So a fat woman and a gay guy walk into a bar. (Just kidding)
Instead, a skinny gay guy sits down next to a biiiiiiig hunk of woman on the subway. She’s easily a seat-and-a-halfer. Her thighs are just spilling over into the seat next to her.
She was all the way at the end of the row, so her other side was oozing out under the bar into the doorway. I’m not even kidding when I say that people had to be careful walking through the door on that side. One guy’s leg rubbed up against her and scared the crap out of him. It startled him as he got off the train.
Anyway, big momma is reading the paper. The New York Times I believe, surprisingly not the Food section.
So skinny gay guy is just minding his own business. He’s a little squished in his seat, but doesn’t seem to mind. He’s reading a book and listening to an iPod.
Then, big momma goes to turn the page. She nearly smacks him in the face. She’s so round, she can hardly get her hands around in front of her. The bottom of the paper keeps getting hung up on her breasts as she tries to fold the page back. So with each page turn, she’s flapping her flippers arms out and getting all in the gay guy’s business.
To his credit, he didn’t say anything the first two times she did it. He just made a face and rolled his eyes. People around us were smiling, trying not to laugh because she made a big deal about every turn of the page.
On the third turn, she bumped his book. The pages of her newspaper were covering his book as she was turning the page.
Finally, he had enough.
He turns to her and says, “Excuse me.”
She looks at him (hardly able to turn her head) and says, “Yes?”
“You keep hitting me every time you turn the page.”
“Well I’m sorry, what do you want me to do? This is a crowded train.”
I lean forward a little because I know it is about to get nasty.
“Oh no. You see, the problem is you’re behind is too big to sit and turn the pages without disturbing people. So you should just take both seats.”
With that, he stands up and does a runway model walk down to the other side of the train car amid a small roar of laughter.
(The photo above is not of the actual person described here. It’s just here for illustration purposes.)
13 thoughts on “Fat Woman Hissy Fit”
Oh my, and I thought fatness was only a problem on the subway here in Chicago!
you go, girlfriend! (snaps her fingers in the air for the gay guy)
Classic! I had the same experience (substitute man for woman, train for plain) and oddly I kind of liked it. I mean, really, I was open to him putting his arm behind my back or neck for comfort.
It takes all kinds. Me, I would have actually been man enough to enjoy it. After the third facial with the paper I would have had to lean over and say Miss, I’m going to have to start chargin you it you keep touching me like that. –
ha! it probably would have taken me a couple more pages to come up with something half that funny to say instead of just storming off in a huff.
That is fantastic! I want to buy that guy a beer.
I guess I am the only one who has a modicum of compassion for fat people. Gays are disenfranchised and it is unfair and ridiculous but being fat is one of the last places that people in general can be politically incorrect and be congratulated for doing so! Yes, I am a fat person. When I see the seat is between two people – I stand on my fat little legs until I can get a seat. When I sit next to a person I try to take the aisle so half my ass is on the aisle so as not to touch the person next to me. You don’t catch being fat-it isn’t the flu but fat people are vigorously hated. I think you should have told this woman that she was obstructing your view and being inconsiderate but that might have taken a little thinking on your part. But what the hell. You’re a star!
Pork Bun, I love your comment!
Wow…that’s, um. Kinda harsh?
@Pork Bun: Mmmm. Issues.
@Todd: Or any pink mixed drink.
@elvie: Compassion? Just because people are fat doesn’t mean regular sized people have to deal with this shit. More people should be doing what you do.
@Emprice-Sario: Oh suck it up EP. You’re not new here.
The fact that america is supposed to be “free”, she has the right be as overweight as she’d like, yeah maybe when it comes to inconveniencing other people its a different story. But it’s people like you, who are degrading and stereotyping a person by the size that is half the problem in america. no matter what you are, there is someone out there who is hating on you for what you are. you wake up every day thinking your gods gift to the world. but when you die, your going to be just as dead as the rest of us. you will probably be ignorant and call me something like an idiot or shug it off like it that it doesn’t matter, but thinking your little angst bullsh*t story is cute or funny isn’t convincing enough for me.
enjoy your life, hopefully you’ll get better at it.
I had to come back a second time, and say I really hate you.
Anjoel, that’s a pretty ridiculous comment… Sure, she has the right to be as fat as she likes, and nobody’s accusing her of fatness – but she was just plain RUDE to the guy, who put her back in her place (though he did go over the top)