Category: Live Blogging On the Subway

It is official, ground transport is safer

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So what’s up New York. Slow news day?

Not so much.

In case you were under a rock or something today, you missed a headline that you probably wouldn’t believe anyway.

“New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle crashes plane into building on the UES”

That’s right. Lidle flew his small plane smack into the side of a high rise apartment building. He and a passenger did not survive.

Thankfully, no one else was killed. There were some injuries, but only two deaths.

This just confirms that ground transportation is the way to go. Or, in this case, underground transportation. The NYC subway is never going to be crashed into a building.

One can imaging that transportation over on the east side was a little nutty during all this. People left work early out of fear of another “9/11 style” attack.

My butt is staying underground. Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Step inside means get your fat ass out of the doors

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Well this ride has started off like hell. The first train that came thru didn’t even stop. It was a pass through train. This usually only happens when a line gets VERY backed up. The dispatcher will have a train or two skip some stops in an effort to get back on schedule. Anway, one of those passed right my me.

Then, when a train finally did stop, we sat there for 5 minutes trying to close the doors. I really thought the conductor was going to come out and open fire. He was getting really pissed.

They must have tried to close the doors a dozen or so times before people actually got out of the way.

If the train doors close on your ass more than once, that should be a sign that you need to get off and wait for the next train. Face it, you aren’t going to get less fat in the next 30 seconds. The people on the train already aren’t going to change their minds about being smothered by your girth. So, put your flashers on, and back your ass back out of the train so the rest of us can get to work on time.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

2 Express trains not so much express

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The voice in the ceiling tells me that downtown 2 trains are “running slowly” on the express track due to “an earlier incident.” So express isn’t really that express-like. As a matter of fact, other riders tell me that the 1 train is actually the faster option.

When they announce things like “earlier incidents,” don’t you wish they would just come right out and say what the hell is up? Go ahead. Be blunt about it. Just say that some bum caused a power failure by pissing on the third rail.

The honesty would be a welcome change of pace.

Also, if it is because of a suspect package laying around, just tell us. I think we all deserve to know.

That’s my gripe of the day. Glad I’m not on the 2 ! Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

A new angle on begging

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I boarded the train just minutes ago, and at the very first stop, a strange guy got on board.

He has an L.L. Bean style tote bag with him. Inside, he has hero rolls in plastic wrap. I know, I know…”See something, say something.” Trust me, I thought about it.

Anyway, he started off with the traditional “Good morning ladies and gentleman.”

“Here we go,” I thought to myself.

So he reaches into his bag and pulls out some of the rolls. He says he is here to ask for donations to feed the homeless. The bread he carries is free to anyone who needs it.

So I’m thinking to myself, is he trying to sell these rolls to us? I guess not. They’re just a prop. It worked though. He even had “Tax ID” papers clearly made in Word.

Anway he was selling crazy….and people were buying.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Nice to sit

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99% of the time, I stand on the subway. Not because I am against sitting or anything. There’s usually no room to sit anywhere, so I tend to stand against the door.

Thanks to today’s holiday, there’s next to know one on board. So as I write this, I am actually sitting!

At this point, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Holy crap, I can’t believe I actually read this far and that’s all I get.”

Yeah, sorry. But for me, this is the highlight of my miserable day.

Better drama to come on Tuesday. Promise!

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Yay for Columbus Day

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Columbus Circle as seen from the TimeWarner Center

Ok, so the headline is a bit more flamboyant than I intended. Just try to ignore it.

Anyway, I did not even realize that today was Columbus Day! The subway system is so nice and quiet. Federal offices, schools, etc are closed today so there are about 1/3 the people waiting for the train this morning.

Walking to the subway, I noticed a few restaurants bringing their cardboard trash back inside. They must have forgotten that there’s no trash pickup today because of the holiday.

I’d imagine that things are going to get much busier around noon today on the 4, 5, 6 line. The parade goes up 5th Avenue and starts at 11:45 this morning.

So if you have business or plans on the East Side this afternoon, be sure to leave yourself plenty of extra time.

