Annoying Subway People (Part 3)

November 2, 2007 subwayblogger25 Comments

I created the Annoying Subway People lists a few months back. I published Part 1 and Part 2 in quick succession and got a great response from both. I was totally stoked and planned on doing many more. I kept track of all the annoying people the trains had to offer and really had a good thing going. But then I accidentally deleted the master list! Nuts.

All my ideas were gone. I desperately tried to remember who was on the list, but it was all for naught. To make matters worse, I found myself either growing more patient with my fellow commuters or being too busy sweating my balls off. I even tried to get frustrated with people on purpose, but everyone was on their best behavior! Nobody so much as looked at me the wrong way! That in itself was frustrating. But then came the wedding…

The planning had been going full force for many months. The stress/anxiety levels were at record levels. I didn’t sleep enough and I had a million things on my mind. Low and behold, my patience level dropped to rock bottom. I’ll be damned if the Annoying Subway People ideas didn’t started flowing again!

So with that long intro out of the way, I present you the long overdue

Annoying Subway People: Part 3 To refresh your memories, so far we’ve covered:1. Zig-Zaggers
2. Doddlers
3. Fingers in Ear People
4. People Who Don’t Bathe
5. Door-Holders
6. Candy Selling Kids
7. Window Scratchers
8. Stoppers/Stair Stoppers
9. Earbud Guy
10. Stop and Go Conductors
11. No Speaka English-ites
12. Mimes
13. Shorties
14. The Leaning SleepersToday we start with Number…

15. Sickies: They’re already out in force now, but just you wait until cooler weather hits. I love boarding a train packed full of sniffling, sneezing, and coughing people. It’s even better when they’re sneezing and coughing directly on me. Screw carrying around Purell for my hands, I’m going to start carrying a can of Lysol to spray on people.

16. Bridge-Talkers: The N train takes anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes to cross the Manhattan Bridge. It’s the only part of my commute that has cell-phone service. Sure enough, every morning some jerk (or seven) pulls out his phone and squeezes in all-that important call. “Hey, what’s going on? Nothing? Me too. Just crossing the bridge…” and on and on and on. He doesn’t have anything to say, he’s just bored. Hey buddy, try reading a book or something. Nobody wants to hear how boring your life is.

17. Witches: Remember when we talked about Stair-Stoppers? Apparently there’s a extra special breed of stair-stoppers called Witches. You’ll see them as you try to exit the subway on a rainy day. They’ll make it all the way to the top of the stairs, then stop dead in their tracks and try to figure out how they’re going to survive when there’s a possibility of getting wet. You can actually see the panic in their eyes. Doesn’t matter if they have an umbrella. In fact, this might slow ’em down even more. Bonus points for little people that have ridiculously massive umbrellas.Read More »

OnNYTurf’s Turf Battle

August 28, 2007 subwaybloggerLeave a comment

Got this note from my buddy Will today, and I thought it was worth publishing:

As you know onNYTurf.com runs a subway map service and you also know in recent days news broke of some sort of deal between the MTA and Google for creating some better NYC area transit mapping. We have been after this information for several months already, and are still waiting.

More than two months ago onNYTurf filed a FOIL request for all MTA Schedule information. Before that we put in requests using the MTA website. We have been interested in putting together a great comprehensive solution for some time. The trick is getting the massive amounts of schedule data in an easy to use format. For their part the MTA’s response to our FOIL has been slow, cryptic, and generally frustraiting. We have received some data from L.I.Bus, but it is a mess. We all know this is not how the MTA will treat Google. This raises the question of fair play.

Our position is that the data is paid for by the public and should be free and open for any website developer to use. It is our understanding from inside sources that the MTA already has the data neatly compiled for such use – certainly in better shape than the sample they set us. So why have they not been forthcoming with the data, and will they be even after this deal with Google?

I have posted a compete story about our saga with the MTA and some ruminations on why making this data publicly available is more important than just creating trip planners.

We will also be filing another FOIL request soon to try to learn what the MTA is providing to Google and to get a copy.

