Back to the dry cleaner

I enjoy a nice, crisp, white dress shirt as much as the next guy I guess.  I don’t really think about them much other than when I immediately get a stain or mark on them before even getting to work.

That happened to me this morning thanks to the damn rubber gaskets on the subway doors.

Of course, it was all because of a damn baby stroller.  I have railed and railed against open baby strollers on the train before, and many of you have said I am being to hard.

Well, first let’s just get the facts straight.  The MTA says that strollers are supposed to be folded up and closed when riding the train.

Anyway, the train was somewhat crowded this morning.  We came to a stop, and this mother started to get off the train.  She got a bit of a late start in her move for the for the door.  I was standing near the door, so I took a step out half way onto the platform.  I was blocking the door open so she could get off with the stroller.

Just as she got clear of the doors, they started to close.  Right into my back.

For the rest of the day, I had a very straight, very neat black line down the left side of my back.

Sick Passenger Terminates 2 Line

Was anyone on the 2 train Thursday morning when it started terminating “because of a sick passenger”?

I truly hate that bullshit.  Get the damn sick passenger off the train and let’s get moving.  I don’t understand why an entire line has to come to a screatching halt because someone pukes on a train.  Even if the person had a heart attack, wouldn’t you want to get them off the train and upstairs as quick as possible?

That morning, my 2 train terminated at 42nd Street Time Square.  Are you kidding me?  That’s the biggest stop in the system and that’s where you are going to terminate?  The kicker was the sick passenger was all the way down at Chambers Street.

There has to be a better way to deal with this crap.

Escalators: Walk on the Left, Stand on the Right

If you miraculously find a working escalator somewhere in the New York City subway system…

1) Alert us immediately.  They are, in fact, an endangered species
2) Walk on the left side, and stand on the right.  Don’t be a dick and stand in the middle, or next to your girlfriend.

Folks, it’s a simple concept.  If you’re feeling a little lazy, had a rough night, have a bum leg, whatever…stand on the right side of the escalator.  Allow those of us that would like to walk on the left side to pass you.

If you want to ride all the way from top to bottom, no problem  Knock yourself out.  Just keep right.

Don’t believe me?  Tomorrow morning, get on the busy escalator and stand still on the left side.  Half way up, turn around and look behind you.  Be careful, you might get smacked.

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Backpack Wearing Douchebags

Let’s just be clear, if you’re wearing a backpack on a crowded subway train at rush hour, you are a douchebag.  Period.  There’s no defense.

Secondly, if you are a grown man wearing a backpack for any reason (at any time) that doesn’t have something to do with hiking or camping, you are also a douchebag.

I know, “the backpack” is a new Euro-trend that’s been getting more and more popular for expense account hipsters.  I get it.  However, there’s a cool way to pull it off, and there’s a way to not deserve D-BAG stamped on your forehead.  Allow me to explain.

Ever been riding the train on a busy morning when some jackass gets on with his backpacked locked and loaded on his back as if he’s about to scale the outside of the New York Times building?  You’d notice him right way because every time he turns to the left or right, his backpack smacks into you.  Read More »

Striking Similarity or Pink Copycat

You Be the Judge…

Fat People:

Subway Gal and Here
and Here

Subway Gal
SUBWAYblogger and Bums Category

Sleeping on Subway:
Subway Gal

Emergency Exits
Subway Gal

Subway Gal

Fare Increase, Same Crappy Service
Subway Gal

Heat and Air Conditioning
Subway Gal
SUBWAYblogger and Here (same headline) and Here

I mean, I’m just sayin’.  🙂

Are people being pissy more than normal?

I feel like I am running into the most bitchy people on the subway lately.  I mean this week!

There seem to be an especially high number of moody bitches causing problems on the train.  For what ever reason, it has still be crowded in the morning even though many schools are off this week.  So I don’k know what the deal is, but the trains are more crowded than ever this week.

On that note, people think if they cause a scene, somehow it is going to make things move quicker.

Have you noticed anything?

Back Off

Can I just say that the women who leap over people to dive on an open seat need to freaking relax. I mean seriously.

Ok here’s the profile of the people I generally speak of:

18-34 Years Old
Usually White
iPod Wearing

The skinny aspect is critical to the scenario because these women jump at even the smallest seat. There could be a sliver of seat showing between two fairly large people, and these women will knock people over to get it.

Anyway, I generally don’t sit. I stand for the whole ride unless it happens to be a really slow transit day. Even when I am literally standing in front of an open seat, and I wont take it because there’s going to be someone that either needs it more or wants it more than me. So I generally move out of the way.

So if you want the empty seat in front of me, all you gotta do is ask me to move so you can get by me. There’s no need to duck under my arm and slam me in the ribs with your hug purse.

Side note, when the shit you are carrying is bigger than your lap, you can’t hold it on your lap or attempt to navigate a crowded train. Just stand where you’re at, and don’t move. Above all else, don’t get pissed when people bump into you because you have a 50 cubic foot purse.

Light Holiday Shopping Rush?


Well it is usually this time of the year that I run out of Christmas cheer.  It’s about this time that I am ready to kill people on the subway.

