New subway rules not money in the bank

seats.jpgThe MTA had predicted that the new subway rules started this year would result in a much higher rate of summons issued. As a matter of fact, when the new rules were implemented, many straphangers were pissed! The expected that the MTA Police would be handing out fines left and right.

Well, the complete opposite occurred. Overall, the summons rates are lower in just about all categories. Overall, the rates are lower year to date.

Strangely, tickets for “unauthorized animals” hit a high note. What the hell is that? And riding between cars, but SUBWAYblogger thinks that has mostly to do with the new rules that prohibit walking between cars when the train is moving.

Too cool

Some people think they are hot sh*t when they really aren’t. The ones that make SUBWAYblogger shake its head most are the trashy ghetto dressers. They just look like idiots, and they have the attitude to match.

There are plenty of ghetto fab people, and they really pull it off. They look good. Then, there’s ghetto trashy.

I bring it up because you are most likely to see them on a subway platform somewhere. They usually have brand new Timberlands on, but the rest of them looks like complete hell. Most obvious is their overall greasy appearance.

But then they have the BIGGEST attitudes. There the two of you are, standing waiting for the train while they complain about how crowded it is…as if they deserve their own train car.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Happy parents

There’s an unusually high number of miserable fathers in the subway system lately. They are clearly identified by the large new toys they are schlepping home for their kids.

The flaw of most fathers is that they themselves are just big kids. So when they get inside Toys R Us, they can’t help themselves. They buy the biggest crap in the store.

Then they end up on the sidewalk outside the store sayng, “Crap, now how do I get this home?”

So there they are, walking down the subway platform with a Huffy rolling next to them, and a Fisher Price Jungle gym under the other arm.

One dad I saw had a Barbie playhouse in a box the size of loft apartment. They walk around with the “Damn kids” look in their eye.

No subway for you and your gifts next year pops. Next year, order them online and have them shipped to your door!

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

14 More Shopping Days

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The clock’s ticking, and SUBWAYblogger has zero shopping done. There was an attempt made this weekend, but the crowds were a bit insane.

The MTA should just put extra staff on all the train platforms in midtown. All of the insanity you see on the weekends inside the subway system consists mostly of people who have no idea where they are going. All we need is more MTA or official looking people to direct the tourists where they need to go.

The biggest problem is that people don’t know Uptown from Downtown. They hardly know where they are this very moment, so they have no idea about which direction they need.

Example. I was at the 34th Street/Penn Station subway platform this weekend. A group of women asked me which train to take to get them to Macy’s. No, I’m not kidding.

I first looked at them like I was brain dead because for a moment my head had a short circuit. I couldn’t process what they were asking. Then it hit me that they really didn’t know where they were, and that it wasn’t a trick question.

I said, “Uhh, you’re already here.” They were equally confused with my answer as I was with the question.

“Yeah, just go upstairs. Macy’s is right outside. There is no other train.” They actually paid $2 each to get in the subway, and they were already there.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Gridlock and Earlier Incidents

It is a gridlock alert day, and without fail, there are problems in the subway. The 1, 2, 3 line is running all local in some areas because of an “earlier incident.”. Some riders on these lines have reported to SUBWAYblogger that it is taking forever for the trains to come heading downtown.

So goodluck getting home. Just remember…at least it’s Friday.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Gridlock Alert Days

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Today is a Gridlock Alert Day. 😦 What does that have to do with the subway? Everything.

For example, all over radio and television, reporters are saying, “You’re better off taking mass transit today.” In other words, run for the subways. Unfortunately, in the case of a Gridlock Alert Day, busses don’t count as mass transit. Technically they are mass transit, but you are not going to get anywhere quick on a bus today. You are going to be stuck in traffic just like people in cars.

That leaves the subways and trains. Add in the fact that today’s winds have caused hours of delays at the airports and you’ve got a sh*t storm cocktail.

If you can leave your office 20 minutes early, today is the day to do it.

Here are this year’s Gridlock Alert Days:

Friday, December 8th, 2006
Thursday, December 14th, 2006
Friday, December 15th, 2006
Wednesday, December 20th, 2006
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
Friday, December 22nd, 2006

My MetroCard is Frozen

That’s how cold it is. Ok, I lied. My MetroCard didn’t freeze, but I bet it could!

Everyone on the train or platform is either pissed or in shock at how cold it is. In reality, it is like this all winter. It just takes a couple weeks to adjust.

Anyway, people just look flustered. Everyone’s noses are bright red. People are walking insanely slow on the stairs because they have 14 layers on. That’s 14 layers on top of the large mass many of them carry around (aka their ass) every day.

As a matter of fact, I think people just stayed home today. The subway is pretty empty this morning. Is there another Jewish holiday that I am missing? Probably.

As a non-Jew, you don’t really notice how many Jewish people live in the city until a Jewish holiday rolls around. All of a sudden, you get to the subway in the morning, and it is only you and 3 other people waiting for the train. You immediately count the days and think, “Wait, is today Saturday?”

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

There is a downtown train approaching

SUBWAYblogger hates those words. “Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a downtown train approaching…a stop no where near where you are.”

It has been a rough morning so far. It’s almost sickening when you come around the corner and see that there isn’t even standing room on the platform. You know right then, it is going to be ugly.

Today, especially ugly for SUBWAYblogger because there is a train to catch at Grand Central Terminal. Our adventures today take us to the Harlem line of Metro North. Unfortunately, it all depends on the subway gods allowing quick passage to the outbound train at GCT.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

May I please discipline your child

When is it appropriate for me, a complete stranger, to yell at your kid for being obnoxious?

Answer…when ever you clearly are not going to take care of it yourself.

For example, tell your kid to hold the damn rail so he stops falling on my feet. I know he thinks is is soooo funny, but how funny will it be if I send you the bill for my damaged leather shoes?

“Hunnie, hold on please,” didn’t work the first 10 times you ASKED him. So why do you think attempt number 11 will work?

How bout we change tactics to, “If you fall on that man one more time, it will be the last time you stand up for a week!”

Maybe that will get the point across a little more clearly.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Annoying newspaper guy

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Did you ever find youself stuck next to “annoying newspaper guy” on the subway? There you are, packed into a train with hardly enough room to breathe as it is. Then newspaper guy whips out his Wall Street Journal and thinks he deserves double the room.

His elbows fly out like wings. Every time he turns the page, he hits other passengers with the paper. Then someone steps in a little to close and he gets pissed.

Some of these guys just stick the paper inches from your face. I’m standing here reading emails on my Blackberry. I have the thing pulled all the way into my chest so as to not take up space but still make it readable. All of a sudden, his paper is under my chin! I am looking straight down at my belt buckle but can’t see it because his newspaper is pressed into me. So of course, it is blocking my screen.

Ok, so I lift my Blackberry up and over the top of his newpaper so I can see the screen. I kid you not, “Excuse me…I can’t see,” he says to me!

I look at him like he is an idiota, and turn my body 45 degrees so my shoulder crunches his paper up. “How’s that? Better?”

He huffed and folded up his paper.

The people that crack me up too are the ones that do something like that with AM New York or Metro. “Excuse me while I catch up on my financials and policitcal news with my AMNY.” If you are going to be an snob with your newspaper, at least do it with a New York Times or WSJ.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…