Category: Outta the Way

OMG!!!!! One of the most shocking subway videos ever

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Ok, you haaaaaaaave to watch this video. Stop whatever you are doing, and watch this clip. It is simply astonishing!!  This is the subway in Mumbai:

CLICK HERE

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Is that not the craziest shit you’ve ever seen?!?!  What’s even scarier is that’s how our subways are going to be in the next 3 years.  And people will still keep riding.

How insane is it that they don’t even bother closing the doors?  You can see that some of them try to close, but the train just pulls away.  It’s even funnier that the train cars are organized by sex.  I was wondering why those guys were climbing on there like spider monkeys when the next train seemed much less crowded.

I wonder why the trains even stop?  If they’re going to ride like that, the trains should just slow down and let people bail off.  It would probably save some significant travel time.  Then, new riders can dive to get on the train.

WOW…I’m gonna go watch it again.

Just a Big Pile of Suck

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Ok, so can we discuss how f-ed up the past couple days of subway ridership have been?

Why is it that crappy service always comes in waves?  You never just have one random day where things are messed up.  It always seems like it has to come in 3 or 4 day in a row bursts.  It’s like the MTA is trying to test your limits or something.

Monday:  A bazillion degrees out.  Subway is hot sick.  The morning run was just a pain in the ass because the train took forever to get there.  Like 15 minutes at least.  The evening run was way worse.  The trains were so late, that they decided to have my local train skip a bunch of stops.  Unfortunately, one of those skipped stop a one that I had to get off.  Damn.  So I had to get off well in advance and wait for the infamous train “directly behind this one.”

Tuesday:  Same slow ass wait in the morning.  Evening…well…just shoot me.  By far the worst day this week (so far).  A slight drizzle as I approached the subway entrance. Unfortunately, I did not have an umbrella, but not a big deal since I made it to the train before it got bad.

Well, the trains were apparently very late again.  On the plus side, I got there as the train arrived, but there were already people who had been waiting for 20 minutes.  By complete miracle, I made it onto the train.  Everything was going swimmingly until the dreaded “this train will be going express…”  Again, my stop was getting skipped.  Shit.

We all unload, only at this point there was virtually no space whatsoever to even fit on the platform!  Express train after express train kept dumping more and more people on the other side, so it was getting pretty dangerous.  Clearly, I was not getting anywhere near the next train, so I headed for street level thinking I could catch the bus.  Read More »

POLL: What kind of rider are you?

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Over the years, I’ve noticed that there are generally a few kinds of riders when it comes to getting on a crowded subway train.

This is expecially ture lately it seems because for whatever reason, the trains seem to run just a little slower in the summer. Why is it that the there just seems to be fewer trains?  It’s not like they’re broken down, they just come spread out by an extra 5 or 6 minutes apart.  So by the time it gets there, it is so crowded that a few women get pregnant by proxy.

Anyway, what’s your story?

[poll=2]

Ok, time to refocus! (and a secret riding tip)

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Platform Edge

Sorry for the lack of posting today. It was just “one of those days” that you wish you just stayed in bed.

In any event, it seems that I managed to dodge a complete sh*t show of a day on the subway. The Lexington line was all out of whack apparently. The trains were only running express from 125th Street South or some craziness.

I was on 1 train today, or at least I should say, I attempted to be on one today. I waited on the local line (No 1) as 2 train after 2 train came down BOTH the local and express tracks. I thought I was stuck in some sort of time warp where trains that are supposed to be express kept coming on both tracks.

Then, I said to hell with it, and I got on one of the plentiful 2 trains. They kept coming, so I was shocked at how full it was. I guess I wasn’t the only one that finally gave up. So eventually, it came time to get off and wait for the local for real. I had ridden as far uptown on the express (running local) as I could. So me, and every other person on the train, decided to get off. What was fun was the fact that there was probably already two trains worth of people already waiting on the platform. Yay.

I had to break out one of my most top secret tricks to get on the first 1 train that finally came by. The secret is, you have to look at the ground. Yup. That’s it. Look at the ground near the edge of the platform. Usually, you want to look at the ground where the yellow warning part is near the edge. Look for the area on the ground that is the most “worn out.” Or look for the area with the least grim. Why? Because that’s where the door is going to line up.

Most trains stop within a couple feet of the “target.” So the doors will generally always line up at the same point all day long. So naturally, a worn area starts to become visibly notable. That’s where the door is going to be. So get yourself right up to that area, and you know the train is going to stop with the door right in front of you. Just make sure that you are near one side or the other of the door. Generally, try to place yourself with your shoulder lined up with the door frame. That way you won’t be in the way when people get off, and you will be in perfect position when it’s time to board.

That secret’s just between you and me.

Wake up and pay attention

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You all know this person. They are the ones that wait for the last possible second to get off the train and then get pissy that people are in their way.

Usually, this person is completely zoned out. Then all of a sudden, they notice that the express train they want is across the platform. So, in a panic, they jump to their feet.

“GETTING OFF! I’M COMING OUT!”

Yeah buddy, we noticed, but where were you 5 minutes ago when everyone around you got up?

So if you screw up because your iPod is cranked as high as it will go, and you don’t realize we are at your stop, don’t be retarded. One of these days (as I’m sure it has already happened) someone is going to get decked by the person they are trying to plow through. In the worst case, you just get off at the next stop and change directions.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio… .

Combat Door Holders

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doors.jpg

Ok, so this morning’s train was plagued by door holders.  Actually, it wasn’t door holders so much as people getting stuck in the doors as they tried to squeeze onto the overful train.

