Month: August 2006

Leaving work late on a Friday: NOT Priceless

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Few things suck more than getting stuck at work late. One of those I getting stuck at work late on a FRIDAY. Really, you look forward to that feeling of freedom as you hit the doors at 5:05PM. The only upside is that the subway is pretty empty right now. I even got a seat.

It is a litte after 7pm right now and I think I am sitting across from some out of town girls. They seem really dressed up for this early on a Friday. That’s usually a giveaway. People from out of town don’t realize that the bars/clubs don’t heat up untill 11 or midnight. Even the good restaurants don’t start really jumping until after 8.

On that note I just confirmed it. I just asked if they are from out of town. YUP. Just the fact that they acknowledged my voice shows that they aren’t from the city!

Meeting friends at a bar they say. Do NYC bars even open at 7:30? Don’t think so, but I didn’t want to break their hearts. These chicks are in for a night they won’t forget (they’re headed for The Village).

Have a good weekend. SUBWAYblogger out!

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

 

Failed prediction and not enough clothing

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Well my prediction yesterday that today would be especially crowded was wrong. It is strangely quiet on the subway today too. However, I thing that because it is Friday. On to my next subject…

Ladies, let me talk to you for a minute. Especially the lady sitting across from me on the train right now. Ladies, it is time to let go. Those little tops with the built in bras were meant for you 8 sizes ago.

I know “you’ve always worn them,” but that was back when you were in middle school. Take a look in the mirror. If your waist looks like a freshly popped tube of Pillsbury biscuit dough, maybe it is time to NOT wear that top.

Also, if each of your breasts are larger that a toddler, you need to wear a bra at all times outside of your home. This is for the safety of those around you.

No matter what your girlfriends say, it isn’t sexy to show off your muffin top. It says, “I am a tramp who is too cheap to replace thee jeans I bought in 1996.”Help all of your fellow passengers keep their breakfasts down, and put on some bigger clothes!Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Holy splish splash Batman!

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Nothing like a biblical down pour at 4:58pm, just as you are getting ready to walk out of work.

Also, it is much harder to type in your Blackberry with only one hand. (The other is holding my umbrella)

Speaking of umbrellas, holy crap people, it is an umbrella…not a nurf bat. So it effing hurts when you get poked in the eye because the idiot next to you who can’t wrangle in their PGA Tour sized expo tent on a stick.

Hey jerkface, you know how I just stepped over to the side a little to avoid slamming my umbrella into your melon? Yeah, you should try that too! It works a little better that way.

The most retarded thing about it is that when THEY hit YOU, they stop and look at you like you walked up and pissed on their leg. Uhh you hit ME buddy, so what’s all the confusion about? You must be shocked at your own stupidity.

Off to get out of these wet clothes.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

The geeks made it!

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The Subway Challenge geeks made it, and broke the record in the process. (see previous post)

The record for riding the entire NYC Subway system was just over 25 hours or something. These guys made it in just over 24. So I guess that means that they have officially earned the title of “Wow, I have nothing to do this summer.”

Hey, I gotta hand it to them though, it was a cool idea. I wish I had thought of something like that.

The most comical part of the whole thing is how much media coverage they got. BBC World, AP, Reuters, CBS News, CNN, NBC, Daily News, AMNY, etc. They got media EVERYWHERE.

Think about if they got a sponsor!! They could have worn some sponsored t-shirts or something and made a killing with all of the free media they earned.

Where did everyone go?

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Hahaha…this is an ironic follow up to my “Where did you come from” post a few days ago. Today, there’s next to no one on the train. It is the same time that I get on board as always. The same time that a few days ago yielded an insane number of people on board. Not today though.When there are this few people around, it I no wonder crazy sh*t happens down here.

How many of you have ever wondered how the graffiti ends up IN the tunnels? Well when no one is around…It kinda freaked me out. When I say no one, I mean like 5 people total. This is at a station where there are normally hundreds. For a second I asked myself, “Is today a holiday? Do I have the day off?”. That’s how few people are on board. So what am I missing? Is it “National Screw It, I Don’t Wanna Go to Work Day?”

My prediction: a bajillion people on the platform tomorrow morning for no other reason other than to mess with my head.