Regards,

Will
onNYTurf.com

One for the Transit Geeks

July 16, 2007 subwaybloggerLeave a comment

Here’s one for fellow transit geeks. If you’re into all things transit related, this daily newsletter might be something right up your alley.

Bernie Wagenblast’s Transportation Communications Newsletter is a little newsletter publication that sends out links to transit related articles of the day from all over the country. It’s not just NYC, but it’s cool to see what else is going on in other cities. Many of our troubles are not unique to New York!

So if you’re interested, you can see some of the archive emails.

To subscribe send an e-mail to: TCNL-subscribe@googlegroups.com

Free Subways? This guy has thought it out!

April 3, 2007 subwayblogger7 Comments

Got an interesting email tonight from a SUBWAYblogger reader. Apparently this guy has the whole “free subway” thing figured out.

Keep in mind, SUBWAYblogger has no idea if any of this guy’s facts are correct. Also, we don’t necessarily share all his views. But hey, we thought it seemed interesting, so we thought we’d publish it.

Dear Whomever,

My name is CXB and I’ve been pitching the no-brainer economics of FREE SUBWAYS for 15 years now. (Okay, I haven’t been dedicating very much time. Sorry.) Many of my “radical” ideas later came true, and this one will too if more people start discussing it and demanding it of the City Council and Bloomberg and Spitzer. (Giuliani proved me right when he made the Staten Island Ferry free.)

The irony is that I don’t ride the filthy, unpredictable trains. (I’m a cyclist.)

The other day, Lord Bloomberg even said FREE MASS TRANSIT would be the smartest thing, but he doesn’t have the guts/energy to do it.

But it’s a flawless plan. Perhaps you could spread the word, and you don’t even have to give me credit! Here’s a short examination / explanation:

FREE SUBWAYS
Impossible dream or intelligent fiscal innovation?
You be the judge!

“How are you going to pay for free subways?” is a silly question, obviously.
(It’s up there with, “but what will you do when you sail off the edge of the earth, Mr. Columbus?”)

FACT:
MAKING THE SUBWAYS FREE WILL NOT COST US A PENNY.

FACT:
MAKING THEM FREE WILL INSTEAD EARN US OVER $300,000,000 A YEAR.

FACT:
THE MTA IS REPLACING AN ASTRONOMICALLY EXPENSIVE SYSTEM OF FARE-COLLECTION (tokens, token clerks, token booths, token-taking turnstiles, etc.) WITH AN ASTRONOMICALLY EXPENSIVE SYSTEM OF FARE COLLECTION (metrocards, metrocard machines, metrocard-taking turnstiles, maintenance workers to fix / stock metrocard machines, people to sweep up the used metrocards, etc, etc,)!

FACT:
THERE ARE ONLY 2 WAYS TO FINANCE NYC’S SUBWAY SYSTEM:
Out of the pockets of citizens (daily) or
Out of the pockets of citizens (annually)

FACT:
The subway fare does NOT PAY FOR THE SUBWAY – ITS MOSTLY PAID FOR VIA ANNUAL TAX REVENUES. (The fare revenue covers less than 30% of operating costs. It’s mostly subsidized with tax dollars.)

FACT:
THE MTA SPENDS OVER $300,000,000 a year (!!!) TO COLLECT A FARE DAILY.
If we eliminate the fare altogether, we save 100% of that annual $300 million which they inefficiently waste collecting the fare. Comprende?

FACT:
THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY USED TO BE 50 CENTS AND NOW IT’S FREE.

(Which proves there’s a 100% chance we can implement my completely reasonable plan b/c it’s not a pipe dream.)

FACT:
We pay for 100% of NYC’s sidewalks & streets out of annual tax revenues.

Imagine if they decided to put toll booths on every avenue & street in Manhattan, to raise $ to pay for the roads! You’d say that’s totally insane and you’d be right. So why don’t you recognize the toll booth system underground is just as inefficient & insane? WASTE is WRONG (and government waste will be ILLEGAL when I’m mayor).

FACT:
It is MORE INTELLIGENT & EFFICIENT TO SOCIALIZE (ie, like single payer health care) most government services.