So here’s my idea to combat people who insist on cramming into over packed trains:

You know the black, rubber gasket on the doors where the doors come together?  Basically, the part that pinches you when you get stuck in the door.  The part that grabs onto your coat and won’t let go.   You know…the “door bumpers” if you will.  (see illustration)

Ok that part of the door is where I suggest they make out of ink pads.  Instead of rubber, they should make into a huge rubber stamp.  That way, if some gets stuck in the doors, it is going to leave huge black ink lines on them.

Knowing that, there’s no way anyone would stand near the doors as they were closing if they knew they were going to get “stamped” by the doors.  Wouldn’t wont to ruin that new denim body suit!

Ok ok…we don’t need to make it out of permanent ink.  It could be something washable.  As long as it is something that would make you look like a compete ass in your morning board meeting.

Your thoughts?

Strollers + Bum + School Group = Suicidal SUBWAYblogger

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OMG.  I don’t even know where to begin to describe my morning commute today.  It was so stressful, that I couldn’t even write about as I was witnessing it.  Not to mention, it was so crowded that I could barely move my arms.  If I had managed to pull my BlackBerry out to write, I would have thrown it as a weapon.

Here’s the rundown:

Homeless Bum:  I get on the train, and it is somewhat more crowed than normal.  However, I’m looking around over people’s shoulders, and I know I can see open spaces.  So how crowded could it really possibly be?  Ok, I squeeze into the train.

We get to the next stop and a bunch of people get off.  Then I see it.  A huge bum taking up 2 or 3 seats.  Stinking up the place.  Might be drunk…who knows.

The plot thickens…

The Stroller:  The homeless guy has an old baby stroller stretched out in front of where he is sitting.  It is literally sticking straight out from his legs, essentially road blocking the isle.  So that’s why there was so much space.  He was blocking people out.  Also, on top of the stroller was two milk crate things with lord knows what inside.  Then, there was something big rolled up in a large plastic bag on top.  This thing was the size of an RV. 

Here comes more trouble…

The Kiddies:  We get to the next stop, and there’s a field trip of 8 year olds standing there.  They flood onto the car using all the available doors, including the one where the bum was sitting.  The come streaming on board with another 15 adults trying to get on too.  Now we’re packed, and no one wants to be near smelly homeless guy.

Then the kids start bitching that they are being squished.  “Don’t worry kids, no one else is going to be able to get on at the next stop.”  “YEAH RIGHT!” I said out loud to the woman.  Sure enough, half a dozen more people packed in at the next stop.

Finally, one of the teachers started telling people that there were “kids” on board that couldn’t be “crushed” anymore. 

The fallout: The three things I hate the most…all happening right in front of me…on the same train.  Ohh it’s 9am and I already need a drink. 

Turnstile Traffic Jam

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Just when I thought I’ve seen everything, I see something new.  Here’s the setup…

I’m walking down the stairs to the subway.  Already I can see that there’s a ton of a people down there for some reason.  The crowd is really thick.  Keep in mind, this is a major transfer hub, so it has tons of entrances/exits.

So I finnally squeeze my way to the turnstile to find that the line is 12 people deep at each gate.  10 gates wide, and a line 12 deep at each.

“Son of a bitch…a tourist group,” I thought to myself.  That must be why all these people are here.  Some idiot tour group is trying to get through the gates all together.  But, that wasn’t it.

I got closer to the turnstile and saw people swiping over and over again.  Wonderful!  There’s 4 or 5 people swiping all these peolpe through?  You’ve got to be kidding.  That wasn’t it either.

I finally make it up close.  Turns out, all of the gates stopped working at the same time!!  Every turnstile said, “Please swipe again,” no matter how many times you tried.

Of course, idiots in the back of the line think that us at the front are complete morons.  So of course they are yelling for us to get out of the way.  Finally, I let one a-hole get in front of me to try his magic touch.  Of course, it didn’t work.

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!” I yelled back at this jerk.  “I thought you knew how to do it, so WHAT’S THE HOLD UP CHIEF?!?”

People started jumping over, and that finally got the police officers to react.  Not the growing, angry crowds…just the jumping over the turnstile.  Can’t have that now can we.

Eventually, they opened up the service doors and let people stream through.  It was funny to see people hesitate going through the door because a cop was holding it open.  They were afraid, as if it was a trap or something.  Can’t say I blame them.

Here’s why strollers shouldn’t be on the subway

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Finally, someone makes my case for me without even knowing it.  This happens more than most people notice, but it’s exactly what is getting in the way of the rest of us.

Example:
The 6 train has been my subway for over 10 years, so it’s quite embarrassing that it took the station manager’s voice finally announcing the next train to make me realize that we were waiting for the wrong one. THU-THUD–the stroller caught on the turnstile on our way out. “God-dammnit” I grunted as I wrenched it over. “Yes, gentleman who is shooting me a look. I did just swear two inches from my child’s face. She doesn’t speak English yet, so get over it.”

However, I will give this mother credit because she was taking this little adventure in the middle of the day around 1pm.  That’s the appropriate time to be out and about with all your baby gear.  8am and 5:30pm are NOT the right times to be out.

Here’s why strollers shouldn’t be on the subway

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Finally, someone makes my case for me without even knowing it.  This happens more than most people notice, but it’s exactly what is getting in the way of the rest of us.

Example:
The 6 train has been my subway for over 10 years, so it’s quite embarrassing that it took the station manager’s voice finally announcing the next train to make me realize that we were waiting for the wrong one. THU-THUD–the stroller caught on the turnstile on our way out. “God-dammnit” I grunted as I wrenched it over. “Yes, gentleman who is shooting me a look. I did just swear two inches from my child’s face. She doesn’t speak English yet, so get over it.”

However, I will give this mother credit because she was taking this little adventure in the middle of the day around 1pm.  That’s the appropriate time to be out and about with all your baby gear.  8am and 5:30pm are NOT the right times to be out.