Category: Crime

Annoying Subway People (Part 2)

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Editor’s note:  Todd is a guest blogger from Blog Name Removed. 

On Wednesday March 14th, I posted my list of Annoying Subway people. I got a lot of fun responses to the list, so I planned on doing a follow-up. But then I thought about it. I thought, “Am I mocking other people because I don’t like myself?” and “Maybe I’m being way too hard on other people.” and “Maybe I should try to be more patient.” and finally “Am I too angry?” I decided not to post any more Annoying Subway People articles.

But then I saw this quote:

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.” (Margaret Halsey)

I thought to myself, “Hell, Margaret’s right! I’m well behaved and these people are like animals! I should write about it again!”

And so here we are. I’ve come up with a few more on my own, but I’ve also seen quite a few articles on this from other websites. Apparently other people think just like I do! Sit back and relax while I bring you:

Annoying Subway People (Part 2):

In case you forgot, here’s numbers one through six:

1. Zig-Zaggers.
2. Doddlers
3. Fingers in Ear People.
4. People Who Don’t Bathe
5. Door-Holders
6. Candy Selling Kids

Number 7: Window Scratchers: Whoever it is that scratches up the subway windows with graffiti. That must take a long while to do, so obviously this person has way too much time on their hands. I’ve said it before: Vandalism should be cause for immediate Tasering. Not just once, but 10 minutes of shock after shock from a police Taser. Maybe that’ll cut down on the ruined windows.

8: Stoppers/Stair Stoppers: The inbred breeding of half-minded Doddlers and Zig-Zaggers will lead to the dreaded Stopper. This person may look like he’s going to walk straight and true, but then out of nowhere, BAM! He stops and causes a chain reaction of chaos behind him. Even worse are the Stair Stoppers! This may sound trivial, but it is proven to lead to back-ups. (It’s called the shock-wave effect.) Please don’t be a stopper. Keep moving and veer off to the side if you need to pause a moment. The rest of us have places to be. We’re not impatient, we’re just really really motivated.

9: Earbud Guy: Ah yes. This guy just loves his music. He loves it so much that he’s going to crank up his mp3 player higher then his earbuds can handle. Now the whole train gets to love his music. It’s especially nice when Earbud Guy shares his music at 7am. I love Reggaeton at 7am. It warms my heart. (Almost as much as the thought of Earbud guy going deaf in a couple years.)

10: Stop and Go Conductors: Speed up, slow down, speed up, slow down, speed up, and… vomit. Nothing makes my morning commute more pleasant that an overpaid ass playing at the controls of the subway train. Seriously, it’s not that hard to do. Ready for it? Here it is: Go until you need to stop. There aren’t surprises on the track and if there are, well, speed up and run them over. Just don’t slow down until we get to the station. And when we do, slide in gently, don’t jerk it in awkwardly like you did with your prom date.

11: No Speaka English-ites: Just a quick Xenophobic pet peeve. If you’re going to have a full conversation in an America, speak English. If you suck at English, try anyway. It’s good practice. I’ll make an exception for tourists, but if you live here, speak the damn language when you’re out in public.

12: Mimes: Mimes should be barely tolerated, regardless of the circumstance, if only because they remind me of French people (of whom I am also not a fan). When they are ‘performing’ in a subway station? They should be sprayed with a fire hose. The big painful, knock-you-on-your-ass kind. I bet they’d scream…

13: Shorties: Noun. Definition: Short people who hang onto me and/or my clothing instead of the designated handles of The Subway. See also: China Town Residents. (Why? Why do they do this? You try to shake them off and they don’t let go!)

and the last one (for today),

14: The Leaning Sleepers: Subways are gross because there are gross people in them. When those gross people are sitting next to you fall asleep, then decide to lean onto you, you become gross. Unless you’re going to buy me dinner and tease me with suggestive eye glances over candlelight, don’t you dare lean on me! I hate being touched, and being touched by random (usually People Who Don’t Bathe) people on The Subway is the absolute worst. Imagine the lice and other infestations that are probably hopping onto your jacket. Sick dude.

That’s it for now. Don’t worry, there’s more to come! I’ve been keeping a list, and we’re nowhere near the end…

MTA to Beef-Up Rail Security

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inspection.jpg 

Buuuut not for the subway.  The Feds are being brought in to increase “police presence”on the LIRR and MetroNorth.  Homeland Security Officers no less.

As for the subway, continue to watch your back as normal.  The police are too busy pretending to do random screenings of bags.

I would love to have a job where all I have to do is set up a little table at the entrance of a subway and then stand there all day with my hands in my pockets.  Hey, why not have the guys that hand out the newspapers also do the screenings?  Get you bag checked; get a paper.

Some how, this will be the NYPD’s fault too.

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There was a high school “Basket-brawl” last night at a game in Madison Square Garden.  Lincoln and Boys & Girls schools were playing each other when the fights broke out.

There was a pretty flagrant foul that some fans flipped out over. 

Says WCBS-TV:

The male, who was wearing a brown jacket, was pulled over the railing by school safety officers and appeared to not be resisting, but four officers are seen beating him. Two of the officers struck the boy several times with their batons.

For the love.  That’s all we need.  Is this Al Sharpton’s busy season or what?  Here’s a concept…if you start a fight in a public arena, and you’re swinging at people, you might get your skull cracked by a baton.  Cost of doing business.

By now, you’re probably saying, “True, but what does this have to do with the subway?”  Well, the melee spilled out into the streets, and into the subway.  Somehow, the brawl traveled from MSG up to Times Square.  There in the subway, the fighting continued.  The CBS 2 video shows the cops flooding into the subway to break up more fights.

