going to slow down and open the doors. So the family may need to tuck and roll. Just in case, he has his family prepared for the jump.

We’ve now reached their stop, and the doors open. Out they run. Till next time Subway Tourist Family!

Keep an eye out. You’ll see them. Sit back and enjoy the mayhem. It certainly makes that morning commute fly by.