Author: subwayblogger

Danger!

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I was out and about town on business today, and I found myself heading for the Columbus Circle station. Just as I arrived, so did 5 FDNY trucks.

Only about half of the trucks actually had their fire fighters get out. That’s usually a sign that there’s nothing major going on.

I followed right behind a crew of guys as they headed down the stairs. They didn’t seem to be in a hurry or care that I was right behind them.

The firemen gathered at the bottom of the stairs and I walked by. False alarm I figured.

Well, from the platform, I can now see that they are moving around. They have their little gas detector machines out. A couple are taking readings at the bottom of the stairs. A couple others are walking around the turnstiles.

This makes me feel real safe. They are looking for some sort of gas obviously, yet people are allowed to just stroll right by them.

Don’t worry folks. Just looking for potentially deadly gasses. Nothing to be alarmed by. Ohh, yeah, other than the airborn cancer. Other than that, you’ll be fine.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Goodbye Daylight

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It is no wonder suicide rates spike during the winter months. The darkness can get a little depressing.

You go into the subway in the morning, and it’s dark. You come out of the subway at your destination…still dark. Leave work at the end of the day, aaaaand it’s dark again. Hopefully you have a window in your office otherwise you may never see the light of day until the weekend.

I was reminded of this as I made my short walk to the subway this morning. The darkness is approaching quickly. I guess it doesn’t help things that our commute runs underground…more dark.

AAAaaaaahhhh!

THIS JUST IN

I’m standing behind the kid with the long hair again! Shoot me in the face. How is my luck this bad?

Ok, I could not make this up if I tried…here we go. He’s in highschool so he’s probably 17 or 18. Again, with the Hanson Band long hair. Stone washed jeans. A turtle neck ZIP UP sweater (zipped 3/4 of the way up). Two light blue rubber bracelets. The gay chrome dog tags. And a silver coffee mug.

Do kids not get beat up for being lame anymore? It would be one thing if he just stood there in his oddness. Instead, he has this princess attitude whenever someone comes near him. WOW.

Here’s my stop.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

No AC in two cars?

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Talk about bad luck. I just got into a subway car and there was no air conditioning. With cat like speed I darted out an got into the next car. No air in their either!

A train car without air conditioning is like walking into hot death. I don’t know how people managed to ride the subway in the pre-AC days. I would sooner kill myself.

Anyway, I am now in the process of playing train car leap frog. The cars are too crowded to use the end doors between trains. So at each stop I am having to run down the platform as far as I can and then jump back on.

Almost there. Next stop I should be able to make it into a new car. Hopefully is isn’t the whole train that is without AC.

Safe. Ok, sweet sweet coolness at last.

Oh wait. Damn it. Here’s my stop.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

An articulate announcer

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I can’t believe what my ears are hearing…an understandable door operator on the subway car PA system!

She’s not only understandable, but very professional sounding. It is as if she should be doing professional voiceovers.

Also, she seems to have actual useful information! I know, I am as shocked as you are.

Instead of just saying “there’s another train directly behind this one, so if you can’t fit, please wait” she adds the location of that alleged train. She says the train behind us has just departed the [insert street] station and is headed for this stop. Now that makes sense. The great part is that people actually got off and waited.

How come this logic hasn’t caught on? The MTA Vice President of Meaningless Announcements should be fired, and she should take his job. We would all be better informed.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Do you like it in the front or in the back?

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SUBWAYblogger has observed that there are two types of subway riders:
People who wait at the edge of the platform and people that stand against the wall.

We’ve all seen them. There’s the people that always need to stand on the bright yellow part of the platform…right at the edge. They are always looking down the tracks to see if the train is coming as if they could get it here faster with their mind powers.

Then there’s the people that always stand to the back or lean against the wall because I like to casually read the Times while I sweat my ass off too.

We could even get into the people that always stand near the front of the train versus those that always go to the back.

What does this say about a rider? SUBWAYblogger’s completely accurate yet shockingly unscientific reseach shows that people on the front edge of the platform are always high strung individuals. They are the ones that always walk in 5 minutes after the board meeting has begun. This is why they are always looking down the tracks in a panic.

The back of the platform people are either hippies who could give a crap if they are on time OR they are the CEO running that board meeting. He/she could care less. If they get to the meeting on time because who’s gonna argue?

Front or back of the train? You be the judge.

SUBWAYblogger is a front edge / front car rider. (Assume what you will) 🙂

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Dude, cut your hair

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Someone should let teenage guys with long hair know that they look gay. If they are gay, then I guess everything is cool. Otherwise, get your ass to SuperCuts.

If your hair covers your ears, you are the ones I am talking about. Take a look at some old Hanson videos. Do those fellas look cool? Uhhh NO. Slap some boobs on one of them and you’ve got a fairly decent looking chick.

As for the kid in front of me right now, if you flip your ratty hair in my face one more time, I may have to beat you. Everyone around us right now doesn’t believe that you are “with” that chick you are talking to.

