I hate to do another headphone related story, but it was in my face this morning.  Last time I wrote about it, there was some controversy. 

Anyway, some people have really crappy headphones that leak.  By that I mean that they are not very well made, so the sound it puts out is almost louder outside the headphone than the part that faces your ear.

This morning, it was to the point where it was almost painful.  It made me flinch just thinking about how loud the sound was.  I could not believe that someone was going to put that screaming earbud in their ear.

So crappy earbud headphones almost turn your ear into a mini-speaker.  The shape of your ear actually reflects out all the leaked sound.

On to the annoying part…These two girls were standing 2 feet from me on a not so crowded train.  No big deal, it happens.  They have just as much right to stand there as I do.  Anyway, the one girl had her iPod blasting away, when the other one reaches over and pulls out one of the earbuds and puts it in her ear.  First, that’s gross.  Second, that is probably the most retarded looking thing I have ever seen.

Take your cheap ass and get your own iPod.  On top of that, don’t stand there and attempt to sing along.  You’re not Beyonce.  Stop it. 

Not only were they singing along, but they were trying to do it as a duet.  It was horrible.  So there they are standing around me.  Now that they are sharing the earbuds, the cord has essentially roped me into the corner.  Now, there was no escape route.  Singing in my face.  Badly.

It got to the point where other people were laughing at them.  Of course, they did not notice because they couldn’t hear the laughs. 

So what’s the moral(s) of the story?  Buy your cheap ass your own iPod.  Then, if you get new headphones, pay more than $4.99 for them.  Also, don’t sing.  You suck.  If you are a good singer…well…then that’s probably ok.  But if there is any doubt in your mind about you being a good singer, don’t.  You’re friends are just being nice when they say you have a good voice. 

Do you know this guy?  He’s the one that runs through the closing subway doors at the last possible second.  You might know him best because he usually knocks people down like bowling pins as he darts through the doors.

There’s not much to say other than “what a dick.”

I love how he says “excuse me” as he throws himself into the sea of people standing in the doorway.  For some reason he thinks that he is skinnier than a runway model or something.  There’s clearly no more room, but Last Minute Arrival Guy sees nothing but space.

On a crowded train, everyone finally squeezes in and settles into their possitions.  People begin to read their paper, or click through their iPods.  Then WHAM!  Enter Last Minute Arrival Guy.

Sometimes, a fellow passenger says, “Hey, there’s no more room!”  The famous rebuttal is, “Yeah there is.”  What a compelling argument fella.  Sure, if we all breath a little shallower, there’s plenty of space. 

Hey everyone, take off your coats and hold them over your heads so that we can make a little more room for this a-hole to get on board!

So this girl just ran to get on the train as the doors were closing. She made it in, but her bag got stuck in the doors. Happens every day, right?  Well never like this.

She had (has) a laptop computer in the bag. The bag itself is nothing more that a canvas type tote bag. Well, let’s just say the laptop took the brunt of it.

The bag got caught horizontally in the doors. (I feel the need for an illustration). Picture the left and right sides of the machine holding the doors open about a foot wide. That’s exactly what happened…for about a second.

All of a sudden, the laptop snapped in two. It folded in half like a piece of paper and fell to the floor in pieces. It must have been a combination of her pulling on the bag and the pressure of the doors.

There it was in two distinct pieces. On part had a little bit of the base, and three-quarters of the screen. The other half had the rest of the base and a little screen.

I would not have believed it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…

Did you ever find youself stuck next to “annoying newspaper guy” on the subway? There you are, packed into a train with hardly enough room to breathe as it is. Then newspaper guy whips out his Wall Street Journal and thinks he deserves double the room.

His elbows fly out like wings. Every time he turns the page, he hits other passengers with the paper. Then someone steps in a little to close and he gets pissed.

Some of these guys just stick the paper inches from your face. I’m standing here reading emails on my Blackberry. I have the thing pulled all the way into my chest so as to not take up space but still make it readable. All of a sudden, his paper is under my chin! I am looking straight down at my belt buckle but can’t see it because his newspaper is pressed into me. So of course, it is blocking my screen.

Ok, so I lift my Blackberry up and over the top of his newpaper so I can see the screen. I kid you not, “Excuse me…I can’t see,” he says to me!

I look at him like he is an idiota, and turn my body 45 degrees so my shoulder crunches his paper up. “How’s that? Better?”

He huffed and folded up his paper.

The people that crack me up too are the ones that do something like that with AM New York or Metro. “Excuse me while I catch up on my financials and policitcal news with my AMNY.” If you are going to be an snob with your newspaper, at least do it with a New York Times or WSJ.

Live from the subway, back to you in studio…