21 people were arrested, one of which had a gun.  So yeah, let’s worry about people getting roughed up by the police in this kind of fight.  After all, the combatants are only carrying guns in the subway…no biggie.  Oh, did I mention that there were even shots fired?

Hey, what about those MTA signs that say “Illegal possession of a fire arm in the subway carries a minimum of 3 1/2 years in prison?”  Sounds like they are really working.

Some how, this will be the NYPD’s fault too.

subwayblogger1 Comment

There was a high school “Basket-brawl” last night at a game in Madison Square Garden.  Lincoln and Boys & Girls schools were playing each other when the fights broke out.

There was a pretty flagrant foul that some fans flipped out over. 

Says WCBS-TV:

The male, who was wearing a brown jacket, was pulled over the railing by school safety officers and appeared to not be resisting, but four officers are seen beating him. Two of the officers struck the boy several times with their batons.

For the love.  That’s all we need.  Is this Al Sharpton’s busy season or what?  Here’s a concept…if you start a fight in a public arena, and you’re swinging at people, you might get your skull cracked by a baton.  Cost of doing business.

By now, you’re probably saying, “True, but what does this have to do with the subway?”  Well, the melee spilled out into the streets, and into the subway.  Somehow, the brawl traveled from MSG up to Times Square.  There in the subway, the fighting continued.  The CBS 2 video shows the cops flooding into the subway to break up more fights.

21 people were arrested, one of which had a gun.  So yeah, let’s worry about people getting roughed up by the police in this kind of fight.  After all, the combatants are only carrying guns in the subway…no biggie.  Oh, did I mention that there were even shots fired?

Hey, what about those MTA signs that say “Illegal possession of a fire arm in the subway carries a minimum of 3 1/2 years in prison?”  Sounds like they are really working.

Dodging Disaster

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kalid.jpgToday it was announced that crazy ass Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was in fact involved in all the crap we suspected.  He confessed to things like the 9/11 plot, the first World Trade Center bombing, the crazy shoe bomber, etc.  All told, a list of 31 plots.

After reading the list, it struck me that none of them involved mass transit (other than bombing suspension bridges).  Then I got distracted and forgot about it.

Later, I saw that Chuck was thinking the same thing.  However, he’s a real journalist and not as distractable, so he actually wrote a post about it.  Now I’m here catching up. 

At the end of the day though, it doesn’t really matter that he didn’t cop to a plot to blow up the subway.  He could have just left it out.  Besides, there’s plenty of other crazies out there plotting to do it anyway. 

Schizo Subway Bomber Gets 5 Years

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A schizophrenic Staten Island man, James Elshafay, has been sentenced to five years in prison for conspiring to blow up the Herald Square subway station.  Elshafay plead guilty and also testified agains Shahawar Matin Siraj, the mastermind of the plot.

Siraj was sentenced last year to 30 years in prison.

More Details.

Schizophrenic or not, neither one of them should ever be allowed out of prison again.  I think many straphangers would back me up on that.

Muaahhh…Fun Evil

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csad.jpg

Not that we condone illegal graffiti, especially of advertisements, but this just looks too fun.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, now you can print out graffiti from your home computer and stick it to subway advertisements.

Not just any graffiti either.  Why bother taking out your black magic marker to give that binki model a Hitler mustache when you could give her a lifelike coldsore instead! 

Yes folks, print out a batch of these lovely STD stickers, and seek revenge on those ad campaigns that cause your body image problems.

Again, it is illegal, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun!!

Poor electronic signs, you never had a chance

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ltrainsign.jpg 

Yay!  The electronic message boardsalong the L line are up and running.  Uhhh…wait…no, maybe they aren’t.  Are they broken already?

In some cases yes, and not just with quirky little bugs.  It turns out that people are actually stealing the copper wiring that the signs are hooked up to!  The copper cabling is very valuable, and can be sold easily as scrap metal. 

The rising price of copper among scrap dealers is thought to be the cause of many copper capers around the city.

Transit officials say the thefts are partly to blame for delays in completing its ballyhooed Public Address/Customer Information Screen project.

Alright, let’s not get too carried away.  We can agree that it is a pretty significant set back, but don’t put too much of the delay-blame on the copper thieves.  There’s been a significant number of non-wire related problems too. 

On a side note, how much faith should we have in subway security?  If people can walk in, cut out copper cables, and walk away without anyone noticing, that seems to be a problem!  These aren’t little cables either.  Some of them can be an inch or two thick. 

L Train Stabbing Leaves One Dead

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seats2.jpg 

If you were at the New Lots Ave stop of the L train at around 3am this morning, you probably saw a pretty ugly thing.  Five people were arrested in connection with the stabbing and subsequent death of 20-year old Gerlin Collando. 

Collando was stabbed multiple times in the chest.  Allegedly, the argument that lead to the stabbing was the result of Collando dancing with someone else’s girlfriend at a party.

The suspects jumped onto a departing train, however, police held the train and caught up to the suspects at the next stop.

Now that the “hard” news is out of the way, let’s discuss…

How freaking scary would it be to find yourself stuck in a train car with the “suspects?”  One thing that idiot criminals forget is that they can’t out run a radio.  So, when police were called to the scene, they were able to radio for the train to be held.  Thus, the train stopped, doors closed, with the suspects trapped inside.

Not a crew that SUBWAYblogger would like to be locked in with.  There had to have come a point where the suspects knew that something was going on.  They had to know that the train was stopped because of them.

Anyway, stopping the train gives police plenty of time to get set up at the next stop.  At that point, there’s really no where else to run.

Just imagine sitting on that train.  Out the window, you see this group of guys stab another guy.  Then they run into the car that you are already sitting in.  What do you do?  Probably you just act like any other New Yorker, and act like nothing is out of the ordinary.