EX:
THE POLICE DEPARTMENT & THE FIRE DEPARTMENT PROVE EVERYDAY THAT SOCIALIZED SERVICES ARE MOST EFFICIENT. (Imagine if the NYPD started billing you once a month (or once a day like the MTA!!) for their services! They’d have to spend a hundred million extra dollars a year to set up a billing service & mail you a bill (like Con Ed & the phone companies do) wasting billions of dollars in tax money, manpower, and so on.

It would be absolutely MORONIC to bill millions of people each month (or each day as the MTA does) for the U.S. Military’s work protecting us!! (Note: the U.S. Military is a govt-run, MONOPOLY and everyone loves it that way—nobody wants to open it up to the “free market” b/c the free market is a lie and even Republicans know this, which is why they refuse to open PUBLIC SAFETY to it.)

Ohhh…..there’s waaaaaaaaaaaay more after the jump

Annoying Subway People (Part 2)

March 27, 2007 subwayblogger11 Comments

Editor’s note: Todd is a guest blogger from Blog Name Removed.

On Wednesday March 14th, I posted my list of Annoying Subway people. I got a lot of fun responses to the list, so I planned on doing a follow-up. But then I thought about it. I thought, “Am I mocking other people because I don’t like myself?” and “Maybe I’m being way too hard on other people.” and “Maybe I should try to be more patient.” and finally “Am I too angry?” I decided not to post any more Annoying Subway People articles.

But then I saw this quote:

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.” (Margaret Halsey)

I thought to myself, “Hell, Margaret’s right! I’m well behaved and these people are like animals! I should write about it again!”

And so here we are. I’ve come up with a few more on my own, but I’ve also seen quite a few articles on this from other websites. Apparently other people think just like I do! Sit back and relax while I bring you:

Annoying Subway People (Part 2):

In case you forgot, here’s numbers one through six:

1. Zig-Zaggers.
2. Doddlers
3. Fingers in Ear People.
4. People Who Don’t Bathe
5. Door-Holders
6. Candy Selling Kids

Number 7: Window Scratchers: Whoever it is that scratches up the subway windows with graffiti. That must take a long while to do, so obviously this person has way too much time on their hands. I’ve said it before: Vandalism should be cause for immediate Tasering. Not just once, but 10 minutes of shock after shock from a police Taser. Maybe that’ll cut down on the ruined windows.

8: Stoppers/Stair Stoppers: The inbred breeding of half-minded Doddlers and Zig-Zaggers will lead to the dreaded Stopper. This person may look like he’s going to walk straight and true, but then out of nowhere, BAM! He stops and causes a chain reaction of chaos behind him. Even worse are the Stair Stoppers! This may sound trivial, but it is proven to lead to back-ups. (It’s called the shock-wave effect.) Please don’t be a stopper. Keep moving and veer off to the side if you need to pause a moment. The rest of us have places to be. We’re not impatient, we’re just really really motivated.

9: Earbud Guy: Ah yes. This guy just loves his music. He loves it so much that he’s going to crank up his mp3 player higher then his earbuds can handle. Now the whole train gets to love his music. It’s especially nice when Earbud Guy shares his music at 7am. I love Reggaeton at 7am. It warms my heart. (Almost as much as the thought of Earbud guy going deaf in a couple years.)

10: Stop and Go Conductors: Speed up, slow down, speed up, slow down, speed up, and… vomit. Nothing makes my morning commute more pleasant that an overpaid ass playing at the controls of the subway train. Seriously, it’s not that hard to do. Ready for it? Here it is: Go until you need to stop. There aren’t surprises on the track and if there are, well, speed up and run them over. Just don’t slow down until we get to the station. And when we do, slide in gently, don’t jerk it in awkwardly like you did with your prom date.

11: No Speaka English-ites: Just a quick Xenophobic pet peeve. If you’re going to have a full conversation in an America, speak English. If you suck at English, try anyway. It’s good practice. I’ll make an exception for tourists, but if you live here, speak the damn language when you’re out in public.