Looking around the train right now, everyone is reading about Joe Torre (Yankees Manager) as if he died. Listen, even if the guy does get shown the door, he still had a good run. Yet, for whatever reason, people are reading the paper with depressed faces. Get over it! I really hope this has nothing to do with it, but it looks like most of the men on the train are wearing black. in other news, North Korea is blowing up nuclear weapons, so I think NEW YORK should be worried about other things.

The papers say it was just a “small” nuclear weapon. Grrrreat. Like that makes it better. How small was it? Just smal enough to pack in a Macy’s bag and take on the subway? Yeah, definitely more important things to worry about than the Yankees.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Because of an investigation

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Yeah, those are always words you want to hear.

Apparently, the 13752_456_circles.gif trains are suspended “because of an investigation” between Union Square and 86th Street in both directions.

I don’t even ride those trains and I’m pissed. For those that don’t know, the 13752_456_circles.gif trains run up the east side of Manhattan. For some reason though, when that line is having problems, everyone goes to the 1,2, and 3 trains. The thing is, those trains run up the WEST side. The complete opposite side of town.

The best I can figure is that people use it as an alternate because both lines ultimately end up in the Bronx. Looks like all the Bronx commuters just switch lines.

So what we have is 2 lines worth of passengers using 1 line. That just doesn’t work. Talk about a cluster f*ck.

The doors open and no one gets off. Shoot me. Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Platforms getting cooler

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Sure, is kinda sucks that summer is over. It’s definitely getting cooler outside. Actually, it is getting straight up cold out.

The upside is that the subway platforms are now a few degrees cooler than the center of hell.

I was standing on the platform today and felt pretty comfortable. For the first time in a while, I didn’t feel like I was slowly suffocating.

I find it funny how in the summer time, the last place on earth that you would want to stand is on a 104 degree platform. In the winter, it is the complete opposite.

In the winter, it gets so cold that your ears actually feel like they are burning. So, in the freezing tundra, the subway is a oasis. The entire time you are walking, you keep saying to yourself in your head, “Can’t wait for the subway. Can’t wait for the subway. Almost there…”

Well folks, it is almost that time again. Goodbye summer, welcome winter.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Only so much a person can take

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This morning I wrote about how much it sucks to miss a train by only seconds. This afternoon, it happened yet again! There’s only so much a person can take.

This afternoon, it was caused by stupid people. Yes, that’s right, stupid people. Folks, don’t walk up to the turnstile and THEN start looking for your MetroCard. Ladies, I’m talking to you. The bottomless pit that is your purse needs to be searched well in advance. We all know that at the moment of truth, you are never going to be able to find the thing.

THIS JUST IN

Ok, if you’ve ever watched The Simpsons, you’ll know what I am talking about.

The guy on the intercom on this train sounds like the fastfood employees on The Simpsons. You know, that nerdy voice. When they talk, their voice cracks. I seriously thought this guy was doing it as a joke because it is so horrible. But he has been doing it every time. Everytime he says “Bronx bound” his voice cracks on Bronxs. It squeels along at other points too.

People on the train just start laughing when he talks, but I don’t think he’s trying to be funny.
Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

I hate missing the train!

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Don’t you feel like a complete loser when you miss the train? Especially when you make a dash for it and still miss?

At my station, you can see down to the lower level where the tracks are. The token booth level goes over both the up and downtown tracks.

So I saw my train as it came to a stop at the platform. Immediately, you feel like an olympic runner. Without fail though, you will find 10 slow ass people in your way.

I sprinted to the turnstile where I found the NYC Retard club attempting to swipe their cards. Is it me or have you ever wanted to just grab someones MertoCard away from them to swipe it for them? C’mon. Put the card in the slot and swipe. It isn’t that hard.

Anyway, made it through that nightmare only to get to the stairs. Of course, there were little old ladies moving 2 feet an hour. There must be a bingo hall down here that I am unaware of because there is no reason for this many old women to be heading down the stairs at once.

Finally, I made it down to the platform. Just as my foot hit the bottom step, the doors began to close. I made a last ditch sprint hoping to get a hand in the door. No…not so much. The train pulled away.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…