Moving along, I wonder how those kids did yesterday with their “subway challenge.” I will look into it and post a complete update later this morning. It is pretty funny how seriously they took it. They had a little support team set up and everything. On their Myspace site, someone they know posted that at last check in, the guys needed water. So I assume it was someone’s job to scurry out their and deliver the goods.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

 

 

 

If I had children like these…

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…I would push them onto the tracks. Actually, I take that back. I would throw myself on the tracks because it would be my fault that I had these little brats.

Do you ever find youself out somewhere just wanting to throttle a child into the pavement?  Like on a bus, in a restaurant, a waiting room, or in this case the subway?  If you do, just remember that it is the parents who you actually want to slap silly, not the kids.

If this child throws himself into my legs one more time, I will hold his mom’s head outside while the doors close. Here’s the game:

On this crowed train, wait for the brakes to hit, then jump up in the air to see how far down the isle you get thrown. Ohhh and you get bonus points if you hit a person in the knees on the way down (aka me).

YEAH…THAT’S THE GAME. Meanwhile, terrible mom of the year award winner says, “Hunnie, c’mon. Stop that please.”. Saying it at least 10 times.

So here’s my idea. Grown-ups, let’s all stick our legs out in the isle. Ladie with pointy shoes get more points.  Then maybe mom will stop her kid before he loses all his teeth.

WOW. This turned out to be a really angry post. Sorry bout that. But really, how much should a person have to handle?

Live from the subway, back to you in studio… 

Y’all ain’t from around here, huh

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Ahh yes, it is that time of year again. I am refering to “back to school” time. In this case, I don’t mean lunch boxes and yellow buses. Instead I mean booze and frat parties. It is officially the time that the city’s college students return to campus. Right now, it is just the early arrivals, but already I notice an increase in the number of dorky parents around.

They are sooo easy to spot. First of all, mom and dad stick out like sore thumbs. Then factor in that they walk aound with the city map in front of them at all times, so you can’t miss them. The final confirmation is that they usually have the younger sibiling in tow. Those little suckers can be identified by the utter misery on their faces because they still haven’t been able to ride the ferris wheel in Toys-R-Us as promised. Plus, if they just entered that awkward tween period, they are probably horrified to be seen with the dork parents.

Soon, the subway system in the campus areas will be flooded with out of town families that have no idea where they are going. I am usually nice to them and help them figure out where they are going.

Then again, there’s always the temptation to have a little fun. 🙂 Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Not in Kansas Anymore

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Whoa. This is weird. Remind me never to catch the train at Lincoln Center again. Waaaay to many artsy kids around.

Frankly, they frighten me. Especially in groups. These kids are supposed to be loaners, right? So what’s with the little goth gangs here.

I figured since school isn’t in full swing yet over here that I would be safe. Oh no my friends. There must have been some sort of orientation or special program going on. Otherwise, I have no explanation for this occurrence.

I really thought that this was some sort of joke. Dozens of those kids that wear all black, and carve shit in their skin. Ohh and lots of chrome stuff: chains, studs, nipple rings…the usual.

Walking into the middle of the pack really can make you fear for your life. I sort of froze for a moment, and I think they could smell my preppy-kid fear.

Lesson learned!

Dude looks like a lady

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WOW…ok…so this is a first for me. Did you ever stand in a subway car with a woman for 20+ minutes only to find out she was a man?

ON THE NEXT JERRY SPRINGER

Kidding. But seriously, that is what I am facing right now. We’ve all been on the trains with the drag queens and what not. But this is no queen. Hardhat and all, I am so not even kidding. The only thing that tipped me off was when he/she opened her mouth. Definate chick. Upon closer inspection, I noticed some more female-like qualities. To be honest, it makes me vomit a little in my mouth to think too much about, so I am going to stop here. Not because there is anything wrong with dresing like a dude. But more so because of the tanktop with what I assumed were braless man-boobies. Are we painting a picture yet?Now listen, SUBWAYblogger is by no means homophobic or anti-alternative-lifestyle. It just catches SUBWAYblogger off gaurd a little bit…epecially this early in the morning. We love everyone.Live from the subway, back to you in studio…