12: Mimes: Mimes should be barely tolerated, regardless of the circumstance, if only because they remind me of French people (of whom I am also not a fan). When they are ‘performing’ in a subway station? They should be sprayed with a fire hose. The big painful, knock-you-on-your-ass kind. I bet they’d scream…

13: Shorties: Noun. Definition: Short people who hang onto me and/or my clothing instead of the designated handles of The Subway. See also: China Town Residents. (Why? Why do they do this? You try to shake them off and they don’t let go!)

and the last one (for today),

14: The Leaning Sleepers: Subways are gross because there are gross people in them. When those gross people are sitting next to you fall asleep, then decide to lean onto you, you become gross. Unless you’re going to buy me dinner and tease me with suggestive eye glances over candlelight, don’t you dare lean on me! I hate being touched, and being touched by random (usually People Who Don’t Bathe) people on The Subway is the absolute worst. Imagine the lice and other infestations that are probably hopping onto your jacket. Sick dude.

That’s it for now. Don’t worry, there’s more to come! I’ve been keeping a list, and we’re nowhere near the end…

Getting it off my chest

March 14, 2007 subwayblogger20 Comments

I’ve got some stuff to get off my chest, and that stuff is Annoying Subway People! Let’s go by categories:

1. Zig-Zaggers. These are the people who can’t walk a straight line tosave their life. They weave back and forth and eventually make it to where they’re going. Is it indecision? Is it lack of knowledge? Are they just completely unaware that there are hundreds of other people around them who might be in a hurry? In the world of Subway transfers this should be a death-penalty offense. If you don’t know where you’re going, move the hell out of the way. If you do know where you’re going, but it’s impossible for you to walk correctly, lay off the alcohol. If you’re not drunk, stay home. Apparently you’re too damn retarded to live and work with the rest of us. We don’t want you around. You know whom you should take with you? The…

2. Doddlers. Definition: People whom doddle around at a pace that most would consider a weak crawl. Again, if you’re completely lost, move aside and figure out where you’re going. Don’t do the half step, stop, half step and stop again. Basically, be aware of people around you. There are variations of this. If you’re handicapped I understand. It’s not your fault. I’ll gladly hang behind you while you give it your all. Your day isn’t easy and I can respect that you’re still working at it. But let me make this very clear: Being fat does not mean you’re handicapped. There’s probably a reason that you’re too damn big to move at a normal NYC pace (read: fast). Stop being lazy and pick up the pace! If you’re unable, then move and wait for the rest of us to pass. Seriously.

And if you are a Zig-Zagging Doddler, be prepared to get kicked in the back of the knee.

3. Fingers in Ear People. I get it, the trains can be loud. Your precious ears can’t take it. The Post told us that we’re all going to go deaf from the train noise. This doesn’t give you permission to slow down to a creep and stick your fingers in your ears. People doing this on the stairs drive me bonkers. If you really have to plug your ears, can you practice at home to do it while walking fast? Are you that uncoordinated?

Zig-Zagging Fingers in the Ears Doddlers? I hope you fall down the steps and poke out your ear-drums.

4. People Who Don’t Bathe. Honestly, do I need to explain how much fun it is to stand next to an old person who has his or her armpit in your face and broadcasts the reeking odor of someone who hasn’t seen a shower since the early 90’s? I’m speaking specifically of those who are clearly not homeless. I don’t rip on the homeless unless they’re obnoxious. I’m
talking about those who choose to smell.

People Who Don’t Bathe are almost always Doddlers. But they typically don’t move fast enough to qualify as Zig-Zaggers. Thank God, I don’t think I could handle the triple threat.

5. Door-Holders: There’s a special place in hell reserved for these people. I don’t know if there’s any other time in life where one A-hole can inconvenience hundreds of people. Consider it equal to using a fire truck to block an entire highway during rush hour. Unless there is an emergency, and there’d better damn well be a really big emergency, there is absolutely no reason that you can’t wait for the next train. And if you’re holding it for friends, well, I hate you. Seriously. If I owned a Taser you’d feel it in the small of your back. Don’t think anyone on that train would be a witness against me.