Most of it has to do with obnoxious tourists and their 25 shopping bags cramming into the train cars.

See if you can relate to this scenario.  There you are going to or coming from work.  You have on dress pants or a skirt.  Most dress pants tend to be a somewhat thin, light weight material.  Here comes a 50 something woman with 10 shopping bags in each hand.  As she tries to scoot by you on the train, the sharp corners from her designer shopping bags scratch and scrape your legs.

I’ve actually had a person put a small hole in my pants like this ones.  Soooooooo pissed.  Even more pissed because I didn’t notice the whole until someone pointed it out when I got to the office. And I know it was from this woman on the train because the there was a red scratch on my skin right where the hole was in the fabric.

Anyway, the major rush seems to have already ended.  I’m not seeing as many shoppers on the trains this week as I’ve seen in years past.  The trains are no more crowded than normal it seems.

I did speak to a vendor at the Bryant Park holiday bazaar, and he said it is much slower than last year.  It is much colder this year than it was the previous year.  As a matter of fact, it was pretty warm for December last year, so it brought out tons of people.

Any other mass transit holiday nightmares you would like to share?

Can we all agree that Columbus Day is the most pointless holiday of the year?

Honestly, it really is.  It’s like a fake holiday.  The damn kids have school off, but we don’t get the day off from work.

Let’s look at a quick holiday breakdown:

St. Patrick’s Day:  An excuse to get wasted in the middle of the week.  And who doesn’t love green beer?

Valentine’s Day:  This one’s for the ladies, but it gets men laid.  And women get chocolate.

Labor Day:  Hey, no work!

Memorial Day:  Honor the troops.  Hey, and another day off!

President’s Day:  Still, more people get the day off than Columbus day.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day:  Celebrate racial equality, and yes, another day off from work.

Then, there’s Columbus day.  Only kids in public school and teachers get the day off.  The rest of us have to go to work.  Yeah, there’s a parade, but even that’s pretty lame.  The Italian community latches onto this guy like a saint.  I mean yeah, he “discovered” America, and was alleged to be Italian, but even that’s up for debate.

Besides that, he is widely known as causing the most massive slaughtering of human life in history.  The exploration and settling of Columbus’ voyages displaced, enslaved, and killed millions of indigenous American people.

Columbus, and the people he brought to this continent “…caused the deaths of millions of American indigenous peoples, in what can only be described as one of the greatest tragedies of all time.”

Ok, now that being said, let’s get back to the kids.  They were everywhere today!  The day off from school meant that thousands of teenage students were turned loose on the city.  The trains were super crowded with teens huddled in small groups all over the trains.

Since the parents still had to go to work, they were left to their own devices.  So why not hit the city for the day and do…things.

I have no idea where all these kids are on the weekends because you never see them out like this on a random Saturday.  Something about having a day off from school brought them all out, thus making the commute a nightmare.

Of course, they were not out of bed yet for the morning commute.  But the afternoon ride…WOW!

High School Kids: They’re Back


I think the high school population in my neighborhood doubled this year.  Today, there were waaaay more kids waiting for the train than last year.

The girls really bother me.  They move in little packs of 2 or 3, and will not separate no matter what.  So instead of being able to navigate around just one of them at a time, you have to treat them as a single person.

They get on the already crowded train, and then stand on top of each other in the most inconvenient spots possible.  Then, as the ride continues, they don’t move with the natural flow of the train car.  As other people get on and off, they refuse to separate.  As if they weren’t going to the same place.

If they get separated or travel alone, immediately the iPod earbuds go in.  Also, oversized sunglasses go on so they can spot their girlfriends without people knowing they’re panicked.

Then there’s the guys.  They tend to be a bit more nomadic, however it depends on their race.  No, I’m not racist.  It’s just an observation.  Feel free to disagree.  Here we go:

White Guys:  They tend to gravitate to the pods of girls.  They move solo.  If no girls are around, two guys might ride together.  Otherwise, they go it alone, or  with a minimum of 2 girls.  You’ll usually see a group of girls with the token dude standing somewhere near by.  Shaggy haircuts and designer t-shirts a must.  They come off as way too cool for everyone on the train.  Oh and don’t forget the messenger bags

Hispanic Guys:  The true nomads.  They tend to do their own thing.  They’re often the least noticeable because they travel solo, move with the flow of people, and generally don’t get in the way.  I relate best to these guys.  They just look like they want to be left alone…like me.  As if they haven’t had their second cup of coffee just yet…like me again.  By the way, what do Mexican guys use in their hair to make it so slicked back?  What ever it is, it’s at the peak of slickness early in the morning.

Black Guys:  Always have a wing man.  They tend to travel in pairs.   More often than not, one tends to be much taller than the other.  There’s very little talking.  Almost telepathically, they set up position in the doorways.  They never move, even when the doors open.  Would simply turning their bodies 90 degrees to let people on and off work?  Of course!  Will it happen?  Not likely.  They’re easy to spot because they have those Nike sports bags that have the rope cords that cinched the bag shut at the top.  The guy could be 6 feet of torso, yet the bag cords are always long enough to let the bag hit them near the ass.

Only about 8 or 9 more months till summer vacation.