Holy crap, you are wearing dog tags. Not even authentic looking ones either. Small crome ones. Yeah, you need your ass kicking quota bumped up. It is time for an intervention. Plus, we need to get those red Converse sneakers back to their rightful owner…in the late 80s.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Mailbag – Meeting women on the subway

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From a SUBWAYblogger reader: 

I just found your site and I’m psyched.  I’ve done a search and can’t find a post on this, but I’ve had, for years, a burning question about the subway. I’ve asked everyone I know ­ guys and girls ­ and no one has come up with anything resembling a workable  answer.

Question:  How can you approach and meet a cute girl on the subway during the morning or evening without getting maced or arrested or having your picture taken with a cell phone and it ending up in the NYPost?  Obviously, you could just walk up and say hi.  But that¹s likely to freak out anyone.  The trick is to get past the “I hate everyone in this car” attitude.

It’s mostly academic by this point.  I feel it’s not actually possible but it’s a large universe with infinite possibilities, so there should be something.  It’s also fun just to hear what kind of answers people can come up with.

A related question is how do you approach and meet a cute girl jogging in Central Park?  This one I actually got a semi-workable answer: jog along near her and purposely trip/stumble and in the process knock her down. Obviously that’s probably some sort of crime and, more importantly, you have to make REAL sure she doesn’t get hurt.  But it does afford the opportunity to chat.

 – damien.

Hey dude, thanks for the email.  First off, we don’t do Central Park.  It’s not our thing.  Sorry bud.

As for talking to girls in the subway, always look for the out-of-towners.  They are the most likely to talk to you.  Especially if it seems like they lost or confused about where they are going.  From there, you can help them out and tell them where they can “find a good time.”  Regular New Yorker chicks are going to get you put on the sex offender’s list.

SUBWAYblogger has a strict “don’t give up the seat” policy.  However, for an attactive little dish, the rules can be broken.  This too can serve as a nice ice breaker.  Give up your seat for her and that might be your ticket in.

Lastly, on an over crowded train, always try to keep a little extra space around you.  Don’t let anyone in unless it is a girl you want to talk to.  If you “all of a sudden” can squeeze a little extra space for her to slide into, you’re in!  Not only are you a nice guy, but now you are inside her personal space.  Nice opportunity to make some small talk.

From here, we will leave it open to the SUBWAYblogger readers.  Leave a comment if you have more ideas!  Thanks again for the email.

Freshmen learn the subway

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Now that the colleges are back in full swing, you notice lots of lost students in the system.

During the week, for the most part, they seem to have their act together. They’ve figured out how to get to class via subway, so they don’t often get lost. On Thursday and Friday nights, however, you tend to see them wander.

As soon as the weekend rolls around, they venture out to areas with which they are not as familiar. They are easy to pick out because the freshmen tend to travel in packs. The newer they are, the larger the pack.

The pack is always lead by one person that is the “New Yorker” who knows the way around. I use the term “New Yorker” loosely because it is usually some punk from Greenwich who calls himself a local.

There is a rogue Tuesday pack of coeds in front of me right now exhibiting all the tell-tail signs. Just a little strange to see them out at 6pm on a Tuesday. They probably had to go to a museum for class or something.

All together, they are ok right now since there’s been no boozin’ in the picture. Had this been a Friday night, it would have been reeeeal ugly.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Where the heck did September go?

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The month flew by! It is almost time to get a new MetroCard. It feels like I just got one though.

There’s always something a little depressing about getting a new MetroCard. SUBWAYblogger happens to be a monthly unlimited rider. I feel like it is the best buy since it is used at least twice every day of the week.

After buying it, feels like we are riding for free. The renewal day sucks though. Shelling out $78 at once is a bit of a drag.

Anyway, apparently, SUBWAYblogger isn’t the only one with a list of subway peevs. They caught the attention of a lot of blogs as well as our readers. There were some good comments and additions made after last night’s post.

Well, off to enjoy the cool fall weather.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Peevs

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There’s a bunch of talk in the blog-o-sphere about subway peevs. AKA stuff that other riders do that bugs the crap out of you.

So, seeing as I am in the subway, I thought I would list a few.

1). Super old people. Yes, the elderly have a right to be on the train. However, if you can’t hold up your own head, it is time to take a cab. Or at least take the bus.

2). People who wear earplugs. Did you ever notice these people? “The subway it to loud for my sensitive ears.” Shut up and grow a pair.

3). People that have to stand in the middle. These are the people that get on board and frantically run for the isle. They are willing to climb over people so that they don’t have to stand in the doorway.

4). Strollers. Don’t even get me started on the damn baby strollers.

5). Super shoppers. These are the people that have 8 oversized shopping bags. They just came from the Container Store and they have coffin sized boxes they want to carry on the train.

6). White kids that dress like black kids. You’ll never be as cool or as hardcore as the black kids so just stop it.

7). The British. Not cool British people. Just the ones that bitch about everything. If you want to complain, go back to England. Besides, you have your own subway.

I could continue, but I feel a hate crime coming on.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…