Category: Scary People

Happy Monday

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zombie.jpg

Yes, it’s Monday, but boy that extra hour of sleep feels great! Fall day light savings is a holiday better than Christmas. There’s no better gift than an extra hour of snooze time.

So have you gone to a Halloween party yet? If you haven’t, just walk around the subway for ten minutes and you’ll get your fill. Starting as early as Friday, peeps were out in full costume.

Halloween in New York City is like no other place in the world. People go ALL out on their costumes. Personally, I can think of a few dozen other things I would rather spend $150 on other than a costume.

As for the ladies, I know it is cliche but, Halloween is just an excuse to dress as a complete slut. We should just go ahead and rename it to Whoreoween. Split it into two holidays…one for the kids and one for the adults.

It really is genious when you think about it. No other day of the year would you ever be able to get a girl out in 30 degree weather wearing nothing more than a g-string and slutty nurse top.

Use the comments link below to submit links to your favorite costumes this year.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Subway crime hits 37 year low!

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Subway crime is at the lowest it has been in 37 years!  Even though we tend to hear about the crimes more often, the numbers actually show that things are much better.

Through the mass media and NYC blogs (like this 🙂 ), people tend to hear more about the crimes throughout the system.  However, as the Daily News reports, things are looking up.

Did you know…

Today, there are about 7 felonies committed every day in the New York City subway. 

Back in 1990, there were 49 a day! 

So, obviously the situation is much better.  You’ve also got to figure that 7 felonies doesn’t necessarily mean 7 felons.  One guy could commit a few felonies at once.  All he’s gotta do is rob someone at gunpoint (felony #1) and then punch the arresting officer as he tries to get away (felony #2). 

A lot of the improvements also have to do with big brother.  That’s right, you are on camera.  There are more cameras today in the subway than ever before.  In out post 9/11 times, the MTA has been installing new cameras all over the subway.  This makes apprehending suspects easier.  As soon as you start rounding up your repeat offenders through video tape, the crime levels are sure to show a dip.

Check out Gothamist too.  They have a cute little graphic that spells out S-A-F-E-R in subway line letters.

Uptown 2 train stabbing

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A man was stabbed on an uptown 2 train last night sometime around 3am. 

He and another man allegedly got into a bit of a dispute just south of the 23rd Street station.  The suspect stabbed the man, and fled on foot from the station.

The victim managed to get off at the 28th Street station to call 911.

Note to self:  Ride subway alone late at night at own risk!

Lesson Learned: Stay away from yellow and orange subways

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So apparently you are taking your life in your hands if you venture onto the yellow or orange subway lines these days.  The other day, there was that father that killed his kids then threw himself in front of the Q train.  Yesterday, some little punks stabbed a 15 year old on the D train. 

The police thinks it could have been gang related (shocker).  All of the suspects were between 13 and 16. 

I say, if convicted, they should be thrown in front of a moving subway. Oooor made to grab the third rail.  We can let them pick.  And no, it doesn’t matter that they are minors.  If that is the crap you pull, then you face the punishment as an adult. 

Man kills kids then jumps in front of Q train

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Did you hear about the mother who came home last night only to find her two kids dead in the bathtub? The mother got home around midnight after work. Daddy was home “taking care” of the kids.

Allegedly, he drowned the two little ones in the bathtub. He then went down to the subway and threw himself in front of the Q train.
Also, he apparently left 7 or 8 suicide notes, one of which he kept on his person.

What the hell do you do when you see something like that? Can you even imagine standing there waiting for your train when all of a sudden a dude jumps on the tracks in front of it? I guess that’s a textbook “See something, say something” moment. That’s something that’s just going to ruin your night.

Of course, the murder portion is a shame. No one wants that to happen. But there have to be better ways to kill yourself. Yeah, a train can kill you, but there are people who survive that!

Creepy sh*t man…creepy.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Oh pleeeease stop running

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Did you ever notice how people run to catch a train? Did you ever look at someone running and think to yourself, “Oh please stop running. That’s entirely too much jiggle this early in the morning.

It is a regular occurance, but it is so funny to watch. What is it about women over 30 that makes them look like mental patients when they run? And why is it that only the “most jiggly” people are doing all the running?

Listen lady, all the bacon grease is on an express train to your heart as we speak, so take it down a notch and wait for the next train. None of us already ON the train want to have to carry you off.

Another odd thing that caught my eye this morning was a woman climbing the strairs a if she were almost at the summit of a mountain. Just one step, then stop. Then another step, and stop. Obviously, this isn’t the first I’ve seen it happen because people do that all over the system. However, it made me think how dumb you have to be to put yourself through that. Who in their right mind would go into the subway knowing that the usage of stairs is a matter of life and death? Why not just stay above ground and take the bus? (Gasp)

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Failed prediction and not enough clothing

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Well my prediction yesterday that today would be especially crowded was wrong. It is strangely quiet on the subway today too. However, I thing that because it is Friday. On to my next subject…

Ladies, let me talk to you for a minute. Especially the lady sitting across from me on the train right now. Ladies, it is time to let go. Those little tops with the built in bras were meant for you 8 sizes ago.

I know “you’ve always worn them,” but that was back when you were in middle school. Take a look in the mirror. If your waist looks like a freshly popped tube of Pillsbury biscuit dough, maybe it is time to NOT wear that top.

Also, if each of your breasts are larger that a toddler, you need to wear a bra at all times outside of your home. This is for the safety of those around you.

No matter what your girlfriends say, it isn’t sexy to show off your muffin top. It says, “I am a tramp who is too cheap to replace thee jeans I bought in 1996.”Help all of your fellow passengers keep their breakfasts down, and put on some bigger clothes!Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Not in Kansas Anymore

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Whoa. This is weird. Remind me never to catch the train at Lincoln Center again. Waaaay to many artsy kids around.

Frankly, they frighten me. Especially in groups. These kids are supposed to be loaners, right? So what’s with the little goth gangs here.

I figured since school isn’t in full swing yet over here that I would be safe. Oh no my friends. There must have been some sort of orientation or special program going on. Otherwise, I have no explanation for this occurrence.

I really thought that this was some sort of joke. Dozens of those kids that wear all black, and carve shit in their skin. Ohh and lots of chrome stuff: chains, studs, nipple rings…the usual.

Walking into the middle of the pack really can make you fear for your life. I sort of froze for a moment, and I think they could smell my preppy-kid fear.

Lesson learned!

Dude looks like a lady

subwayblogger

WOW…ok…so this is a first for me. Did you ever stand in a subway car with a woman for 20+ minutes only to find out she was a man?

ON THE NEXT JERRY SPRINGER

Kidding. But seriously, that is what I am facing right now. We’ve all been on the trains with the drag queens and what not. But this is no queen. Hardhat and all, I am so not even kidding. The only thing that tipped me off was when he/she opened her mouth. Definate chick. Upon closer inspection, I noticed some more female-like qualities. To be honest, it makes me vomit a little in my mouth to think too much about, so I am going to stop here. Not because there is anything wrong with dresing like a dude. But more so because of the tanktop with what I assumed were braless man-boobies. Are we painting a picture yet?Now listen, SUBWAYblogger is by no means homophobic or anti-alternative-lifestyle. It just catches SUBWAYblogger off gaurd a little bit…epecially this early in the morning. We love everyone.Live from the subway, back to you in studio…