Category: Live Blogging On the Subway

My MetroCard is Frozen

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That’s how cold it is. Ok, I lied. My MetroCard didn’t freeze, but I bet it could!

Everyone on the train or platform is either pissed or in shock at how cold it is. In reality, it is like this all winter. It just takes a couple weeks to adjust.

Anyway, people just look flustered. Everyone’s noses are bright red. People are walking insanely slow on the stairs because they have 14 layers on. That’s 14 layers on top of the large mass many of them carry around (aka their ass) every day.

As a matter of fact, I think people just stayed home today. The subway is pretty empty this morning. Is there another Jewish holiday that I am missing? Probably.

As a non-Jew, you don’t really notice how many Jewish people live in the city until a Jewish holiday rolls around. All of a sudden, you get to the subway in the morning, and it is only you and 3 other people waiting for the train. You immediately count the days and think, “Wait, is today Saturday?”

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

There is a downtown train approaching

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SUBWAYblogger hates those words. “Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a downtown train approaching…a stop no where near where you are.”

It has been a rough morning so far. It’s almost sickening when you come around the corner and see that there isn’t even standing room on the platform. You know right then, it is going to be ugly.

Today, especially ugly for SUBWAYblogger because there is a train to catch at Grand Central Terminal. Our adventures today take us to the Harlem line of Metro North. Unfortunately, it all depends on the subway gods allowing quick passage to the outbound train at GCT.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

May I please discipline your child

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When is it appropriate for me, a complete stranger, to yell at your kid for being obnoxious?

Answer…when ever you clearly are not going to take care of it yourself.

For example, tell your kid to hold the damn rail so he stops falling on my feet. I know he thinks is is soooo funny, but how funny will it be if I send you the bill for my damaged leather shoes?

“Hunnie, hold on please,” didn’t work the first 10 times you ASKED him. So why do you think attempt number 11 will work?

How bout we change tactics to, “If you fall on that man one more time, it will be the last time you stand up for a week!”

Maybe that will get the point across a little more clearly.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Annoying newspaper guy

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Did you ever find youself stuck next to “annoying newspaper guy” on the subway? There you are, packed into a train with hardly enough room to breathe as it is. Then newspaper guy whips out his Wall Street Journal and thinks he deserves double the room.

His elbows fly out like wings. Every time he turns the page, he hits other passengers with the paper. Then someone steps in a little to close and he gets pissed.

Some of these guys just stick the paper inches from your face. I’m standing here reading emails on my Blackberry. I have the thing pulled all the way into my chest so as to not take up space but still make it readable. All of a sudden, his paper is under my chin! I am looking straight down at my belt buckle but can’t see it because his newspaper is pressed into me. So of course, it is blocking my screen.

Ok, so I lift my Blackberry up and over the top of his newpaper so I can see the screen. I kid you not, “Excuse me…I can’t see,” he says to me!

I look at him like he is an idiota, and turn my body 45 degrees so my shoulder crunches his paper up. “How’s that? Better?”

He huffed and folded up his paper.

The people that crack me up too are the ones that do something like that with AM New York or Metro. “Excuse me while I catch up on my financials and policitcal news with my AMNY.” If you are going to be an snob with your newspaper, at least do it with a New York Times or WSJ.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Forgot my mittens

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mitten.jpgDamn. I should have learned from last night. It is a crisp slap in the face when you hit that cold air!

Speaking of mittens, one nice thing about the winter is an excuse to wear gloves on the train. I hate touching the grab rails and seats on the subway, but in the winter you can just wear gloves! No need to touch that gross stuff with your bare hands.

Note to self…mittens mittens mittens.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Listening to conversations

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Listening to other people’s conversations is one of SUBWAYblogger’s favorite hobbies. No, it isn’t rude so relax. If you are going to speak loud enough for others to listen, then don’t be pissed. Also, SUBWAYblogger can read lips so even from a distance your conversations are not that private.

Since there’s obviously others out there that do the same thing, you can relate to the followiing: people talk about the dumbest crap. Did you ever find yourself listening to a conversation while thinking to yourself how you would die if you were a participant?

Sometime, you can’t help but think of ways for the innocent person in the conversation to get away. Some convos are so awkward that you just want to bail the person out. You litterally have to say to yourself, “Just shut up and sit here. Don’t say anything to those people.”

There’s also those funny conversations where one guy on the train just talks to anyone who will listen. The guy just strikes up a conversation with strangers. It makes people SOOO uncomfortable. You can see them squirming.

The acknowledge the guy just enough to keep him going. Just when you think he’s done…he isn’t. So funny.

Someone at NYU should create a Sociology of the Subway major.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Holiday crisp and shopping

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bryantparkshops.jpgHoly cow it got cold tonight. I walked out of the office on my way to the subway and couldn’t feel my ears!

Anyway…

I’m glad my subway stops aren’t near any of the holiday fairs set up around the city. Too much shopping temptation. It is even harded because many of the have food and treats for sale.

If I had to walk by them everyday, I would probably weigh 300lbs and own more Christmas decor than I could ever need.

Also, I would probably end up going bonkers on someone. It gets so crowded at those things. Plus, they are a tourist trap. All more than I want to handle after a full day at the office.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Hello Again New MetroCard Day

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Today’s the day that I, like many, begin to miss last year’s special holiday fare card. Yes, today is new MetroCard day for me as my old card has expired.

$76 isn’t really much to spend on a monthly basis. However, it is a little hard to choke down in December when you think of all the holiday gifts you could buy. Heck, that’s a new business card holder for everyone in your office!

New MetroCard day falling on a Monday is a little rough too. Especially when you are just coming down from a really mellow, relaxing weekend. WHAM! Back to work, oh…and that’ll be $76 please.

Back to work with the other minions.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Summer is back already

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Dear global warming,

Welcome to New York City. Enjoy your stay.

Is it flippin’ hot and humid or what? I walk out to head for the subway, and I think to myself, “What the hell am I wearing a coat for?”

The platforms are getting stuffy again too. At least the MTA decided to turn the AC back on. A couple times this week I noticed that the trains were much cooler and refreshing than the platforms.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Beep beep this train is not stoping

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How annoying is it when trains skip stations? “Makes me want to punch babies,” if I may steal a Dane Cook bit.

You can always tell when you are about to be screwed by an oncoming train that isn’t going to stop at your station. They blow the horn in quick sets of three. So just bend over when you hear that coming.

SUBWAYblogger also hates when the you are standing at a local station and you see local trains speed by on the express track.

For some unknown reason, you start thinking of crazy schemes to get on one of those trains. As I’d you might know something the rest of us don’t. Don’t lie, you know you think about it.

“Hmmm, maybe I could time my jump to land me between train cars to the I could just walk in the end doors. Nah…my new pants will get dirty.”

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

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***UPDATE***

A funny video submitted by Vinny from Insignificant Thoughts via our comment section.