And finally…

6. Candy Selling Kids. I can’t really hate them, but they do annoy me. “For my basketball team”? Please. First off, when the hell do you practice? I see you almost daily selling candy! “Stay off the streets…” Being under the streets isn’t much better. “The only candy I have left is…” It’s always M&M Peanut! Always! Add in some Starbursts and Sour Patch Watermelon and you’ve got their daily stash! But for as annoying as these kids are, the people who I truly, honest to God, hate with a passion are their parents. Who pimps out their F-ing kids? That is so wrong.

And that’s it! For now… There are still plenty of people who piss me off on a daily basis.

P.S. Where the heck do the Candy Selling Kids get all those M&M Peanuts?

Contributed by Blog Name Removed.

Top 10 Reasons You’ll Be Late

February 27, 2007 subwayblogger5 Comments

SUBWAYblogger reader Lee tipped us to this article by the Daily News about the top 10 reasons trains are thrown off schedule. What are the reasons?

Track work
Signal Trouble
Guard-light trouble (huh?)
Sick Customers
Customers holding doors
Emergency Brakes triggered; no cause found (that’s not comforting)
Broken rail (lovely)
Unruly riders
System Maintenance (isn’t that the same as #1?)
Emergency brakes triggered by signal

4,270 trains were thrown off schedule in 2006. Somehow, that number seems low, no? Or maybe I was unlucky enough to be stuck on 4,000 of those trains. Either way, it seems a bit low.

Overall, the MTA has about 100 categories for transit delays. In other words, they have over 100 excuses to use when you complain about train service. Ahhh, the sweet work of a government job.

Parking Garage Mashup: Completely not subway related but still cool

January 22, 2007 subwaybloggerLeave a comment

From time to time, we get some very interesting reader mail. This one was particularly interesting. Disclaimer: This really has nothing to do with the subway at all. However, as pointed out below, it does have something to do with city transit, so we thought we would let this slide by.

Anyway, this kid created this cool mashup that takes all the city’s parking garages and puts them on a google map. It will also calculate the cost to park your car at each garage! It puts the color coded garages/lots on a map (color coded cheap to expensive).

Here’s what we got from the founder.

Dear “Subway Blogger”,

Although the following “tip” does not fall within the subway category, it has very much to do with transportation. I am an 18 year old student and just started a free service to benefit drivers in New York City. The website, http://www.NYCgarages.com, allows users to search and compare all parking garage/lot rates and locations for daily, weekly, and monthly parking.

New Trains: Sweet

January 22, 2007 subwaybloggerLeave a comment

I rode in a new Subway train today. I tried to look it up in the MTA website, but what do you know, most of the MTA site isn’t working! Ha! If that’s not classic, I don’t know what is.

A word about the new trains: Sweet.

They’ve got a new suspension system that uses “air-bags,” but it’s nice and smooth. The “digital” displays are still stuck in the late 80’s, but they’re informative. They said that they changed the placement of the doors to improve flow, but they seemed like the same old doors to me.

Finally, the LCD screen was fun to look at for a few minutes, but I guarantee that those things are broken within months and then not fixed. Ever. Ah well, at least they’re new and clean.

The one I rode this morning (N from Pacific St to Union Sq) was in “test mode,” so it only went half speed. That sucked. Let’s get those bad boys moving full speed!

Todd writes for BlogNameRemoved.com and contributed this article.

How often does this bad boy get a scrub

January 10, 2007 subwayblogger

Did you ever stop and wonder how often a subway car gets cleaned? You’d think that they get at least a walk through to pick up trash on a fairly regular basis, but how often are they really CLEANED?

SUBWAYblogger’s going to do a little homework on this one.

Logic says that each train car probably rarely gets a scrub. You figure that millions of people ride the subway everyday, so how much time is really left to give the cars a good cleaning? Probably not much. Sure, there’s a service rotation that each train goes through, but I’d imagine that they don’t get this kind of service very often.

That’s the basis for why SUBWAYblogger avoids touching things on the subway. It’s not an OCD sort of thing. It’s a “you can feel the grease” on the grab rails kinda thing. You can write your name in the “hand juice” on the poles. Ewww.

So I wonder if the MTA can get out a wetnap from time to time.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…