Month: December 2006

What is that smell and get a haircut

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First of all, what is that smell. More importantly WHO is that smell coming from. I know SUBWAYblogger just wrote about the smell in the subway, but this morning’s odor is pretty impressive.

Anyway, guys with ponytails look like idiots. Unless you are in an active rock band, you have no excuse, so go get a haircut. When you have to borrow an elastic from a girl, well, that’s just the stupidest thing ever.

Hey, a little shaggy top is ok. But if your ears are covered or have to keep flipping your bangs out of your eyes, there is a problem.

I have a question for Hispanic women. Do you find it attractive when your men have their hair pulled back, but then have their entire hairline shaved perfectly straight. You know, many Hispanic men obviously sit for hours with a razor to sculpt their bangs, side burns, and the rest of their hairline. Many of the men obviously went a little to far up! They shave off the widow’s peak or move their forehead’s hairline up a quarter inch.

Anyway, is that attractive to you? Maybe Hispanic ladies like it. In which case, it makes sense that the men would do it. Otherwise, don’t these guys look a little too…gay?

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Can you read

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There’s a guy next to me. He’s an older gentleman. Possibly blind because he’s holding the newspaper 3 inches from his face. More importantly though, he is reading Tuesday’s newspaper.

Today is Thursday.

No, it isn’t just an article he pulled out. It is the entire New York Times.

Maybe I’ve mistaken his blindness…maybe he can’t read at all. That would explain why he hasn’t noticed that the paper is 2 days old.

I must say, the paper looks pretty new. I bet someone sold it to him as a new paper and he didn’t even notice.

See what happens when you start paying too close attention to people around you.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Poor strategy

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SUBWAYblogger has been off its game lately in terms of standing strategy. The favorite spot to stand and blog happens to be in the doorway. The best place to stand with hands free is with your back to the door and hip against the seat rail on your left or right.

Don’t get your panties in a twist, SUBWAYblogger does not block the doors. If there’s a crowd, I always step off onto the platform to let people off and on. Then, I take back the door possition.

Well this week, I keep finding myself in the middle of an isle or something. Sometimes, not within reach of a grab rail. Even if a rail was in reach, it is very hard to type with only one free hand!

It’s my fault really. I haven’t been paying attention to the game plan, because when I finally do, it is too late. Already stuck 8 people deep in the isle. So, I have to start working my way back to the door which is easier said than done.

I need a vacation!

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Mmmm smells like yum

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Just when you thought you’ve smelled every type of bad smell possible, you find yourself to be incorrect. 9 times out of 10, you discover your wrongness while standing somewhere on the subway.

Thw smells of filth down here are definately unique in the world to this very island. No where else really has this kind of “flavor” in its stink.

What amazes me is that much of the stink comes fresh off the bodies of our local bums. Think about how bad you smell when even hours after your bum ass has gotten off the train, it still stinks.

They should make the smell into a candle so we can send it to New Yorkers that have moved out of the city.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

New subway rules not money in the bank

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seats.jpgThe MTA had predicted that the new subway rules started this year would result in a much higher rate of summons issued. As a matter of fact, when the new rules were implemented, many straphangers were pissed! The expected that the MTA Police would be handing out fines left and right.

Well, the complete opposite occurred. Overall, the summons rates are lower in just about all categories. Overall, the rates are lower year to date.

Strangely, tickets for “unauthorized animals” hit a high note. What the hell is that? And riding between cars, but SUBWAYblogger thinks that has mostly to do with the new rules that prohibit walking between cars when the train is moving.

Too cool

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Some people think they are hot sh*t when they really aren’t. The ones that make SUBWAYblogger shake its head most are the trashy ghetto dressers. They just look like idiots, and they have the attitude to match.

There are plenty of ghetto fab people, and they really pull it off. They look good. Then, there’s ghetto trashy.

I bring it up because you are most likely to see them on a subway platform somewhere. They usually have brand new Timberlands on, but the rest of them looks like complete hell. Most obvious is their overall greasy appearance.

But then they have the BIGGEST attitudes. There the two of you are, standing waiting for the train while they complain about how crowded it is…as if they deserve their own train car.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Happy parents

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There’s an unusually high number of miserable fathers in the subway system lately. They are clearly identified by the large new toys they are schlepping home for their kids.

The flaw of most fathers is that they themselves are just big kids. So when they get inside Toys R Us, they can’t help themselves. They buy the biggest crap in the store.

Then they end up on the sidewalk outside the store sayng, “Crap, now how do I get this home?”

So there they are, walking down the subway platform with a Huffy rolling next to them, and a Fisher Price Jungle gym under the other arm.

One dad I saw had a Barbie playhouse in a box the size of loft apartment. They walk around with the “Damn kids” look in their eye.

No subway for you and your gifts next year pops. Next year, order them online and have them shipped to your door!

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

14 More Shopping Days

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macys.jpg

The clock’s ticking, and SUBWAYblogger has zero shopping done. There was an attempt made this weekend, but the crowds were a bit insane.

The MTA should just put extra staff on all the train platforms in midtown. All of the insanity you see on the weekends inside the subway system consists mostly of people who have no idea where they are going. All we need is more MTA or official looking people to direct the tourists where they need to go.

The biggest problem is that people don’t know Uptown from Downtown. They hardly know where they are this very moment, so they have no idea about which direction they need.

Example. I was at the 34th Street/Penn Station subway platform this weekend. A group of women asked me which train to take to get them to Macy’s. No, I’m not kidding.

I first looked at them like I was brain dead because for a moment my head had a short circuit. I couldn’t process what they were asking. Then it hit me that they really didn’t know where they were, and that it wasn’t a trick question.

I said, “Uhh, you’re already here.” They were equally confused with my answer as I was with the question.

“Yeah, just go upstairs. Macy’s is right outside. There is no other train.” They actually paid $2 each to get in the subway, and they were already there.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Gridlock and Earlier Incidents

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It is a gridlock alert day, and without fail, there are problems in the subway. The 1, 2, 3 line is running all local in some areas because of an “earlier incident.”. Some riders on these lines have reported to SUBWAYblogger that it is taking forever for the trains to come heading downtown.

So goodluck getting home. Just remember…at least it’s Friday.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…