I lucked out this morning. I managed to catch a train with next to no one on board, so there were a handful of open seats. There was hardly anyone standing.

So, I sat next to a lady in a black bubble coat. It was one of those huge, puffy coats that’s stuffed with down or somwthing. Anyway, the lady was a pretty petite woman, but the coat tripples her size.

I sit down and her puffy coat is taking up half my seat. No big deal because my shoulder just pushes the coat over.

Well, she flips out. Meanwhile, I haven’t touched her person, just her coat that is spreading into my seat. Normally people are squished in together on those seats.

I turned to her and said that she was fine, but her coat was all up in my shit. She didn’t seem to get that. I didn’t really care that her coat was on my seat. It wasn’t like I was sitting on it. So I told her that if it bothers her soooo much, then she simply needs to keep her coat off the other seats around her and it wouldn’t be a problem.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Ok, SUBWAYblogger admits that we almost took a digger coming down the subway stairs this morning.

I guess the station agent didn’t get around to salting the steps because they were coated end to end in ice. Not just a little slippery spot, the whole thing.

SUBWAYblogger wasn’t the only one either. A guy behind almost fell too.

The thought of falling on the floor of a subway station makes SUBWAYblogger vomit a little. Gross!

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Is it kosher to read Playboy on the subway?

The guy standing across from me thinks so. Sort of an odd publication to read in public, no?

He must be “reading it for the articles” while he’s on the train.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

So there’s a sign on the trains that says having an illegal handgun carries a minimum penalty of three and a half years in prison.

Shouldn’t that sign be outside the subway?

At this point, if you’re packin’ heat on the train and then read the sign, isn’t it a little too late?

Ok so let’s say you forgot your 9mm at home on your dresser today,and you read the sign. The next day are you really going to stop walking around locked and loaded? Because of a subway sign?

At this point, there’s not much difference between an MTA sign and the Snapple Fact under the cap of your iced tea. You’re basically getting the same little tidbits of trivia.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

So I just saw a child fall in the gap between the train and the platform. The nanny and a stranger caught the kid before she slipped down, but it was scary still.

The little girl is about 3 or 4 years old. She fell up to her waist. The nanny had one arm already, and some other lady grabbed her other arm.

Had the nanny lost her grip, the kid would have easily fell straight through.

Folks, first of all, children and rush hour don’t mix. Keep the kids at home or in school where they belong.

If you are going to be a moron, hold your child while entering and exiting the train. Leave the dumpster-sized stroller at home. Don’t let the kid walk onto the train by themselves as this child did. You are the adult, the kid works for you.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

If someone sees my left ear on the platform, please mail it back to me. It’s so cold that my ear fell off and I have no idea where it is.

In the words of Lewis Black, “FUCK it’s cold!”

The subway entrance is like a oasis in a frozen tundra. You actually find yourself counting steps until you reach the stair just so you can get out of the windchill.

Then underground, you seach for the waiting areas as far from the entrance as possible just to avoid the cold breeze.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

…ze.

Ok it didn’t freeze, but it came close. The LCD screen started to get sluggish. It looks like the icons and text are moving in slow motion.

The freezing cold unfortunately drives all the bums underground. They all sneak there way onto the platforms because of course there aren’t enough shelters. Even if there were enough shelters, many of the homeless wouldn’t go.  All they have left is their pride, so they think it is better to freeze to death.

That’s the logic that got them on the streets in the first place!

Anyway, us straphangers are then forced to deal with them.

How’s this for a pleasant start to your morning:  This morning I’m walking to the train and there’s a homeless guy laid over on his side asleep on the ground. Nothing new. However, his pants are down around his knees. So there’s his completely bare, white ass pointed in the direction of oncoming riders.

I almost lost my breakfast.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio… 

Boy does that expression bug the crap out of me. How about, “Happy we’re half way to the weekend day.”

Anyway, SUBWAYblogger is proud to announce that we have upgraded to the brand spankin’ new WordPress 2.1. You should notice faster load times on this site as the database scripts are much cleaner.

The upgrade on the SUBWAYblogger backend means that we have even more control over how the site looks and functions for you, the reader. So we look forward to enhancing your experience here with us.

Well, that’s about it for this morning. The train’s running on time, the weather is nice, and the weekend is almost here. Now all I gotta do is get this guy’s afro out of my face (it’s 4 inches from MY head), and it will be a good day.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

So this subway booth attendant, Luis, spends his free time in the booth creating MetroCard sculptures. He takes old and used MetroCards and does some crazy origami stuff with them. Check out his flickr stream or head over to Gothamist. They’re pretty cool.

PS – Luis works over at the 110th Street stop on the B&C line.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…